First off, wow. It's been about two weeks since I've posted at all. What a slacker I am!
So my husband & I went to Banff this weekend for some alone time and sight seeing. All in all we had a good trip. But there were a few instances when I was like “It sucks to be overweight”. And I know that some of you are thinking “Duh” and “Okay so do something about it”.
First off I have certainly tried to have a healthier lifestyle and it is pretty difficult to create and maintain good eating and exercise habits when you have been practicing the bad ones for so long. And if some of you “skinny” peeps are getting on your high horse I have few questions for you:
Do you smoke?
When was the last time you hit a gym?
Do you eat balanced meals all the time or can your skinniness be attributed to a good metabolism?
So anyway that’s not the point of my blog. Please read on.
So my first negative experience with being fat in Banff was when we went for a horseback ride. I had to get on the horse for one…no easy feat to swing your leg around when you are less than flexible. Then the whole 2 hour horse ride I found myself questioning if my weight was crushing the horse, and clenching my muscles in fear of falling off or being thrown off the horse. Towards the end of the ride I started thinking about how I was going to have to get off this horse.
When was the last time you hit a gym?
Do you eat balanced meals all the time or can your skinniness be attributed to a good metabolism?
So anyway that’s not the point of my blog. Please read on.
So my first negative experience with being fat in Banff was when we went for a horseback ride. I had to get on the horse for one…no easy feat to swing your leg around when you are less than flexible. Then the whole 2 hour horse ride I found myself questioning if my weight was crushing the horse, and clenching my muscles in fear of falling off or being thrown off the horse. Towards the end of the ride I started thinking about how I was going to have to get off this horse.
Banff is a place for fit people. There are beautiful trails for hiking, mountains to climb, etc. When we went up the gondola there were tons of sculpted, tanned people who just finished climbing the mountain hanging around. I couldn't help but stare at them and wish that I hadn't screwed up my physcially self so much. Just climbing up a baby hill or stairs makes me out of breath and I feel so, subhuman.
That night we went to the hot springs. Being in a bathing suit is always traumatic but it's especially so when there are woman all around you in great shape. It's even worse when you see Mom's who have young babies or toddlers who have already sprung back to their tonned bods.
The next day we had a spa day. The lady directed us to the change rooms and asked us to change into the bathrobes provided. Suprise they only come in one size. It's an XL and it's too small...unless I want to flash my boobs & crotch for all to see. So that's upsetting. Then for my wrap the lady used some very small towels to cover my naughty bits. At one point I'm sure she had a not-so-nice view of my butt cheeks.
So I came home feeling not so great about my shape. Pretty depressed about it actually. So I'm going to try to get back on my swimming regime. And hopefully my new business venture will keep me busy and now that it's summer there isn't much good TV on so there isn't that to thwart me.
So, this was a sad blog! I wish it were "easy" to get into shape - then there'd be SO many women in life that wouldn't suffer from depression and the feelings of being worthless/not beautiful. Not saying it would solve everything, but i think it would definetly be a huge help.
ReplyDeleteI felt for you as you wrote your blog. there's nothing that anyone can really say to "make it better". I know the last thing that someone who feels they are overweight wants to hear is: "it's personality that counts" and "you look just great as you are!" and "all you have to do is eat well" ..etc, and for me it totally ticked me off if I heard that from someone who was already skinny or way smaller than me!
but, just a boost for you - i just wanted to tell you that you are such an inspiration to me! Your craftiness and eye for design astounds me! Also you are funny and incredibly smart - like, i don't know anyone who knows as much trivia and has as much knowledge as you! I look up to you on SO many levels :)
It must be nice to have a loving and supportive husband though. Tyler treats you amazingly from what I can tell and that makes me happy. Must help the battle a little huh..?
well, that's all I got for now..
Kyla
I think the reason why it's so frustrating is that normally, when I want to accomplish something, or meet a goal I don't have too much of a program getting the job done. I feel successful in many avenues in my life, but not in my health...and I have to images of my physical self, neither of which are accurate and they are opposites of each other.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Tyler, in general, treats me pretty awesome. And I of course, believe I have an awesome personality. I appreciate all your compliments!
I hate that, gernerally speaking, my weight/health/habits are 100% in my control and I still haven't been able to get my act together.
I think no matter what size you are. Every women wants to be skinner or more fit. But it's hard to eat right & exercise with a busy lifestyle. It much easier to grab some take out then to cook if you have a busy night. I think that you are amazing, you are taking steps to make yourself feel better. And I think it's great that you don't let your weight change you life. You are always happy, and the life of any party!
ReplyDeleteShelley