My Brother's Baby Mama

Thought y'all might be interested in the endless drama. I've posted our email communications below & would love some feedback. It can get confusing as we are both "Crystal". Just remember that I am Johnson-Nelson & she is Major (as in Major pain in the butt). You're lucky enough to get dates & times too!

Crystal Johnson-Nelson
September 30 at 12:28am
Hey Crystal,I am thinking about making a trip to the Hat as I haven't seen Chaise in forever & I get major guilt pains whenever someone asks me how my nephew is...it's been ages and he is growing up way too fast! Is there a time that works better for you in the upcoming few weeks? And I was thinking it might be fun to take him to like a park or something so would that be possible? Chat with you soon,Crystal - the Absent Auntie


Crystal Major
September 30 at 6:47am
no pretty much anyytime works, next week Blake is with his dad for the week. If yoiu would like yes we can take him to the park. Listen Crystal I've been wanting to talk to your family about the whole situation and well I want all of you guys involved in Chaise's life including his dad but until his dad has cleaned up and proven that he wants to be in Chaises life, I just can't let Cody take Chaise alone. I know at this point most or all if your family hates me but I wanted you all to know my side of the story. I know down here Cody has been telling people I won't let him see Chaise and that he phones all the time to see him and I tell him no. For the record on my side, I have told Cody he can come and spend time with Chaise at my house and I could make myself invisible and sit in my room but I just do not feel safe with letting Chaise go with an addict. That and it has been so long since Chaise has seen his dad there is no way he would know who Cody is. I mean as it stands right now most days I can't leave the room without him crying. I just needed to get some of this off my chest and please tell your mom that I would love for his grandparents to be in his life.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
October 1 at 5:39am
Okay well I'll keep you posted as early as possible once I nail down some dates.From what I've been told & seen I don't think Cody has tried to do a visit since the child support was figured out? I'm not happy about that but it's his decision that he has to make on his own & live with any consequences from it. I'm hoping he'll sort out his stuff sooner than later and realize what he's missing out on. Don't worry about us "hating" you. We know there are two sides to every story but we also have to be supportive of Cody as long as it doesn't cause Chaise to suffer directly.I understand where you are coming from on the consistency matter and for now I'll leave that issue between the two of you. No matter Cody's involvement, I want to see Chaise as often as possible and keep up to date on his developments. It's a bit difficult as you live 4 hours away but I will keep trying to stay in touch and try to visit (even by myself) as often as I can!FYI - I know my Mom is still interested in being involved but her & my dad are what you could deem "workaholics" and don't travel all that much. I could probably count on one hand how often my mom has been to Medicine Hat since my Aunt & her family moved there so I really wouldn't take that personally if I were you.There definitely seems to be a lot of "he said, she said" happening which I think is the cause of most of the friction between you two. Not uncommon to have that happening in a small town like atmosphere! So...my "big sisterly advice" is to take what everyone says with a grain of salt. And I sometimes think you & Cody need to get some better friends! Ones that will be supportive and helpful and loyal to you guys no matter what, rather than cause drama, hurt feelings and stab you in the back. I've come to find that negatively only causes more negatively and that I need to surround myself with positive people that have my best interests at heart. A true friendship is an exchange of benefits and shouldn't be a one-sided deal :-D So if you find you are evaluating your friendships, make sure you ask, what benefit do I receive for having this person in my life?Ciao for now,Crystal


Crystal Major
October 1 at 8:47am
I have not at any point evaluated my friendships. I know when and why my friends have back stabbed me and in the end I have always known about everything that has been said against me. The friends I have now do have the best interest of Chaise at heart and if it wasn't for them Chaise would not have half the things he has now. But thank you for the advice. I just wish that even if you guys can not make it down here and i do understand the distance between us but I don't see why I have not even gotten a phone call to at least see how he is doing. A phone call or a message on here does not take that much time and I have not even gotten that from anyone. The other thing that bothers me is yes there is two sides to a story but no one has bothered to find out my side of the story.At this point Cody's decisions are not directly affecting Chaise but once he gets old enough to realize that his brother gets to see his dad he is going to start asking questions. And how am I supposed to explain it to him? I am not putting the blame just on Cody but I do feel that he has not shown any real interest in his child at all. I understand how hard it must be for him to have to be around me but he also needs to understand where I am coming from and I have tried to explain this to him but he just got mad and told me that I could explain to Chaise why hes not around when Chaise gets older. This really bothers me because I feel he is leaving all the blame on me and not taking responsibility for his actions whatsoever. Well let me know what dates you will be down and we can arrange something.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
October 2 at 7:08pm
I'm glad you have some good friends now. It's cruical in everyone's life!hmm, well i feel like i have written you messages from time to time to see how he's doing, granted not often enough. though i really have tried to keep the communication open between us. i can't really speak for everyone but i think you would admit that things are pretty messy between you and cody emotionally so it's difficult for us to know if we should call & all that stuff. or even feel comfortable doing it. and realistically, has your family called cody to hear his side? I'm guessing not as that usually doesn't happen. its an ackward situation all around.i don't think my family is disillusioned by Cody, we're pretty awake to his faults and weaknesses. nor do we really try to defend his decisions that much but even though we don't agree with them we can't force him either. i really want cody to be in chaise's life as i didn't have my biological contributer in mine and it really affected how i grew up and the type of person i am today. i've even tried to explain that to him. i know that it is completely not up to you to cater to cody but please know that he is young for his age and actually younger than you already and obviously you are more experience with children than he is so i think it's more natural for you. males have a harder time building that bond than females. i think he's got it in his mind that if he can't be a perfect father than he shouldn't be involved at all...plus i think he really wasn't comfortable going over to your house to see chaise. not just because of you but because of your roommates as well...i think there's some history there? if it were possible for you to put in more than your fair share of effort i think he would be more involved. i know its unfair to ask... but i only hope that you can try to put your emotions and the past aside and keep trying with cody. i know its not up to you but for the long term benefit i hope you can help us. he responds best to positive reinforcement rather than us trying to push him or threatening him or all that jazz. believe me, i know it bothers him that he hasn't seen chaise in a while..he just has a hard time showing it.and i think with the right guidance he could be a really great dad and a really great support system for you too.i know my aunt darlene loves chaise a lot and would probably want to see him every day if that were possible...just know that we are only human with flaws of our own and we are looking to you to know what the next steps we should take are. i'm also sure that if you ever need a sitter or anything like that, that darlene would be more than willing to help out.


Crystal Major
October 2 at 11:21pm
all I can tell you is that I do not know what to tell the next step is. so why don't you tell me what you want the next step to be? the only thing i know for sure is that as this point i am not going to push cody or even bother to try with cody because i feel i have tired everything i possibly can and i have gotten no where and i do not feel it is my responsibility to make sure that cody sees his son. if he were to decide to be in chaises life i would support that fully but at this point until he can prove that is what he wants i am happy with the way things are going in my life. i do want your family involved in chaises life but i can not justify telling you guys what the next step should be, i feel that is fully up to you.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
Today at 3:44am
really, this whole conversation started because i want to come spend time with chaise...i personally feel like i try really hard to see everything from your point of view and be fair and as unbiased as possible. even through the mediation process i just wanted to help everyone see all sides. do you feel as though i haven't or have i offended you? please let me know as this is not my intention. and if you think i have the wrong idea about something or don't know the whole picture (re: you & cody) please fill me in.one of my biggest weaknesses is trying to be a mediator or a "fixer" and maybe that's not suppose to be my role in this situation. my whole family is new at this (we don't have any young babies in our world) so we all feel like we are walking on eggshells and don't want to screw anything up. it's extra awkard as we didn't have much of a chance to get to know you before chaise came due to distance and now you & cody aren't together.i guess my question is: what is your comfort level with us? you said you were disappointed that we don't call but i'm not sure how often is appropriate to call & who should be calling? me, my mom, my dad, my aunt, my grandma...it's going to be difficult for us all to build a relationship with one another so if there are some boundries or expectations i'd like to know up front.i'm asking you what you want from us as we are obviously not meeting what you want with our current actions. this probably comes off as offensive but i don't know how else to ask it?


Crystal Major
Today at 7:54am
my comfort level with you guys is fine and really it doesnt matter who phones i mean from what im hearing all of you want to be in Chaises life but no one seems to be making an effort. the only way that you guys are screwing up at this time is by not phoning and not finding out how things are going. i really wouldnt care if someone or all of you from the family phoned everyday. all i want is for Chaise to know the other side of the family. and no you dont know the whole picture but at this time i feel this is mine and codys problem and he is the one that needs to step up the most and realize what hes missing out on. and the rest of you need to know that the only thing that i care about is my sons being happy. the only ohter boundry i have is that i do not under any circumstanceswant you guys to phone me and ask to take him anywhere without having me near by. i dont want to sound rude and ignorant about it but i know that cody will end up around at some point and i would much rather be able to ease chaise into meeting his dad with me there rather then with people he doesnt really know at all. i have no problems with cody coming with you guys to see him but chaise will not be leaving my house until i feel fully comfortable with it.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
Today at 6:01pm
You know, honestly Crystal, I feel like me & my family are getting the crap end of the stick here. I feel like we have gone out of our way to make you happy & to feel comfortable & to make sure everything is taken care of and we are only getting negative feedback. i'm trying to be logical & unbiased but that doesn't seem to be getting anywhere so:in some ways i understand that you don't feel comfortable with us taking chaise for a couple hours but on the other hand, we are so not criminals so why are we getting treated like that? i don't think we have done anything to indicate that we are untrustworthy or incapable of taking care of a baby...or that we would let any harm come to Chaise. and when i initially wrote i was just asking for myself to visit which lead into this whole chain of emails....also, it's not like cody hasn't met chaise as he has and i don't see how it would be any different for chaise to be with us than with a babysitter or any of your friends. there's always a first time when you meet someone...I think it's a bit difficult for Cody to step up when he is getting threatening phone calls from Corey telling him if he goes near Chaise that he'll get the crap kicked out of him. And no I am not making this up, the moron had the gall to leave voice mail messages on my aunt & uncle's phone. so if corey isn't speaking on your behalf you'd better inform him of that so he backs off.cody isn't any different than he was when you were dating him so i don't know why you are suddenly worried about him being an "addict" or being the father of your child. of course cody isn't an angel but if you're honest you'll admit that neither were or are you. medicine hat is a small place and for every story you hear about cody we've heard one about you. we don't expect you to be perfect so it'd be nice if we were extended the same courtesy. i'm not a big fan of drama, i prefer things figured out and dealt with. i just want to be able to get to know my nephew and for my brother to be able to spend time with his son without worrying about a fight happening (verbal or physical). it really doesn't need to be that complicated. in the last four months i don't think we've seen any emails, pictures or notes from you regarding chaise so it's not as if you have opened the door for us into your lives. i'm really at a loss right now as i think we have taken responsiblity for our shortcomings and that doesn't seem to be enough...

Crystal Major
Today at 7:14pm
i have opened the dorr you may call, email whatever do what you wish i will not withhold contact with him.however at this point in time the only person i trust alone with Chaise is my mother. I'm not offering you anything different then i offer anyone else.

Help!

Okay, so I've been trying really hard to be more positive in life. The Secret, Law of Attraction and all that jazz have been really good to me so far so I want to continue on that path. It would be really easy for me to wallow in my self-pity party about the whole Tyrone-Kim-pregnant thing but I'm tired of ol' Crystal and want to be new & improved Crystal. But I need some help...

I am going to need to be happy for T & K when they officially tell me the news so please help me with some legitimate reasons on why it is a GOOD thing they are pregnant....

Heartbroken

Tonight I found out something expected but also unexpected. Kim, Tyler's brother's "sort of/sort of not girlfriend but they still live together & already have a kid together", is 4 months pregnant.

Apparently if I had gone to Tyler's mom's this weekend as we had planned then I would have found out on Saturday, but we decided to stay home and have some couple time so Tyler found out last night I believe - and then a series of kim's status' on facebook had me wondering. I didn't really think it was true until I point blank asked Tyler & he admitted it. So officially I still don't know as tyrone & kim want to share this "special news" with me directly...P.S. Don't forget that all of you & I don't know about this yet. However she isn't doing that great of job of hiding it (see the evidence of her two status' & one wall message below).

Status, Sep 30 @ 3:02pm - Kim is, yes, again, yes, same guy.
Wall Post by a friend of her's, Oct 1 @ 8:11am (i missed seeing this by 3 hours) - "How far along and when are you due? "
Status, Oct 1 @ 10:18pm - Kim is thinking everyone should know by now...

There are so many micro reasons why this upsets me. Tyler and I have been off any form of birth control since the beginning of November 2007 which is almost a whole year ago and I still am not pregnant. Granted he is only home on the weekends but you would still figure it would have happened by now? I guess I did technically get pregnant last December but I miscarried really early on and feel completely ripped off about that. All around me people have been having babies and getting pregnant and for the most part I have been really happy for them. Tyler & I are still not 100% ready for kids but we fell as though we are as ready as we can be and are waiting for nature to take it's course. The major thought that allowed me to be not upset about everyone else's fertility was that if just Kim doesn't get pregnant before I do, I'd be happy.

Some of the obvious reasons why I felt like this was 1) Kim & Tyrone barely like each other, let alone love each other or are even dating or married or anything like that. They just both want another kid and figure getting one through each other is a good idea as they already share a child. That's messed & don't feel like that's a good reason to have a child. 2) Tyrone isn't working or attempting to earn an income in any way that I respect as he just plays poker and tries to make money that way. That might be fine for some people but when you have no income, are 30, have a child to support and frankly - just aren't that good, than I don't respect that. 3) Both Kim & Tyrone can be stupid, annoying and selfish. And I find them both very immature for their age. I don't feel like they deserve Kira let alone another one!

But basically, one of the not so obvious reasons I just figured out, was that I didn't think this was much of a challenge. I thought it was a safe bet to say, at least if me & my husband can get pregnant before these non-contributing society members who hate each other do than i'm good, you know? And even they beat us to it. And not only that, but are freakin' 4 months along! That's almost half way, so there's like no way for me to catch up.

So that was about five hours ago and everyone is in bed and I can't complain to anyone so i am just stuck with these stupid thoughts in my head...thank God for my blog!

P.S. Don't forget that all of you & I don't know about this yet. However she isn't doing that great of job of hiding it (see the evidence of her two status' & one wall message below).

Status, Sep 30 @ 3:02pm - Kim is, yes, again, yes, same guy.

Wall Post by a friend of her's, Oct 1 @ 8:11am (i missed seeing this by 3 hours) - "How far along and when are you due? "

Status, Oct 1 @ 10:18pm - Kim is thinking everyone should know by now...