Heartbroken

Tonight I found out something expected but also unexpected. Kim, Tyler's brother's "sort of/sort of not girlfriend but they still live together & already have a kid together", is 4 months pregnant.

Apparently if I had gone to Tyler's mom's this weekend as we had planned then I would have found out on Saturday, but we decided to stay home and have some couple time so Tyler found out last night I believe - and then a series of kim's status' on facebook had me wondering. I didn't really think it was true until I point blank asked Tyler & he admitted it. So officially I still don't know as tyrone & kim want to share this "special news" with me directly...P.S. Don't forget that all of you & I don't know about this yet. However she isn't doing that great of job of hiding it (see the evidence of her two status' & one wall message below).

Status, Sep 30 @ 3:02pm - Kim is, yes, again, yes, same guy.
Wall Post by a friend of her's, Oct 1 @ 8:11am (i missed seeing this by 3 hours) - "How far along and when are you due? "
Status, Oct 1 @ 10:18pm - Kim is thinking everyone should know by now...

There are so many micro reasons why this upsets me. Tyler and I have been off any form of birth control since the beginning of November 2007 which is almost a whole year ago and I still am not pregnant. Granted he is only home on the weekends but you would still figure it would have happened by now? I guess I did technically get pregnant last December but I miscarried really early on and feel completely ripped off about that. All around me people have been having babies and getting pregnant and for the most part I have been really happy for them. Tyler & I are still not 100% ready for kids but we fell as though we are as ready as we can be and are waiting for nature to take it's course. The major thought that allowed me to be not upset about everyone else's fertility was that if just Kim doesn't get pregnant before I do, I'd be happy.

Some of the obvious reasons why I felt like this was 1) Kim & Tyrone barely like each other, let alone love each other or are even dating or married or anything like that. They just both want another kid and figure getting one through each other is a good idea as they already share a child. That's messed & don't feel like that's a good reason to have a child. 2) Tyrone isn't working or attempting to earn an income in any way that I respect as he just plays poker and tries to make money that way. That might be fine for some people but when you have no income, are 30, have a child to support and frankly - just aren't that good, than I don't respect that. 3) Both Kim & Tyrone can be stupid, annoying and selfish. And I find them both very immature for their age. I don't feel like they deserve Kira let alone another one!

But basically, one of the not so obvious reasons I just figured out, was that I didn't think this was much of a challenge. I thought it was a safe bet to say, at least if me & my husband can get pregnant before these non-contributing society members who hate each other do than i'm good, you know? And even they beat us to it. And not only that, but are freakin' 4 months along! That's almost half way, so there's like no way for me to catch up.

So that was about five hours ago and everyone is in bed and I can't complain to anyone so i am just stuck with these stupid thoughts in my head...thank God for my blog!

P.S. Don't forget that all of you & I don't know about this yet. However she isn't doing that great of job of hiding it (see the evidence of her two status' & one wall message below).

Status, Sep 30 @ 3:02pm - Kim is, yes, again, yes, same guy.

Wall Post by a friend of her's, Oct 1 @ 8:11am (i missed seeing this by 3 hours) - "How far along and when are you due? "

Status, Oct 1 @ 10:18pm - Kim is thinking everyone should know by now...