Baby Madness - Part 2

Early 2008
Since we had gotten pregnant so easily the first time I really expected it to happen very quickly again. However the circumstances changed as Tyler quit his local job and got a job out near Edmonton at the beginning of 2008. He was/is only home on weekends now which can really effect timing. I started really obsessively taking pregnancy tests all the time which are ridiculously expensive by the way!

I think possibly in January, I found out that my friend Allison was pregnant and due on the same day I had been given. My first, very irrational thought was "bitch stole my baby!". Very irrational cuz 1) Allison is so far from being any kind of bitch & 2) obviously she couldn't possibly have stolen my fertilized embryo and put it in herself nor would she want to if she could.

Another friend/acquantance of mine, Robin, was pregnant too. She was due in May.

Jan 22/08
Still quite bothered by the miscarriage and all the baggage it comes with I wrote the following:

Miscarriage is…
…failure.
…delayed gratification.
…my fear awakened.
…torture for my lack of patience.
…undiscriminating.
…unfair.
…depressing.
…a wedge in the relationship.
…a gavel stopping my happy news.

Feb 28/Mar 1 Weekend

I was very fortunate to travel to Dallas, Texas for a BeautiControl convention. I had gotten into the BeautiControl business sort of by accident and decided to go to the convention at least for the benefit of being around a great bunch of successful women. I never expected to be so blown away by everything and so inspired. I came back practically flying and ready to throw myself into business instead of worrying about getting pregnant.

When Tyler & I had gotten engaged it had been after a long time of me badgering him about it. After that experience I had vowed to myself that having babies would not be the same. I didn't want to pressure Tyler into it in any way (which I was successful with I believe) and I didn't want to pressure my body into the actually conception. Plus I thought if I could just forget about it and having fun with the "trying" part (wink wink) then it would more naturally happen. One of the great benefits I've found with being off my birth control is that my sexual appetite came back after a long hiatus (I think Tyler would say it's a benefit too LOL). So I spent March & April going hard with BeautiControl.

May 3/08

My brother's baby Chaise was born. Pretty exciting stuff! Unfortunately I don't have the relationship or contact with him that I desire. Still working on it though...the most important thing to me is that I don't give up.

May 4 - May 12/08

Tyler & I went to Greece! Amazing time, amazing place. If I hadn't miscarried I would have been approximately 5 months pregnant. I'm believe everything happens for a reason and man those airplane seats would have been even tigher if I had a baby in me! That being said I thought it would have been really cool to tell my baby that he/she was conceived in Greece. What I hadn't anticipated was how tired we both were going to be on the trip from site-seeing etc. We only managed to 'get it on' once I believe and definitely didn't get pregnant from it. However we did manage to have a fabulous vacation and at the risk of sounding like people who annoy me...strengthen our relationship.

May 27/08
My becoming more of a friend and less of an acquantice Robin had her beautiful baby boy Kagan. His features are so small!