Hey Folks,
So one of the original reasons I started this blog was to be able to rant, guilt-free, about my in-laws without hurting my husband's feelings...and it worked really well for me for quite some time!
But now, I'd like to start a new era of writing for myself. Thought provoking, emotional, positive and well "publishable". As much as my in-laws give me great material, I'd never be able to publish it without hurting their feelings and our relationships. So I am starting a new blog now, where it will be free of "secrets" and entirely publishable.
I still hope to be as entertaining as heck, still very "Crystal-esque", so join me in book marking my new blog:
"Inside the Mind...of Crystal"
http://inspirelaughlove.blogspot.com
Thanks to Everyone who has read, commented and enjoyed this blog to date!
Love, Crystal
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
How Many Kids to Have?
I have never really had the "right" answer to this question. First of all, it's incredibly personal. But secondly, ther are just too many pros/cons for every situation that it becomes a decision bases on which ones you can live with. I've always argued that having one kid was wrong cuz they'd be lonely if not growing up than later in life. Two seemed an okay amount, but if something happened to one of them, the other would still be very lonely. Three is just an ugly, uneven number where one is always going to be left out. I know a lot of 3 kid families (my own included) and none of the dynamics seemed healthy. Four...well that just seems like it's starting to be a lot! LOL So you can see the dilemma.
I really liked being pregnant for the most part, it was a pretty textbook pregnancy with me having morning sickness/nausea in the beginning and then just the normal aches & pains throughout. I had some swelling in the end but my blood pressure was always great and I never had gestational diabetes or anything higher risk like that. However, while my labor was also pretty textbook in that nothing "medically wrong" happened, I was pretty disappointed with how well the epideral DIDN'T work. Shortly after giving birth, I swore to myself & the doctors and nurses that I would not be doing that again. They laughed and said they'd see me in two years at which point I said "No, I'm not a stupid person, I will not be doing this again." For the most part, now I think I could possibly handle it again but then I'll be watching someone give birth on reality TV shows and I wonder if I really could?
I can't help but wonder if being in better shape helps someone cope with labor better? I would think that the stronger your muscles are and your aerobic endurance is, you'd be better apt to deal with pushing baby out and enduring a longer labor. As much as my health was fine with the pregnancy, I think that I was at a disadvantage with the epidural's effectiveness possibly due to my weight. I was also really tired and didn't deal with the pain very well.
Okay, so with the question of labor aside, do I really want more kids? I find I am asking myself that a lot lately. Possibly because others keep asking if we're having more. In reality, at this moment in our lives, I do not want more children and neither does Tyler. I am truly having a hard enough time balancing my priorities as it is. So as of this moment we are not having more. My Grandma made a very good point to me. She said, "wait until you want more". For me there is no deadline for when we should have more, so if in 6 months or 2 years or 5 years if we decide we want another child then we can work on it then. We are leaving the window open to the future possibility, but for us, there is no rush to have more. Instead, I am going to continue enjoying Dexter, the great & wonderful baby I have right now and also try to learn to split my attention to include Tyler and my puppies as well.
As of this point I am also very open to the idea of possibly adopting kids in lieu of or maybe in addition to having others down the road. So, I don't have any concerns about my biological clock (plus I am 27 1/2 so I do have a few "hours" left on that clock).
A few years back, when my friend Diana had her girl Jackson, I had asked her if she wanted more kids. At the time, she said she honestly wasn't sure as at that time, Jackson certainly felt like "enough" for her in her heart and I think I understand what she meant by that now. That being said, Jackson will be 3 this summer and Diana is expecting baby number 2 this Spring.
I used to always joke with my mom that I was her first born & perfect so why did she keep trying? Both my brother and sister who came after me have been much more trying for her. I really feel like Dexter is perfect: beautiful, great demeanor (most of the time), and personality to boot...so why should I "ruin" that by having more? LOL
Oh, and one of my long standing arguements has been that you can't have one kid cuz they'll be lonely. But then I asked Tyler, if he really felt like having his brother was a benefit to him...and he kind of brushed it off as a joke but said no, having an older brother who picks on you sucks. So maybe it's not always a benefit to the child.
Thoughts?
I really liked being pregnant for the most part, it was a pretty textbook pregnancy with me having morning sickness/nausea in the beginning and then just the normal aches & pains throughout. I had some swelling in the end but my blood pressure was always great and I never had gestational diabetes or anything higher risk like that. However, while my labor was also pretty textbook in that nothing "medically wrong" happened, I was pretty disappointed with how well the epideral DIDN'T work. Shortly after giving birth, I swore to myself & the doctors and nurses that I would not be doing that again. They laughed and said they'd see me in two years at which point I said "No, I'm not a stupid person, I will not be doing this again." For the most part, now I think I could possibly handle it again but then I'll be watching someone give birth on reality TV shows and I wonder if I really could?
I can't help but wonder if being in better shape helps someone cope with labor better? I would think that the stronger your muscles are and your aerobic endurance is, you'd be better apt to deal with pushing baby out and enduring a longer labor. As much as my health was fine with the pregnancy, I think that I was at a disadvantage with the epidural's effectiveness possibly due to my weight. I was also really tired and didn't deal with the pain very well.
Okay, so with the question of labor aside, do I really want more kids? I find I am asking myself that a lot lately. Possibly because others keep asking if we're having more. In reality, at this moment in our lives, I do not want more children and neither does Tyler. I am truly having a hard enough time balancing my priorities as it is. So as of this moment we are not having more. My Grandma made a very good point to me. She said, "wait until you want more". For me there is no deadline for when we should have more, so if in 6 months or 2 years or 5 years if we decide we want another child then we can work on it then. We are leaving the window open to the future possibility, but for us, there is no rush to have more. Instead, I am going to continue enjoying Dexter, the great & wonderful baby I have right now and also try to learn to split my attention to include Tyler and my puppies as well.
As of this point I am also very open to the idea of possibly adopting kids in lieu of or maybe in addition to having others down the road. So, I don't have any concerns about my biological clock (plus I am 27 1/2 so I do have a few "hours" left on that clock).
A few years back, when my friend Diana had her girl Jackson, I had asked her if she wanted more kids. At the time, she said she honestly wasn't sure as at that time, Jackson certainly felt like "enough" for her in her heart and I think I understand what she meant by that now. That being said, Jackson will be 3 this summer and Diana is expecting baby number 2 this Spring.
I used to always joke with my mom that I was her first born & perfect so why did she keep trying? Both my brother and sister who came after me have been much more trying for her. I really feel like Dexter is perfect: beautiful, great demeanor (most of the time), and personality to boot...so why should I "ruin" that by having more? LOL
Oh, and one of my long standing arguements has been that you can't have one kid cuz they'll be lonely. But then I asked Tyler, if he really felt like having his brother was a benefit to him...and he kind of brushed it off as a joke but said no, having an older brother who picks on you sucks. So maybe it's not always a benefit to the child.
Thoughts?
Friday, April 09, 2010
Purging
Blog #3 for the night if you're counting...
When we decided to put our house up for sale, it was apparent to me that I needs to clean, organize & purge every area of our home so that it showed to its best advantage. I take responsibility for about 85-90% of the clutter in our house. I like to think that we have nice stuff, we just have too much of it.
I started in mid-January with surface level purges as I like to call them (that's the easy purges of getting ride of stuff you don't really like that much) and packed away a bunch of stuff that we don't need on a daily basis. So far I've packed up a good portion of our decorations, books that I've read but want to keep, out-of-season clothes, extra toilettries, and DVDs. I've also got my scrapbooking stuff in that area. I've gotten rid of clothes that don't suit me or don't fit well, books I'm never going to read, DVDs I'm never going to watch again, decorations that i don't "LOVE" and some kitchen stuff that we bought with good intentions but don't use.
For me,I'm ready to start with a clean slate. I know that in the past I have bought things foolishly, but I want to let those items go and learn from them. Tyler sees me getting rid of stuff (aka donating to charity and letting people we know pick through stuff) and he sees money walking out the door. I totally get his point of view, but I want the unwanted stuff gone as soon as it gets that label from me. I can only work hard to try to make sure that I don't fall into the same old habits. I tried to explain this to him (albeit not in the nicest way at first) and I think he gets it. I can't blame him for being skeptical.
I started a lot of the purging on my own, but I've also recently read a book by Peter Walsh called "It's All Much". He makes some really great points in his book and I highly recommend it if you're too attached to some material things. Some of my favorite points are:
-You need to live in the now. So don't save stuff for when "you have a bigger house", "you lose some weight", "it comes back into style", "when I finally have that dinner party". If you really do think things will change, give yourself a time limit and if you still haven't used that item within that time limit, out it goes!
-We have limited space, so do you value that item equal to how much space it takes up in your home?
-Stuff doesn't equal memories, or relatives. Don't keep things out of obligation, but because you actually enjoy them. And if you're not giving it the space it deserves (i.e. if it's in a box in your attic), then you either need to get rid of it, or honor it properly.
-Maintainance: once you have your home in the order you want, do the one in, one out rule.
Since I've begun this purge I feel better about myself and my home. It's been easier to keep the house tidy and I don't feel the need to purchase stuff as much. Sometimes you just have epiphanies about things too. For instance, since I began drinking Starbucks, I also began buying neat coffee mugs here and there. At first from Starbucks but also from like Safeway & such. When I go to have a cup of tea I always use these mugs instead of the ones that match our dish sets (of which there are 8 mugs) since the funness of them, increasing my enjoyment of my beverage. It occurred to me that I have enough "fun" mugs for me and my company to use and that I don't really need to keep the matching mugs out of obligation to the set. I mean, there's no "dish police" that will come make sure that my coffee cups match my plates! And I'd much rather serve coffee/tea in my fun mugs...once I let go of this obligation, I packed up the mugs to go to salvation army and freed up an entire shelf of my cupboard. With the lack of cupboard space that is common in new homes, one shelf is a lot of value!
My purge continued tonight in a new level. I'm not sure what started the thought, but I decided that I needed to delete my two facebook games: Farmville & Mafia Wars as they are huge time suckers. I have enjoyed playing them but they are extremely time consuming and the enjoyment I get from them isn't equal to the time spent on them. And you can never truly master these games as they are constantly integrating new items to get, new levels to achieve etc: there is no end in sight! I don't come away from the game play feeling better about my day. Whereas when i watch a good show or movie, write a blog or read a good book I do feel good about that. So onto the computer i went, hesitated for a few minutes and then blocked the applications from my facebook. I honestly felt some anxiety about deleting them and some regret...which reassures me that I am/was way too attached and needed to sever myself from them. Now if I can just get Tyler to quit them as well, we might actually have some time on our weekends to spend together rebuilding our relationship!
When we decided to put our house up for sale, it was apparent to me that I needs to clean, organize & purge every area of our home so that it showed to its best advantage. I take responsibility for about 85-90% of the clutter in our house. I like to think that we have nice stuff, we just have too much of it.
I started in mid-January with surface level purges as I like to call them (that's the easy purges of getting ride of stuff you don't really like that much) and packed away a bunch of stuff that we don't need on a daily basis. So far I've packed up a good portion of our decorations, books that I've read but want to keep, out-of-season clothes, extra toilettries, and DVDs. I've also got my scrapbooking stuff in that area. I've gotten rid of clothes that don't suit me or don't fit well, books I'm never going to read, DVDs I'm never going to watch again, decorations that i don't "LOVE" and some kitchen stuff that we bought with good intentions but don't use.
For me,I'm ready to start with a clean slate. I know that in the past I have bought things foolishly, but I want to let those items go and learn from them. Tyler sees me getting rid of stuff (aka donating to charity and letting people we know pick through stuff) and he sees money walking out the door. I totally get his point of view, but I want the unwanted stuff gone as soon as it gets that label from me. I can only work hard to try to make sure that I don't fall into the same old habits. I tried to explain this to him (albeit not in the nicest way at first) and I think he gets it. I can't blame him for being skeptical.
I started a lot of the purging on my own, but I've also recently read a book by Peter Walsh called "It's All Much". He makes some really great points in his book and I highly recommend it if you're too attached to some material things. Some of my favorite points are:
-You need to live in the now. So don't save stuff for when "you have a bigger house", "you lose some weight", "it comes back into style", "when I finally have that dinner party". If you really do think things will change, give yourself a time limit and if you still haven't used that item within that time limit, out it goes!
-We have limited space, so do you value that item equal to how much space it takes up in your home?
-Stuff doesn't equal memories, or relatives. Don't keep things out of obligation, but because you actually enjoy them. And if you're not giving it the space it deserves (i.e. if it's in a box in your attic), then you either need to get rid of it, or honor it properly.
-Maintainance: once you have your home in the order you want, do the one in, one out rule.
Since I've begun this purge I feel better about myself and my home. It's been easier to keep the house tidy and I don't feel the need to purchase stuff as much. Sometimes you just have epiphanies about things too. For instance, since I began drinking Starbucks, I also began buying neat coffee mugs here and there. At first from Starbucks but also from like Safeway & such. When I go to have a cup of tea I always use these mugs instead of the ones that match our dish sets (of which there are 8 mugs) since the funness of them, increasing my enjoyment of my beverage. It occurred to me that I have enough "fun" mugs for me and my company to use and that I don't really need to keep the matching mugs out of obligation to the set. I mean, there's no "dish police" that will come make sure that my coffee cups match my plates! And I'd much rather serve coffee/tea in my fun mugs...once I let go of this obligation, I packed up the mugs to go to salvation army and freed up an entire shelf of my cupboard. With the lack of cupboard space that is common in new homes, one shelf is a lot of value!
My purge continued tonight in a new level. I'm not sure what started the thought, but I decided that I needed to delete my two facebook games: Farmville & Mafia Wars as they are huge time suckers. I have enjoyed playing them but they are extremely time consuming and the enjoyment I get from them isn't equal to the time spent on them. And you can never truly master these games as they are constantly integrating new items to get, new levels to achieve etc: there is no end in sight! I don't come away from the game play feeling better about my day. Whereas when i watch a good show or movie, write a blog or read a good book I do feel good about that. So onto the computer i went, hesitated for a few minutes and then blocked the applications from my facebook. I honestly felt some anxiety about deleting them and some regret...which reassures me that I am/was way too attached and needed to sever myself from them. Now if I can just get Tyler to quit them as well, we might actually have some time on our weekends to spend together rebuilding our relationship!
Can I become less Judgemental?
First off, there's a blog before this one peeps if you missed it.
Okay, so the first half of Easter weekend was spent with Tyler's family: his Mom, brother, 2 nieces, and the Baby Mama. Most of the time there I was being very judgement, running a mental commentary on all the things I felt were wrong, annoying, etc. I couldn't wait to leave so that I could communially bitch about things with Tyler &/or write a blog about it.
Is it easy to judge and think harshly about Kim, & Tyrone (and a lot of the times, Mary)? Absolutely. Do I find it entertaining? Sadly yes. BUT, and big BUTT, does it really serve me positively? If I instead find a way to create a bubble around myself and not let them phase me, wouldn't I enjoy myself more during and after their visits? Would Dexter & Tyler also not be better for it? Would my personal karma improve?
I think the answer is yes. And I think that I need to work towards this goal of being less judgemental. In reality, I've got a "shit storm" of stuff I'd like to work on for myself including but not limited to improving my health, improving my finances, finding my passions, utilizing and enjoying my creative side, enjoying and building my family (not by having more kids but by increasing my positive relationships) and an endless list of projects I am always dreaming up.
Plus, I fully believe in the whole Positive attracts Positive...and that negative media is partially responsible for the negative aspects of the world...so why am I perpetuating negativity?? I need to write about positive things, "Good News" so to speak and be putting that into the world. I hope you enjoy it as much as the "bitchings".
:-)
Okay, so the first half of Easter weekend was spent with Tyler's family: his Mom, brother, 2 nieces, and the Baby Mama. Most of the time there I was being very judgement, running a mental commentary on all the things I felt were wrong, annoying, etc. I couldn't wait to leave so that I could communially bitch about things with Tyler &/or write a blog about it.
Is it easy to judge and think harshly about Kim, & Tyrone (and a lot of the times, Mary)? Absolutely. Do I find it entertaining? Sadly yes. BUT, and big BUTT, does it really serve me positively? If I instead find a way to create a bubble around myself and not let them phase me, wouldn't I enjoy myself more during and after their visits? Would Dexter & Tyler also not be better for it? Would my personal karma improve?
I think the answer is yes. And I think that I need to work towards this goal of being less judgemental. In reality, I've got a "shit storm" of stuff I'd like to work on for myself including but not limited to improving my health, improving my finances, finding my passions, utilizing and enjoying my creative side, enjoying and building my family (not by having more kids but by increasing my positive relationships) and an endless list of projects I am always dreaming up.
Plus, I fully believe in the whole Positive attracts Positive...and that negative media is partially responsible for the negative aspects of the world...so why am I perpetuating negativity?? I need to write about positive things, "Good News" so to speak and be putting that into the world. I hope you enjoy it as much as the "bitchings".
:-)
I resign as "General Manager of the Universe"
I was reading a book tonight that mentioned as the main character "somewhere along the line assumed the position of General Manager of the Universe" and tried to control everything in her life. She was driving herself crazy trying to control everything that was not meant to be in her control. That really resonated with me and so, like the character of the book, I also "resign as General Manager of the Universe".
A few weeks back, as Tyler & I (and Dexter of course) were heading back to Red Deer from Calgary, I was discussing with Tyler something that I thought would help him with his life (I can't remember the topic, but it could have been something I was trying to help him "fix" about himself). In an unrude way, Tyler told me to just focus on myself and do what I needed to do to get me where I wanted me to be instead of trying to help everyone else. The comment made me pause and think "Yes, I do need to focus on me and my needs and growth rather than everyone and anyone else's!"
For as long as I can remember, I've been a Fixer. I want to fix everyone's problems and the things they got going on in their life. When I see a great book, an episode on TV, or a great piece of advice I'm always thinking "who needs this information?" Well how about me? There's a few sayings that came in right now. One of my favorites is that you "can't pour water from an empty pitcher" but another commonly know one with a similar message is "Physician, heal thyself". My interpretation of these is that we need to get ourselves in order before we can really help anyone else. Kind of like when you're on an airplane and they say to secure your own oxygen mask first before assisting anyone with theirs.
Another key point I took away from the book was that problems are gifts &/or have gems within them. The example the book used was a customer service rep complaining about angry callers, when in reality, if there weren't customers with problems she wouldn't have a job. That made me look at some of my problems in a new way:
1. Weight Issue - some of the positive within that problem is that I need to be thankful that I can afford an abundance of food, that I have the option of choice for the foods I eat, that I have the time to eat...
2. House selling - positives: we have a house to sell, my husband has work, we have a family that we want to keep together, that we can take time to sell rather than say having the bank foreclosing or some negative like that.
A few more things that I liked from the book:
-that we need to recogize that we will always have "problems" in our lives. That there is never going to be a "just right" time.
-that there are no difficult situations, they are simply situations which our perspective makes "difficult" or some other adjective.
-that we need step away from our situations and thoughts and just observe them for what they are without judgement before making decisions and acting on them.
Not making judgements is a challenge for me...so much so that I want to write a seperate blog on the subject so that this one isn't TOO lengthly.
A few weeks back, as Tyler & I (and Dexter of course) were heading back to Red Deer from Calgary, I was discussing with Tyler something that I thought would help him with his life (I can't remember the topic, but it could have been something I was trying to help him "fix" about himself). In an unrude way, Tyler told me to just focus on myself and do what I needed to do to get me where I wanted me to be instead of trying to help everyone else. The comment made me pause and think "Yes, I do need to focus on me and my needs and growth rather than everyone and anyone else's!"
For as long as I can remember, I've been a Fixer. I want to fix everyone's problems and the things they got going on in their life. When I see a great book, an episode on TV, or a great piece of advice I'm always thinking "who needs this information?" Well how about me? There's a few sayings that came in right now. One of my favorites is that you "can't pour water from an empty pitcher" but another commonly know one with a similar message is "Physician, heal thyself". My interpretation of these is that we need to get ourselves in order before we can really help anyone else. Kind of like when you're on an airplane and they say to secure your own oxygen mask first before assisting anyone with theirs.
Another key point I took away from the book was that problems are gifts &/or have gems within them. The example the book used was a customer service rep complaining about angry callers, when in reality, if there weren't customers with problems she wouldn't have a job. That made me look at some of my problems in a new way:
1. Weight Issue - some of the positive within that problem is that I need to be thankful that I can afford an abundance of food, that I have the option of choice for the foods I eat, that I have the time to eat...
2. House selling - positives: we have a house to sell, my husband has work, we have a family that we want to keep together, that we can take time to sell rather than say having the bank foreclosing or some negative like that.
A few more things that I liked from the book:
-that we need to recogize that we will always have "problems" in our lives. That there is never going to be a "just right" time.
-that there are no difficult situations, they are simply situations which our perspective makes "difficult" or some other adjective.
-that we need step away from our situations and thoughts and just observe them for what they are without judgement before making decisions and acting on them.
Not making judgements is a challenge for me...so much so that I want to write a seperate blog on the subject so that this one isn't TOO lengthly.
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