How Many Kids to Have?

I have never really had the "right" answer to this question. First of all, it's incredibly personal. But secondly, ther are just too many pros/cons for every situation that it becomes a decision bases on which ones you can live with. I've always argued that having one kid was wrong cuz they'd be lonely if not growing up than later in life. Two seemed an okay amount, but if something happened to one of them, the other would still be very lonely. Three is just an ugly, uneven number where one is always going to be left out. I know a lot of 3 kid families (my own included) and none of the dynamics seemed healthy. Four...well that just seems like it's starting to be a lot! LOL So you can see the dilemma.

I really liked being pregnant for the most part, it was a pretty textbook pregnancy with me having morning sickness/nausea in the beginning and then just the normal aches & pains throughout. I had some swelling in the end but my blood pressure was always great and I never had gestational diabetes or anything higher risk like that. However, while my labor was also pretty textbook in that nothing "medically wrong" happened, I was pretty disappointed with how well the epideral DIDN'T work. Shortly after giving birth, I swore to myself & the doctors and nurses that I would not be doing that again. They laughed and said they'd see me in two years at which point I said "No, I'm not a stupid person, I will not be doing this again." For the most part, now I think I could possibly handle it again but then I'll be watching someone give birth on reality TV shows and I wonder if I really could?

I can't help but wonder if being in better shape helps someone cope with labor better? I would think that the stronger your muscles are and your aerobic endurance is, you'd be better apt to deal with pushing baby out and enduring a longer labor. As much as my health was fine with the pregnancy, I think that I was at a disadvantage with the epidural's effectiveness possibly due to my weight. I was also really tired and didn't deal with the pain very well.

Okay, so with the question of labor aside, do I really want more kids? I find I am asking myself that a lot lately. Possibly because others keep asking if we're having more. In reality, at this moment in our lives, I do not want more children and neither does Tyler. I am truly having a hard enough time balancing my priorities as it is. So as of this moment we are not having more. My Grandma made a very good point to me. She said, "wait until you want more". For me there is no deadline for when we should have more, so if in 6 months or 2 years or 5 years if we decide we want another child then we can work on it then. We are leaving the window open to the future possibility, but for us, there is no rush to have more. Instead, I am going to continue enjoying Dexter, the great & wonderful baby I have right now and also try to learn to split my attention to include Tyler and my puppies as well.

As of this point I am also very open to the idea of possibly adopting kids in lieu of or maybe in addition to having others down the road. So, I don't have any concerns about my biological clock (plus I am 27 1/2 so I do have a few "hours" left on that clock).

A few years back, when my friend Diana had her girl Jackson, I had asked her if she wanted more kids. At the time, she said she honestly wasn't sure as at that time, Jackson certainly felt like "enough" for her in her heart and I think I understand what she meant by that now. That being said, Jackson will be 3 this summer and Diana is expecting baby number 2 this Spring.

I used to always joke with my mom that I was her first born & perfect so why did she keep trying? Both my brother and sister who came after me have been much more trying for her. I really feel like Dexter is perfect: beautiful, great demeanor (most of the time), and personality to boot...so why should I "ruin" that by having more? LOL
Oh, and one of my long standing arguements has been that you can't have one kid cuz they'll be lonely. But then I asked Tyler, if he really felt like having his brother was a benefit to him...and he kind of brushed it off as a joke but said no, having an older brother who picks on you sucks. So maybe it's not always a benefit to the child.

Thoughts?