Tuesday, June 23, 2009

More Musings on "Jon & Kate + Eight"

I made sure I watched “Jon & Kate + Eight” last night as the episode info said they were sharing news that would “impact the whole family”. Interestingly, both Shelley and Danielle made comments to me about the shows contents this morning and Danielle requested a blog about it so “your wish is my command”!

Jon and Kate did separate interviews for the camera as they discussed their relationship. Then a black screen with white writing announced that papers were filed on June 22, 2009 to dissolve their marriage.

Kate, to me, gave the impression that she was willing to do whatever it took to save her marriage and stay together. She said that Jon hadn’t yet communicated with her his issues, which is what makes me think that she is willing to work on things while he just wants to cut his losses. I could tell she was very emotional about the topic as she used “um” a lot and paced her conversation very slowly (seemingly holding back tears). She even admitted to giving herself half a day to breakdown about it. In my opinion I don’t think she wanted the divorce.

Jon, on the other hand, to me seems resigned to their fate. He said at this point all he can hope for is to rebuild his friendship with Kate. Whether or not I believe the cheating rumors, it wouldn’t surprise me if he had a girlfriend lined up already as he didn’t seem willing to do any work on the relationship (though who know if they’ve been to counseling or not). With regards to the show, I think he may have suffered a lot of teasing about his wife wearing the pants in the family and I’m sure he’s had a lot of people sympathizing with him (though I don’t for the record). He made a comment that he is “only 32” and so has his whole life ahead of him which made me think this is a midlife crisis for him. Having eight kids so young is a lot to bear for anyone but I don’t think getting divorced, going out drinking and seeking new relationships is the answer.

Both parties claim that they want to do what’s in the best interest of their kids and that bringing them peace and harmony is better than them seeing the couple argue. I agree that couples shouldn’t stay together “just for the kids” and even Dr. Phil once made a comment that kids would rather be ‘from’ a broken home then ‘in’ a broken home. The large home and estate they just moved into has been named the Kids’ Home and so Jon and Kate will live there during their kid time and live elsewhere while the other parent is there. Kate expressed how painful it was going to be to have to leave so Jon could have alone time with them. Jon & Kate are currently committed to spending all the holidays together in peace so that they don’t miss out on the holidays experiences with their kids. I give them a lot of credit for even attempting that, though once significant others enter the picture things might not be so peaceful.

I am honestly heartbroken that their marriage is ending. With every public couple that I see getting divorced, it adds to the statistics and shakes my belief in marriage. When you see really well matched couples or ones who’ve been together a long time it makes you wonder “if they can’t make it work, do we really have a chance?” Jon & Kate have ten plus years together and eight beautiful great kids and from our perspective it didn’t seem like much was done to salvage it. But it takes two people giving 100% (not the classically thought 50/50) each to work on a relationship, so if one of them isn’t in it then there is no point.

I believe that your ability to be a couple is a separate thing from your ability to be a great parenting team. The love and support you provide your children is not based on how much you love your spouse. While I think its irresponsible to purposely create kids with someone who you are not committed to spending your life with (aka Tyrone & Kim), I don’t fault couples for admitting there are better off not together. My Grandma married my Grandpa because she was pregnant with my mom and they had two more kids together before they got divorced. Their marriage was forced and therefore never blossomed as it should and I believe my mom and her siblings suffered because of this. This belief is cemented by the fact that when my mom got pregnant at 16 my Grandpa refused to make her marry my biological contributor and thus I had a very happy childhood that continued once she married someone by choice.

Neither Jon nor Kate fault the show for where their relationship is and to be honest I don’t think the show is to blame. Its entirely possible that the show (and especially the tabloid interest) magnified things so that they happened faster than they would have normally but the elements still had to be there in the first place I think. Jon even says that he’s thankful for the show as it gives them a platform to speak from on what’s the truth and not have it be twisted.

I don’t understand why people are so judgmental about them doing the show and continuing to do the show. Most families struggle with financially providing for one or two kids and can’t even fathom what the expenses would be for eight kids (at this point or the future). So many of my friends have expressed distress about having to choose between having more time with their kids and being able to provide for them. If you were given an opportunity to have a very lucrative income WHILE having MORE time with them, is that really so evil? Plus it has given them many opportunities to experience different places and activities that most families can only dream about. If I was offered a reality show (and really one should be coming cuz I am so darn entertaining LOL) I wouldn’t hesitate to snap it up. Look at all the thousands of people who apply to put themselves in compromising positions for the chance to win one lump sum money (Survivor, Big Brother, Wipeout, Fear Factor). And that’s just for a one time chance. Kate indicated a few seasons ago that the cameras are only there for the times they want them to be, which is more for special events and occassions then everyday life. Maddy, for instance, was getting braces and Kate didn't want the cameras there for that as Maddy is pretty high strung as it is and Kate thought it would interfer with her experience. So we didn't see Maddy get braces, she just suddenly had them. I really do believe that Jon & Kate put the kids interests above personal gain and fame.

Though I try not to partake in tabloid stuff, I couldn’t help but watch a special about Jon & Kate that was on a few weeks ago and it infuriated me. First off, there were allegations that Kate is having an affair with her body guard because he goes everywhere she does...isn’t that the point of a body guard? (P.S. She needs the body guard because of the overwhelming paparazzi). Then they were criticizing Kate because:
-she has gotten a better hair cut & highlights (who wouldn’t after seeing yourself on tv like that, and I get new haircuts/highlights like ever 6-8 weeks),
-she goes tanning “twice a month” (I’m pale skinned, but I know people who go 2, 3, 4 and even 5 times a WEEK),
-she’s dressing better (again, seeing yourself on tv and making public appearances, you’re going to make an effort to look good...plus there are many episodes where she is in sweat pants),
-she got a confirmed tummy tuck and possible boob job (after 8 kids and nursing I would say yes to both as well...i might even say yes to both after 1 kid!),
-she’s “taken advantage of her fame by writing a book” (a great and inspiring book if any of you care to read it, I own it. If there weren’t people willing to read it she wouldn’t be able to write it. Besides, writing a book is hard work),
-she’s bossy with the kids (I think she does the very best she can with the eight she has and I really don’t think anyone can fault that she is a great mom).

Everyone has faults if you look close enough.

Of all the reality show families they certainly seems to get the most flack and to me it seems a lot of that flack is based on them being too “real”. Too be honest I think Kate is sometimes nicer than I have been to Tyler and I am definitely higher maintenance than she is! How many of your households could stand up to public criticism? All of this arguing is done for the sake of the kids...so look at them. They are well behaved, loving, smart and amazingly unspoiled kids with emerging individualized personalities. They have schedules, eat organic, healthy food and have a beautiful home and grounds to play on. They should have trust funds that can provide for secondary education if they so choose it and will have many wonderful memories of growing up that are very well documented for them. I don’t know about you but I love looking back at my younger self and would love to have all the footage they will have.

So I ask of these nay-sayers, what are you giving your kids? Are you really a “better” parent? Do you truly deserve to be on your high horse or would the public find something to criticize you for too?

1 comment:

  1. Danielle4:54 PM

    I instantly sided with Kate throughout this whole ordeal. I guess it's because I naturally identify with her more than Jon. I agree that she has to be bossy and even a bit of a control freak to keep her home functioning. It will be interesting to see how Jon handles all 8 kids on his own. I was offended by his comment about being "excited" about starting a new chapter of his life. It seemed very obvious to me that it was him who wanted the divorce. He didn't even seem sad to me. He's definitely angry, but I don't really understand why. It's almost as if he woke up one day and realized Kate was the one running the relationship. It's like he was oblivious before. I don't know why, but I just assumed they would be one of the married couples that stay together forever.

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