Late Night Freak Show

So I don't think I'll be missing many more early morning swims...I slept in this morning so decided that I'd go to late swim (9pm-10pm) to make up for it. Well guess what, there is an abundence of freak shows who go to late night swim. They are:

-middle aged guy who stares at you and is wearing yellow flippers and making weird noises as he swims (think grunts). he also happens to be the guy in the hot tub who needs to make conversation for no reason (so which city pool is your favorite?).

-crazy short yet muscular grannie who jumps up and down in one spot,

-super tanned, hairy chest, slightly chubby gold medallion wearing guy,

-weird teenage kid who doesn't understand the etiquette of swimming where you respect people's personal space in the pool, who expects you to move for him but won't move for you,

-teenage girl & middle aged women who appear to maybe be giving each other swimming lessons...couldn't quite figure it out (oh & the teenage one was crying when I got there).

-several creepy old guys (but there are a handful of them in the morning too).

-quiet middle aged lady who frequently makes eye contact but never talks, head nods or even slightly smiles.

-plus tons of crazy splashing swimmers (why do they need to make so much of a splash?).

Good times. I decided to treat myself with a little hot tub time so I watched for an optimal moment for when the tub was empty...I saw the opportunity, went for it and then realized when it was too late that there was a guy already in it (quiet philphino guy). Alright I can deal with that. Oh no wait, the creepy yellow flipper guy is right behind me & is now joining the hot tub. Oh & there's another middle aged guy joining us. And then the gold medallion guy. Then a totally normal looking late 20s guy (I wasn't fooled though, I know he too must be a freak). I was blocked in. I don't do hot tubs well on account of them being so hot. I was ready to get out after like 90 seconds but they had the stairway blocked. Not too mention I was loathing having to bare my pale ass to all of them as I emerged from the water. But after five minutes or so I had to make my break for it. Stubbed my toe on the way out, so hard it busted some skin. Ow. So yeah, I'll be aiming for morning swim from now on!

Wanted Immediately...

Challenge

So Catharina says she can eat 10 Easter cupcakes in a minute...anyone care to challenge her? Maybe 11?

Numb Chuck Skills...

With all of my self-professed skills (scrapbooking skills, graphic design skills, numb chuck skills, gift of gab skills, talking skills) I am still waiting to become a zillionaire. What up with that?

So for all you talent scouts out there, I am sick of waiting for YOUR earliest conveinence and would appreciate if you could come discover me and help me get wealthy. Thank you. Peace Out.

I Will Survive...

First, I want to confess that I missed the last five days in a row of swimming. ~Pout~ The first two days were because I was sick, Friday was because Tyler came home the night before and I didn't get to bed at a decent hour, Saturday was because I chose Costco over swimming and Sunday was because I chose doing nothing over swimming.

Second, I want to "brag" that I did make it to swimming this morning before work. Yah! One day at a time right?

Third, I want to whine that it is very hard for me to be positive...in general. It is SO much easier to bitch, be annoyed, make fun of people, gossip and focus on the negative. Why is that?

Forth, I want to confess, after reviewing number three, that maybe I am not as good a person as I think I am. I told this to my co-worker Bev once (at Property Team) and she reassured me that it's very human to be selfish. I miss Bev...I wonder where she is now?

Seven!

There are seven parts of the woman's body that you can stimulate to create pleasure (according to an episode of "Friends"). To this day I can't name 'em all...but I digress.

I'm actually referring to the fact that I went swimming again this morning which makes seven days in a row. Yep I'm doing a victory dance (in my head) right now.

I hate people...

#1: One of the ladies who REFUSED to go in on the christmas thing for my boss because she said it was "against company policy & business etiquette" to buy a gift for your boss, buys him a coffee like almost every day. What is that?

#2: My friend Catharina who desperately needs a vacation had planned to go to the Dominican with her friend Katie at the end of April. Well then Katie, who originally said she had $10,000 in the bank calls Cat and bails because a) she can't afford it & b) cuz it'll remind her of the guy she just broke up with who lives in Cuba. Cat called her out on the money issue and so Katie relented. Then, last night, Katie calls Cat & says "I just quit my job, I can't go to the Domincan." This is especially jerky cuz Catharina doesn't have anyone else to go with (including family as they run a business and can't take vacations at the same time). So if you want to go on vacation with Catharina at the end of April give her a call!

Why I hated high school...

I hated high school because I was a really sensitive person and I allowed others' opinions dictate how I saw myself and I allowed others' words to hurt me. I thought I had gotten stronger since I left my hometown of Grimshaw, but I had a flashback of that today.

I joined this social networking website www.facebook.com last week and I have been hooking up with long lost friends and aquaintences. One of these people was my friend Laurie (yeah the one in the poem I posted a while ago). We had a little chat and caught up with each other. ThenI decided to "add as a friend" her husband Carl (the guy from the poem). Here's what happened:

Me: Clicked to add Carl as a friend

Carl: Messaged me "WTF We aren't friends."

Me: Messaged back "Why not?"

Carl: Message to me "Let us just say that your treatment of Laurie in high school was less than optimal. You are a fair weather friend at best. All of these things I find distasteful in a person. I understand that this was at least 7 years ago, but based on the fact that Nikki was in your bridal party, and your supposed best friend of 10 years never even got an invite, things apparently haven't changed that much. As such, I fly in the face of facebook culture and I don't blindly add everyone I know. The people on my friends list are people that I like, and it shall remain that way."

Me: Message back "Touche. I don't always say & do the right things. However you may have noticed that Laurie & I have added each other and are trying to catch up. As for the not inviting her to the wedding I guess I hadn't talked to her in like 5 years so hadn't thought of it as we were trying to keep the wedding smallish (but now feel bad as maybe she was hurt by this). Nicki & I still keep in contact so that is why she was a bridesmaid. Hey, plus I don't remember being invited to yours! P.S. - I wasn't trying to blindly add everyone but instead try to reconnect with people I don't normally talk to. I seem to remember a point where we did get along so if you change your mind I am opening to adding you."

Then I really let his words bother me. I like to think that I do the best I can as a human. I am very emotional and passionate person so sometimes I say or do things I regret but I don't think anyone can say they are perfect in this regard. I don't really remember exactly what went down between Laurie & I. What I do remember is that I was pissed at her for "ditching" me for her boyfriend and was upset that she didn't confide in me anymore. I'd like to think that I wasn't being any more bitchy to her than she was to me but I could be wrong. What I do know is that shortly after Tyler & I started dating I wrote her an apology letter (so that was a good five years back). As for the not inviting her to the wedding, I don't think it's protocol to invite people you are not currently chummy with no matter how many years of friendship you have together...

Thoughts? Am I a "fair-weather friend"?

I Love This...I giggle each time i get it...

Three days in a row-ho...

Three days in a row-ho. I have gone swimming before work three days in a row!

Day 2 of...

I was so pooped yesterday that I went to bed at 9:00pm. Nine pm! I never go to bed that early LOL And it was still tough to get out of bed and head to the pool. I wavered in my resolve and thus only got 20 minutes of swimming instead of 30 but 20 is better than zero. Keeping the habit is the most important part -right Melissa?

P.S. In case you're wondering, yes I did just discover how to change the color of my font (and style, etc.). I really do belong in a special program, so sad.

the Secret

If you haven't heard of the Secret yet then you must go to the link below &/or borrow the DVD from me &/or buy your own DVD/book. I'd like to go into detail but I think it just won't do it justice.

The basics: it's a philosophy about how to get what you want out of life.

www.allabreve.org/thesecret.html to watch it for free

www.thesecret.tv to order a copy (or you can get it at any bookstore)

Old Dutch Ketchup Chips

I would quite possibly die without Old Dutch Ketchup Chips. They are without a doubt, my most favorite thing to eat (I'm ususally displaying the evidence: red fingertips) and I would NEVER eat another brand of ketchup. Thanks Old Dutch for making the world a better place!

What Season Am I? Winter

You Are a Winter

You look ravishing in: Black, burgundy, emerald green, hot pink, icy colors, navy blue, red, royal purple, and white

What Season Color Are You?

Bored? Lonely?

Try joining www.facebook.com It's an amazing website where you can post a profile, join groups, write notes and meet new & old people. Not only am I the president* but I am also a member!

Sign up today & add me as a friend for FREE.

*Disclaimer* Crystal Nelson is not actually the president of facebook.com, she used it only in reference to the "hair club for men" slogan...

Day 1 of the rest of my life...

So wonders never cease. I made it my goal to get up this morning and go swim laps before work: and I DID IT. The water at this pool was way more warm then it has been at my aqua aerobics. The lifeguard on duty was super nice and introduced me to the pool and it's amenities. And a month's pass was only $18! The plan is to go before work every week day so that works out to like a buck a day. Pretty cheap. I went from 6:30am - 7:00am and that still gave me enough time to get ready for work and be on time for that for once. The good thing is that now I am really awake by the time I get to work. The negative thing right now is that I am STARVING cuz I didn't eat enough for the work I exerted.

Perspiration

“Laughter is inner jogging.”
~ Norman Cousins

Anger Management

This is an email that has gone around a few times but I LOVE it and it makes me smile...I hope it's true LOL:

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the right f*****ing number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally reversed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from Verizon. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote it down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is," he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd , in Vaucluse. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?""I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?""Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. Then I came up with an idea.

I called Asshole #1."Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd , Vaucluse, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2. "Hello?" he said.

“Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd , Vaucluse, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover.

Then I call Ed Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in MowbrayBlvd, Vaucluse. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray. I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the shit out of each other infront of six cop cars, an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.

NOW I feel much better. Anger Management really works…

Shout out to Saskatchewan Shelley...

So this weekend I got to meet an internet buddy on my part and a good friend of my friend Mel's: Shelley. During our conversations she claimed that she liked my blog and wanted to read it but lost the link so I've re-added it to my MSN name. So if you're reading this Shellster just wanted to let you know that you get "two thumbs up" from the Fonz.

P.S. - It really helps your case that you think I'm funny. Anyone who thinks I'm funny is cool in my books!

P.P.S.- I'm really enjoying the new CD I bought "Lily Allen"...she rocks.

As if!

Okay so on my lunch break I was watching a "Baby Story" on TLC. The woman on the episode was struggling through over 24 hours of labor when I had to leave to go back to work. What pissed me off about the episode was that the woman wanted to have an epideral to help with the pain but the husband didn't believe in anything but a natural birth so he was talking her out of it. She was having nervous breakdowns, bawling, talking about how she couldn't make it through and that she felt like her top half of her body was being ripped from the bottom. Basically begging him to allow her to have the epideral.

So, yeah. That will not be the case when I have a baby. Until Tyler is the one pushing something the size of a watermelon out something much smaller he doesn't have a say in my pain medication during delivery!

A little story...

My grandpa had a poster in his entryway that had this story and a picture of a rooster on it. I'm not sure of the relevance of the rooster (maybe to appeal to farmers, which worked cuz grandpa was one?)...so anyway I've always liked it.

Once there were four individuals: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody --who amoungst themselves were given a task.

Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Of course, Nobody knew better so Nobody did it. And that got Everybody angry. As soon as Everybody met Somebody, Everybody let Somebody know that this was NO way to do things. After all, Nobody was doing the actual work, and Everybody felt Somebody should have done it. However, after a suitable pause, Nobody noted that Everybody was upset with Somebody for something Anybody could and should have done.

~This is so relevant to everyday life!~

Wedding Drama Aftermath

So I get to work this morning and have an email from my friend Kyla, it reads:

"So, you know how I told you about Friday’s dealio with my now past friend Becca? Well, I got online to quickly check my email when I got to Michael’s, and I had this email saying “please confirm myspace cancellation”. Well, Becca knew my password to myspace because she created it.. and she also knew that it was very close to my hotmail password (so she would have had to guess to find out my hotmail one).. anyways, she DELETED my myspace! And, while I was online too! I was reading the cancellation email, went over to my myspace to see what was up cuz it said that if I didn’t confirm it wouldn’t delete.. but by the time I pulled up my myspace, it was gone.. and I refreshed my hotmail and that email was deleted. "

That is just crazy. Unbelievable. Juvenile. And possible, delinquent (like as in prison time). It is not okay to delete someone's profile, online journal & /or email. Not cool at all.

Comments?

Oh & stay tuned for "Weddings & True Colors: Case #3 (Shelley)"...it's a biggie so its taking some time...

Weddings & True Colors

So weddings are both one of the best times in your life and one of the worst times. It's the best because you are celebrating your committment to the one you love. They are the worst because everyone else in the world thinks your wedding is about THEM. I got married in July 2005 so my wedding was some time ago but the pain of the way some people acted still really bothers me. I have lots of stories about the time preceeding my wedding and the event itself but I'm planning on publishing a collection of short stories so you have towait for the book...LOL

CASE #1: I am bringing it up because a good friend of mine, Kyla (hey Kyla!) got engaged recently and she is already being stressed by other people's needed. A friend of her's Becca, immediately upon hearing about her engagement asked "So am I a bridesmaid?" Which is a fairly rude question if you are not willing to accept both plausible answers. My friend Kyla was torn over what to say as she is limiting her party to two woman and had 2 others on the top of her list. I encouraged her to go with her instinct and let her friend down gently. Becca reacted by telling Kyla she wasn't a good friend and that if she wasn't a part of the bridal party that she obviously wasn't wanted and wouldn't be coming to the wedding at all. Well I don't know about you but that would haven totally changed my mind and I would have asked her to be in my wedding...NOT!

CASE #2: My friend Diana was excited by her engagement and emailed a friend to annouce this engagement and to ask if she would be a bridesmaid. This friend was also getting married but hadn't asked Diana to be in her party (which was cool by Diana). The friend reacted by not responding to the question or annoucement but asking Diana if she'd be in her party...I'm not sure what came of that exactly but I'm fairly certain the friend wasn't in the party. (P.S. - If I got any part of this story wrong Diana please let me know!)

More cases to come but, I pose the question: why are people so selfish?