I hated high school because I was a really sensitive person and I allowed others' opinions dictate how I saw myself and I allowed others' words to hurt me. I thought I had gotten stronger since I left my hometown of Grimshaw, but I had a flashback of that today.
I joined this social networking website www.facebook.com last week and I have been hooking up with long lost friends and aquaintences. One of these people was my friend Laurie (yeah the one in the poem I posted a while ago). We had a little chat and caught up with each other. ThenI decided to "add as a friend" her husband Carl (the guy from the poem). Here's what happened:
Me: Clicked to add Carl as a friend
Carl: Messaged me "WTF We aren't friends."
Me: Messaged back "Why not?"
Carl: Message to me "Let us just say that your treatment of Laurie in high school was less than optimal. You are a fair weather friend at best. All of these things I find distasteful in a person. I understand that this was at least 7 years ago, but based on the fact that Nikki was in your bridal party, and your supposed best friend of 10 years never even got an invite, things apparently haven't changed that much. As such, I fly in the face of facebook culture and I don't blindly add everyone I know. The people on my friends list are people that I like, and it shall remain that way."
Me: Message back "Touche. I don't always say & do the right things. However you may have noticed that Laurie & I have added each other and are trying to catch up. As for the not inviting her to the wedding I guess I hadn't talked to her in like 5 years so hadn't thought of it as we were trying to keep the wedding smallish (but now feel bad as maybe she was hurt by this). Nicki & I still keep in contact so that is why she was a bridesmaid. Hey, plus I don't remember being invited to yours! P.S. - I wasn't trying to blindly add everyone but instead try to reconnect with people I don't normally talk to. I seem to remember a point where we did get along so if you change your mind I am opening to adding you."
Then I really let his words bother me. I like to think that I do the best I can as a human. I am very emotional and passionate person so sometimes I say or do things I regret but I don't think anyone can say they are perfect in this regard. I don't really remember exactly what went down between Laurie & I. What I do remember is that I was pissed at her for "ditching" me for her boyfriend and was upset that she didn't confide in me anymore. I'd like to think that I wasn't being any more bitchy to her than she was to me but I could be wrong. What I do know is that shortly after Tyler & I started dating I wrote her an apology letter (so that was a good five years back). As for the not inviting her to the wedding, I don't think it's protocol to invite people you are not currently chummy with no matter how many years of friendship you have together...
Thoughts? Am I a "fair-weather friend"?
dude, so this aggrivates me that you have to deal with crap like this. 1. you are definetly not a fair-weather friend. You are an AMAZING friend! Always there, always willing to help if possible.
ReplyDeleteIt absolutely inferiates (sp?) that people in general place their level of friendship on whether or not they get invited to your wedding. (and that since he knows you so well, he has a say apparently in who you should have has as your bridesmaids). And, since you apologized (as you said, via letter) I think that they need to let anything up until that apology letter go. If something happened AFTER that apology (which it sounds like it didn't) then they'd have right to hold a grudge.
This guy obviously is trying to play the hero for his little wifey - but maybe he should have spoken with her first to see if such harsh words were necessary. Or, you may ask her if that's how she feels and if you are wasting your time trying to re-kindle a talking-based friendship.
And, just so you know, you are not overly sensative, and if you are, it's not by any means a bad thing. I feel I am very sensative, but really, by being sensative I can express what I am feeling (whether tears or involved or not) - and i've learned that if I try to keep stuff in it just bottles up and i have a mini breakdown. So, do not feel that this is your fault in any means. Mistakes have been made in the past - as far as high school even (WHICH in my opinion does not count because we are all so young and think we are so mature, but really we are just children still) - and people need to just let crap go. Obviously he hasn't and he needs to grow up a bit (or alot)
Don't know if I make sense, but heck, I do in my own mind! :)
Love you Crystal!
-Kyla
Thank you Kyla. What you are saying makes so much sense. I guess being sensitive is both good & bad. And everyone I bring up this story to reassures me that he is crazy to still have a grudge.
ReplyDeleteHey,
ReplyDeleteHigh school is high school. We all say or do things that we regret. We are grown ups now and should be able to forgive ourselves and eachother for the silly things we did. If you are trying to reconnect with an old friend they need to get over it, move on, start over.
Also how many of your friends, family, coworkers or acquaintances you haven't spoken to in years - are you able to dictate who is invited to or in the wedding? That is ridiculous. Even if you were in touch with her, you have a limit of how many people can attend and if she was a friend she would understand that.
So maybe it is just him, dredging up and remembering hurts he had to listen to years ago - possible. But less men keep grudges than women, so I would not discount that he is bringing it up. Either 1.she is still talking about it 2.she is not, but he will prevent you from reconnecting. Is it worth it?