In a Funk...

As the title may have tipped you off, I am in a funk. I'm so "funked" that I'm not even sure what my funk is. Sometimes I get in a mood where I feel like I just need a giant, big cry. Not for any particular reason but for all of them.

Getting really personal...

Another item that's in the back of my mind if my brother's life. He's twenty, but honestly a pretty young twenty. We're very different people in most ways: my academicness vs his athleticness, my leadership vs his following, my straight-laced vs his rebelness. I complained a lot about my upbringing but he suffered in an entirely different way than me. My parents were quite strict with me about my life and bedtimes and homework but I was a pretty quick learner and didn't rock the boat much. He was a brat from the moment I first remember him: peeing in plants as a toddler, chasing my friends and I around with golf clubs and knives, and I was stuck baby-sitting him all the time as I was six years older. He seemed to break the rules all the time and get into trouble at school. My mother did the classic "wait until your father gets home" (which I swear I never want to do) and my brother would get spanked when my dad got home. When I think back to those moments I feel completely sick. It really caused me to fear and almost hate my dad which was completely unfair for him. It wasn't until I was gone from home a few years until I was able to start really building a relationship with him. Now there are reasons when I would argue that spanking is good and there are many reasons why it isn't. I think it's important to re-evaluate each situation and each child to figure out how you can help them learn the lessons they need to learn. I guarantee you that my brother didn't learn a single thing from those spankings nor the groundings that they attempted to give. The only purposed\ they served was to drive him away and into the arms of the drug world.

When I left home for college he was a mere 12 years old. He went through the hard teenage years without the benefit of an older sister. As the kind of guy who likes to please and go with the crowd, he fell into the drug scene and moved out of my parents before he was even 16... and across the back alley into a house with a known drug dealer who was almost 30 and another guy who was my age. Eventually he moved to my Aunt & Uncle's down in Medicine Hat and has spent the last 5 years moving back and forth. With the benefit of hindsight and the relationships I have with my brother and sister now, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for not being there for them during those years. I hated my life in Grimshaw and when I moved to Red Deer in August of 2000 I never looked back. I avoided even visiting Grimshaw for a long time (I called home at thanksgiving and announced i wasn't coming home & they could redecorate my room as I'd never be moving back). I've made some peace with my life there and have gone to Grimshaw more in the last year than I had probably combined for the first 5 years.

So when I look at my brother now I feel like I absolutely contributed to the things he missed out on and where he is now. If I were to grade myself on being a big sister i would definitely give myself a failing grade. I know that he's a chronic pot smoker and I know he's dabbled in other drugs but I have no way of confirming exactly how much he does (he has a tendancy to exaggerate). He got duped by a 24 year old woman and now has a 5 month old to look after...he doesn't have his high school education and he has an uncanny ability to attract losers into his life who take advantage of him. He has a great big heart but doesn't have the self worth built up to take control of his life. I know that he has the ability to choose his options in life but there's a reason that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer in this world. I know he feels stuck in his life and I'm not sure what his way out is...

How do we open the eyes of our loved ones to this great big world? In my family, it's the weirdest thing: we would fight to the death for each other but we have a really hard time saying "I love you" or even hugging each other. In Tyler & my relationship I was often the "guy" in the way that I felt uncomfortable saying how I felt. To this day I struggle with validating my emotions and feeling like they are as important as my intellectual opinions. Sometimes I can be very open, to a fault, but then i also have this invisible barrier that NO ONE gets across. Writing this blog is a struggle, and even now I am not sure it will ever see the light of day...as it is very personal. It's scary to be this personal. I tend to use humor to cover these things.

Like with my career right now. I find myself constantly saying "since i'm not working" or "since i don't have a real job" when really i think i am working just as hard on these things as I ever did. The first time I really started to embrace my self worth was when I got my first job at KFC. I grew a voice there and felt like I finally was finally someone. I guess it was at this point that i equated self worth with making money. I love being an Independent Consultant for BeautiControl and Home & Gift but it's also not completely fulfilling me, especially financially at this point. I've created this high maintenance lifestyle focused on stuff for myself and it's hard to break it. I hate having to ask tyler for money for MY bills and MY life. When people ask me how it is going (which is a common courtesy question) I feel like I need to say "oh i'm making X dollars" for it to be valid. Of course all of these things boil down to my own issues and my perspective. I treat people how to treat me, right? So how do I get my mind in order?

All the important people in my life are saying all the right things. My mom and surprisingly even my dad think its great that i'm doing this. My dad hates "sales people" and he completely respects what I am doing. To the point that he even paid for my flight to my convention in Dallas. Tyler has been supportive in every way imaginable. At the end of August I had a breakdown because I officially had no extra money coming in from being laid off. I felt like I was nowhere near when I thought I would be after working my BeautiControl business for 6 months and that Tyler would expect me to get "a real job" to continue paying the bills.

Tyler was the one who pointed out how much I had done in those 6 months (verus the "nothing" I was critizing myself with) and said he had no problem with me continuing to pursue my independant consulting versus looking for other work. Who could ask for a more supportive husband? However, now I feel a huge weight on my shoulders for how hard he works. It's not like he has an easy job. He lives at his mom's in edmonton for the work week and does ten hour days of physically labor so I can pursue this. And he doesn't even come home to a clean house!

I seem to be busy all the time but I am not sure what I am busy doing...I hate my sleep habits but also don't seem to be able to control them.

With my consultanting work I sometimes feel as though I don't make the cut in a lot of ways - like being consistant or having the drive to get up early on my own. But then in many ways I feel like it is for me and that I want to prove that I can do it so I can lead the way for others. I love my products and I feel passionately for them but sometimes I feel like there is a gap between how I feel about them and how I am getting that across to others. How do I get people passionate about their skin? One of the things that keeps me going is when I get feedback about people loving the products and when I hear about how the products have helped them. My mom has seen improvement in her skin discoloration (noticed by my aunt & grandma), my mother-in-law has less wrinkles, my skin looks healthier and one of my team members had her eczema clear up...

It's really hard for me to look at my successes over my failures...

To add more craziness to my mind is the whole baby issue. We've been off any form of birth control since November. I got pregnant right away in December but had a miscarriage. I haven't gotten pregnant since and in some ways I am thankful for the time to prepare and in others I am completely impatient. I know I will never be 100% ready for children and I know I want to have kids in my life so sometimes it's like "hurry up already universe!" But then I know I'd really have to get my ducks in a row if I had a baby coming...which is partly why I want one. Cuz I work better with deadlines and pressure! I am totally a person who doesn't deal well with not having control over things and I am trying really hard to be blaze about the baby thing and say that everything happens for a reason and that I'll get pregnant when we are suppose to. One of my friends happened to have the same due date I would have if I hadn't miscarried. She had her baby a few weeks ago (she lives in Grimshaw so I haven't met baby yet) and it is completely surreal to think that, that could easily be us. Tyler working out of town complicates matters even more and in more ways than one...getting pregnant and figuring out how to make life work when baby comes.

Ulg, it's late and I don't even know if this blog makes sense. My mind is all over the place, I kind of feel like my mind is swimming in the deep end. It'll be interesting to see what kind of comments I get on this one.

Business Blog Update

For those of you who may have clicked on my blog link, I typo'ed! The website is:
http://spa4yoursoul.wordpress.com

I accidently added a "d" after soul in the previous entry but that's been fixed now.

I am Addicted to Staying Up Late

So I have this stupid, annoying habit of being tired but not wanting to go to bed. Sometimes I just stay up ridiculously late (like 4, 5, 6am) and sometimes I just end up staying up the whole night and starting another day. It sucks. Well in some ways it sucks but as Dr Phil says I must be getting some sort of "payoff" to continue the behavior.

The ways that is sucks is that for one I am not really that product in my time awake. I'll maybe get some shows watched, or putz around on the internet, or read but nothing that is really income generating or happiness generating for myself. Also because then I am on the opposite schedule of the rest of humanity and I don't get personal errands accomplished and visiting times in with friends, etc.

The ways that I enjoy it is, in some sick sense, I get a sense of accomplishment by "beating the clock" so to speak and staying up all night. I feel like I am in on some big secret that other people aren't by being awake. And in some ways I don't want to go to bed cuz I feel like I am "giving up on the day". It's bizarre. It's also a very vicious cycle because if I stay up late like say 7am, then sleep until like 3pm then I don't feel tired at a normal hour such as 10pm...see what I'm saying?

My psychiatrist gave me sleeping pills and told me to take one or two at like 9pm every night so that it makes me sleepy and forces me to bed. So the first night I took two and viola, up at 5:30am and off to the swimming pool. But I wasn't consistent with my sleeping pills and habits and I am back to square zero again only a couple weeks later. I've even set my cell phone to ring at certain times of the day so that I'll have a reminder to take them, but I just resist.

I've gotten countless lectures on how I am damaging my body with my erratic (sp?) sleep behavior but I don't think I've ever done well with critcism. My therapist (who was amazing) is on mat leave right now so I'm just now sure how to work through this hurdle.

I read a great book recently and the author's advice was "just do it"...I'm sure there is boundless wisdom in that.

With that being said it is now 8:10am, I haven't been to sleep yet, but my bed is calling. Adios.

Business Blog

Ladies & Gents,

I know it seems a little silly to start another blog when I barely maintain this one, however I was reading on http://www.salesdivas.com/ (an excellent marketing source by the way) that you should offer a few "free" services to enhance your business and stay in the forefront of customers minds. So I started http://spa4yoursoul.wordpress.com/ (hmmm, maybe a website faux pas to mention other blogger sites on a blog site??). Add it to your bookmarks because it will be filled with tips, quotes, book recommendations, jokes, etc that nourish your soul. I will try not to be too repetitive between what I post on that one & this one but some crossover may happen.

However, for those of you who enjoy my rants, raves and drama/comedy (dramedy) stories on a personal level, those will remain on this site as I don't advertise this one to "clients".

Ciao for now,

Your Fun & Funny Spa Diva

Crystal

Tut's Universe

If you do only one thing today, go to http://www.tut.com/ and sign up for the daily "note from the universe". The notes are inspiration, profound and leave you feeling just a little bit more loved! Upon sign up you can take this oath that's is so positive. I am very tempted to retype the whole thing but I will only quote one sentence "thoughts become dreams, dreams come true and all things remain forever possible." Doesn't that just make your spine tingle & put a smile on your face? A reminder that anything you can dream can be yours. I love it & it totally fits in with the positive path I have been trying to walk down for the last year or so.

Question to Ponder...

What advice would you give your 5-years-younger self?

(check comments for my answer!)

Oh and for those of you who like "So You Think You Can Dance..." would any of you be interested in purchasing some US concert tickets when they go on tour? We could make a trip out of it!!

Smiles

I love, love, love that I posted my first blog in like 6 weeks last night and I had 2 comments on it already by lunch! You guys are great!!

Miscellaneous

It has been AGES since I've written a blog. I've had tons of ideas but haven't been disciplined enough to sit down and write. Here's a few tid bits to tie y'all over:

1) I was born Sept 23 which is considered on the "cusp" of the astrological signs Virgo & Libra. Thus I tend to display some characteristics of both signs, though since the moon was in Libra the date/time/year I was born I consider myself a Libra about 99%...here's a description of the signs from a not-so-recent email:

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - Dominant In relationships.
Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very
smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to
talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy.
Pessimistic.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal.
Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous.
Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily.
Procrastinators. Very gullible.

So which one do you think I fit into more?

2) On one of my many car rides recently I came to the conclusion that commericals on TV are so powerful they can dominate associations. What I mean by this is that, when a commerical uses a song for instance, to advertise their product, it is forever burned in our brains to associate that song with that commerical. Some examples:

More than a Feeling - Boston for Boston Pizza

Choo Choo Boogie (a.k.a. Chew Chew) for Trident

3) I'm not sure why but I came up with the following scenerio...sort of a "what would you do" hypothetical.

Situation: man & woman are trying to have a baby. Along the way the woman unfortunately gets raped. She finds out she is pregnant some time after. It's possible that the baby is fathered either by her spouse or her rapist. Would you,

a) decide to keep the baby?

b) if keeping the baby, do a paternity test to determine the biological father?

So like I said, very bizarre thought process and I can't remember what triggered it but I thought it posed an interesting blog topic!

4) Hmm, well that's about it for now. Just wanted to let you know that I am alive & well and hope to begin contributing to my blog on a regular basis (at least weekly) soon...

P.S. I am still in love with "Dexter"...I am currently watching season two on tv and awaiting the dvd release in august or september. Season three begins in september but i don't know if i have the right channel for it :-(

P.P.S. The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger's famous movie project is released this Friday. I can't wait!

P.P.P.S. Step Up 2 was released on DVD today & I bought it along with Step Up 1...loves it...and totally loves "So You Think You Can Dance 4"

I'm in Love...

I've recently discovered a new show, Dexter [insert sigh here].

My attraction started right away with the opening credits. The music is quirky, off beat, catchy but not in that typical pop culture way. The imagery is graphic: mosquito caught in the act and then snapped out of it's existence, title coming into focus with blood oozing down, man cuts himself shaving and the dark red contrasting drops hit the white sink near the drain, followed by hot sauce dripping on eggs-over-easy, effortlessly being sliced through with a sharp sleek blade, a standard kitchen knife slices juicily through a orange, it's a blood orange and that soon becomes apparent as the life and it's juice is violently squeezed out of it. The final shots show his strength as he first flosses then tightens his shoe laces with a strength you just know could snuff the life out of someone. They had me with mosquito! Check out the opener for yourself on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5WpxxJpL-g

Anyway "Dexter" came on after I had watched an episode of Cold Case. I was so intrigued I watched the entire episode all by myself in the darkness of my mother-in-law's living room. Of course there were many missing pieces of the series puzzle (aka back story) that I could not know but I still very much enjoyed the show & knew I wanted more. I've since rented the first season on DVD and have now enjoyed 7 episodes but am not yet at the one I caught on TV.

I must first warn you, before you decide to rent it for yourself, it is not for the faint of heart. Viewers discretion is advised as the show contains nudity, obscene language and violence. Or the trifecta as I call it. The base premise is that Dexter is your typical socio-path with no emotions or feelings. He moonlights as a serial killer who snuffs out the bad guys that got away while his day job is in forensic blood analysis. He is constantly on edge as he tries to fake his way to "human" but tends to identify more with the monsters he kills.

What draws me to such a show? I'm not positive. Possibly the same unidentified trait that got me reading true crime and vc andrews books in junior high. I am completely petrified of these monsters and the lives they destroy but at the same time fascinated with their stories. At one point I even considered a career as a Criminal Psychologist...however had a quick change of heart after watching the "Silence of the Lambs" in Grade 12.

I love "dexter" because it dares to be different. It dares to challenge us, the viewers, to like and cheer for a protaganist who might just be a bad guy as well. It gets additional brownie points for its well timed humour, potty mouthed sister character and for casting Julie Benz (one of my favorite actress finds that I love to watch). So I challenge you to watch it and let me know what your verdict is, have I become just another desensitized person in this warped world? Or is there a little evil in all of us that likes to be nurtured an hour a week?

If you want to watch the first episode for free here is parts 1 & 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhDxeCV-3u4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YFxURdviag&feature=related

The "intelligence" of Fox TV

Have you ever gotten into a TV show in it's first few episodes, been left with a cliff hanger only to find out that the network in it's infinite wisdom, cancelled the show? This happens quite frequently as very high ratings are required for shows to maintain their timeslots and the general public seems to favor the ever stimulating reality television over quality writing these days. Don't let my snobbery fool you: I am a mega fan of Big Brother, America's Next Top Model and Hell's Kitchen. However I came across a message board discussing how Fox seems to ditch great, unique series' and I thought I'd dedicate a blog to some of my favorites from Fox that once got the cut...(and after doing some internet research added other network shows also.

For more info on any of these series' check out the amazing www.imdb.com

FOX:
Strange Luck 1995/96 - featuring the very delicious D.B. Sweeney
Get Real 1999/2000
John Doe 2002/03 - starring the very yummy Dominic Purcell
Kitchen Confidentail 2005
Family Guy, yep although it returned & is currently on the air, fox axed it from their schedule TWICE
The Mole (reality show but way cool)

Other Networks:
Men Behaving Badly 1996
Inside Schwartz 2001/02
Popular 1999-2001
Breaker High 1997/98, ah Ryan Gosling
Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place 1998 - 2001, the adorable Ryan Reynolds
Family Plots 1994 (reality show again but way cool)
Life's Work 1996
Leap of Faith 2002
Committed 2005
the Naked Truth 1995-98, Tea Leoni
Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn - talk show, only a few episodes :-(

Best Game Show Ever: Supermarket Sweep!!

Recently Cancelled Potental Gems:
Miss Guided

Oh & apparently an Office spinoff is in the works. Woot!

Texas' Most Eligible Bachelor: Nate!

the Cutest Boy/Man in Texas:

When I went to Dallas for my BeautiControl Leadership conference I had the pleasure of meeting lots of fabulous people. One of which is Nate! While Diane & I were eating our breakfast at the airport & waiting for our flight, Nate was our server. He was completely adorable, funny, cute oh and gave great service as a waiter. I couldn't help myself, I had to ask if he was single & in the market for a girlfriend as I have a few single lady friends who would benefit from meeting him!

Well Nate proved himself to be a good sport & very friendly. He gave me his email that I can use to hook him up with some Canadian hotties. Though he did express some concern, asking us "Do y'all do this for a livin'?" The whole thing is a hilarious story from start to finish but writing it on here wouldn't do it justice so you have to ask for the in-person telling of it! In the meantime, check out these pics I could salvage of Nate from his myspace.com and drop me a line if you're interested in writing him. He has no age restrictions or "type" and his major priority is "no bad breath & good teeth". LOL But don't confuse this with desperation, he was just putting his trust in me that I'll find him a great lady!

Pictures

1. with some peeps

2. with his sister, & check out those pants, you know he has a sense of humor!

3. st. patty's day

Movie: August Rush

I knew, from the moment I saw the previews, that I would like this movie. Do you every have that feeling? That no matter what happened in the movie you were going to like it? I have had it a few times & this was one of them.

First off, I would just like to say that my opinion of Keri Russell, the lead actress, has really improved over the last two movies I've seen her in. I used to watch her in 'Felicity' back in my high school days and like her originally but as the series got lame my feelings transfered to her. So I avoided movies with her in them for a while. However, I watched 'Waitress' a few months back and she did an amazing job portraying a difficult character but keeping her likeable. It was a fresh movie concept compared to most of them out there. And left me feeling all warm & fuzzy. Well August Rush was the same so kudos to Keri for making great movie choices.

August Rush: the movie starts out in present day with an 11 year old orphan boy who hears music in everything around him. For some reason he knows that if he can capture that music and play it, his real parents will find him. I don't want to give much else away as it'll take away from the magic of the movie. I've heard the movie described as fairy tale like and I agree. Oh & yes I shed many tears during it.

Talent: the actors

Freddie Highmore - the boy. You might have seen him in Finding Neverland or Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. He's completely adorable & lovable in the latter & I have yet to see FN but I'm sure it's amazing too.

Keri Russell - his mom who comes from a classical background (cellist).

Jonathan Rhys Meyers - his dad who comes from a rock band & irish background.

Terrence Howard - a social worker who actually cares. I've seen this actor in 'the Brave One', 'Crash', and 'Awake' and I've liked his work in all of those.

Robin Williams - lets just say I liked him better when he played a happier character like Mrs. Doubtfire.

*Another movie with Keri Russell that I love is 'The Curve'. If you haven't seen it you MUST check this one out.

Public Breastfeeding Debate

I was driving home from Medicine Hat today and listening to one of my favorite programs on Sirius Cosmo Radio which is "Cocktails with Patrick". He wanted to discuss something that happened during his morning commute on the subway (New York City). He said he was on a very crowded train, when a very attractive woman started breastfeeding her baby.

Now his issue wasn't with her breastfeeding so much as he was questioning whether it was kosher to do this without bothering to use any discretion whatsoever. She didn't use a blanket, coat, shirt etc to cover her breast in anyway so her areola (the dark circle of the nipple) was visible to the entire crowded train including but not limited to the strange men sitting on either side of her. Patrick also said that he took in the reaction of the other people and every single person on the train seemed to have a look saying that what she was doing wasn't appropriate.

So how do you all weugh in? Let me share with you my view point and then some of the listeners that called in. In my opinion it is fine to breastfeed in public but it is common courtesy (and personal comfort) that a woman should make an effort to not expose her privates to the public (a.k.a. use a blanket to cover up the act). My reasoning being that we live in a very sexualized society where the breasts are a sexual organ. If it is censored on public television that you shouldn't be able to have a live showing of it right? I have spent 25 years of my life covering up my "bathing suit" area and not letting just anyone see it so I can't imagine converting to a public breastfeeder myself let alone doing it with visible nipples showing...my experience with my exhibionist breastfeeding sister-in-law has only strengthened this viewpoint! Why would I want to allow others to see my breasts without earning the privledge??? Ha ha

The majority of the listeners who called in supported this (saying that breastfeeding was fine but that she should have covered herself up somehow) with a rare few saying it wasn't a big deal and she should be allowed to do that and that people should just get over it. Here are some of the specific comments that I remember:

• 100% if the states say it is legal to breastfeed in public & it is not an indecent act.
• Yes breastfeeding is a natural act however we all do lots of natural acts that aren't appropriate for public viewing at different levels of extremity (a.k.a. passing gas to going to the bathroom to having sex to making out, etc).
• As a mother you should be prepared for circumstances such as these by carrying either a bottle for feeds or even just a blanket or bib to cover yourself.
• There is something called a "Hooter Hider" that is an apron like thing you can use to safely cover your baby for private breastfeeding (check it out at http://www.psychobabyonline.com/site/epage/28160_533.htm)
• The mom might not thing it's a perverted act however you can't control the minds of the perverts beside you!
• Some breastfeeding mom's said when your milk lets down you gotta breastfeed no matter what cuz it is so painful.
• Another listener pointed out that young men are taught from a very young age that breasts are a private thing for woman so having them on display would be very hard for them to understand public breastfeeding plus seem like a "naughty" and thus arousing thing when faced with it.

Patrick himself said that he felt both aroused and put off by this woman's apparent lack of concern for her boob hanging out on a crowded train. Where do you weigh in? Please post your comments!

How Life Changes...Part II

First I just want to give a shout out to my "loyal readers" who obviously keep checking for blogs even though I have been so neglectful... I love that you guys read this and are interested in what I have to say!

Okay, so where was I? Hmm, oh the good doctor wanted to offer me the position after he "worked out" the details, whatever that meant. Again, I was quite surprised as I really didn't have any faith that he was going to offer it to me. When I left, I got the impression that he didn't like me much. It was weird. In fact, when the phone first rang I saw that it was him and decided not to answer it yet but to call back a few hours later (as I assumed it was a 'thanks but no thanks' call). So I agreed to meet with him Tuesday morning, after I got back from Texas, so that he could show me in detail his exact expectations and what he was willing to offer me.

Our (my Director Diane & I) flight to Dallas was scheduled to leave Calgary at 7:00am, so with the latest international flying restrictions we were encouraged to arrive at the airport about 2 hours prior. Factoring in the drive to Calgary we should have left Red Deer at about 3:30am. I was carpooling with Diane there (her husband was kindly driving us there so we didn't have to park a vehicle) and she figured if we left her house by four that should be enough time. Me, ever so anal, was freaking out about not having enough time but just smiled and agreed. Since I am both a procrastinator & a night owl I stayed up all night getting packed and preparing for my trip. I got to Diane's about quarter to four hoping to get an earlier start then planned but she wasn't quite ready. I was disappointed to learn that we were going to be taking her Mustang to Calgary (P.S. She won that Mustang through BeautiControl!), not because I don't like Mustangs but because they are mainly a sports car and maybe not the best option to take all my humungous luggage on the newly snowed on highway. My assumptions were both correct: only my luggage squeezed into the trunk (diane's got moved to the backseat) and the roads got very crazy between Drumheller and Calgary. However I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had plenty of leg room in the backseat!

Long story short: although we got to the airport at about 5:30am we still arrive well in time to sit in the lounge for about 20 minutes before boarding. Not too rushed but not too long. Through the drive I only managed about a half hour's sleep and then I got about another hour on the plane one my seatmate felt sorry for me and refused to continue our conversation so I could nap...I really enjoyed my flight to Dallas as I scored an emergency row!

Dallas looks a lot like a combination of Lethbridge & Calgary...except with American flags all over! The weather was gorgeous (20s & sunny) if not a little humid. When we went to register for our rooms there were over 150 people waiting in line to do the same! Thinking on our feet we went to register for our conference first and scored with no lines! However when we went back to room registration the lines were just as long (though no longer). Diane had a Director's meeting she had to be at shortly so I offered to check into our room while she headed to her meeting. After waiting in line for over an hour and a half the attendant wouldn't let me check in as my name wasn't on the room, only Diane's (let this be a lesson to all of you!), even though I had cash to pay for the entire three nights for both of us (so nothing to be left on her credit card).

Um, well as you may have guessed if you picked up on the lack of sleep, I had a bit of a breakdown...with tears. I hate crying in public because I don't cry pretty - we're talking red blotchy face, snot, the works - and cuz I hate looking unprofessional especially in front of 150 of my new peers. I headed to a bathroom to have my breakdown in private and sought help when I thought I was prepared to talk without crying. Unfortunately I misjudged my ability and couldn't stop crying in front of guest services and then the manager. Fortunately it resulted in me not only getting checked into my room but also getting two double beds instead of the one king size we thought we'd be stuck with. Score!

That was the only negative of my trip and again it might not have been so bad if I had the appropriate amount of sleep to deal with it in a calm manner. From that point on my weekend was fabulous. I'm not sure how to quantify it with words but I'll try...

• 
  
  I met many other fabulous & fearless woman,


• 
  
  Everything was well organized, fun/exciting, geared for women, and inspiring,


• 
  
  Each woman who spoke on stage had a diva presence in a positive way. They knew they were fabulous, they love what they do for a living, they get pampered with all kinds of prizes and recognition, they are every day people and they each had a personal, emotionally driven story about why the material awards are only the icing on the cake.


• 
  
  I felt like I belonged to a company that truly wanted my success, for me to succeed to the best of my ability and wanted to give me the tools to get there,


• 
  
  I felt like BeautiControl was really excited to have me on board (along with the other 3000+ people in attendance),


• 
  
  I was really excited about our new product launches and was confident that the products we market are truly the best available. Our VP of Research & Development has sound great energy and spirit that you can't help but adore him!


• 
  
  I believe/believed that every man and woman could benefit from my products,


• 
  
  I felt that I could have any amount success I wanted: if I could dream it I could have it,


• 
  
  I felt like I didn't want to miss a second of anything - much different from other conferences I have been too!


• 
  
  I felt that I truly belonged in that place at that time and that it was my destiny to walk this path.

Why so sure of this last point? Let me tell you a quick story about one of my "signs". As I went to bed our first night in the hotel I decided to set my cell phone as a back up alarm as I wasn't all that used to getting up before noon lately. I scrolled through the default ringers and decided that I'd like to wake up to "the saints come marching in" ringtone. It had no particular meaning to me, it just sounded the least intrusive for the next morning but with enough zing to wake me up. So it worked and off we went to our Friday of fun. At the end of the Friday festivities, Tim (VP of Special Events and Promotions) announces that the Spring Recruiting trip will be to New Orleans. Okay, I say to myself, I wouldn't mind a free trip there. And at this point I was fully "sold" on pursuing BeautiControl as a full time career. But just in case I wasn't listening, a band emerged from behind Tim, playing trombones, trumpets, etc and what song are they belting out? Yep, The Saints Come Marching In. As I have started paying attention to the signs in my life recently I was like OMIGOSH! The universe was saying 'here's your wake up call Crystal!" Very cool.

I officially decided at that moment that I couldn't go back to Red Deer and take this boring ol' chiropractor job. I couldn't settle for another job when what I really want is a career. I don't need a boss determining what I am worth and my level of success. I don't need yet another authority figure telling me why I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about the business details as I couldn't possibly understand why things are done the way they are. I went to school for Business Marketing and what better way to apply that then to market my own personal business/services? I am happy to report that I had great encouragement from people around me: Tyler (my husband), my Mom, my Director Diane (she has been a great & genuine source of inspiration for me) and even my old co-worker/supervisor Cynthia.

Why not pursue my dreams right now? What better time to take a risk? I am young, intelligent, ambitious and don't have a lot of things holding me down. I have spent the last few years happy about what I do have in my life (great husband, adorable pets, quality friends, higher education, a lovely home) but have been jealous of my perception of other's freedom. Freedom to travel, to do something crazy like go back packing in the Amazon or uproot their lives and move to Fuiji. Freedom to take advantage of any opportunity that comes their way. I got a taste of this when I went to New York, one of my top three places to see. I thought, what the hell am I doing? I should just come live in NY for 6 months! Why not? I got a taste of how successful I could be with direct sales by doing Home & Gift Collection. The last tally had me at #3 in sales for New Consultants (all across Canada).

So here I am, taking the bull by the horns. Getting laid off from AFSC is a blessing. I am going to prove that, so that everyone who is unhappily in a job, there or elsewhere, can see that we don't have to be stuck in them. We can pursue our dreams AND make a living. I have about 2 years until my ten year class reunion and I am determined to not only be a Director of BeautiControl by then but to have earned my own Mustang*. That way I can arrive with my friends for life in style :-D My personal challenge to you is: join me. Success is so much more fun when you can share it with friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*By the way, you know those cosmetic companies that give away cars? Ask them if they really own them...by definition: could they sell them for cash? if they quit can they keep them? if they don't meet their targets do they get to keep them? The answers may surprise you! Let me tell you, without hesitation, with BeautiControl the car is yours to do with it what you may...and they don't stop at Mustangs, the next car is a Lexus and after that a Benz!

OH! One final comment: Tyler quit his local job on Friday and started working at a job in Edmonton as of Wednesday. I am sad that he won't be home every night but I am looking forward to him actually enjoying his job again. The great thing about pursing BeautiControl is that I now can have the flexiblity to drive to Edmonton to spend time with Tyler or even not working Fridays so I can have the whole day with him. Plus now he is making more money again and we get benefits again (hello dental & prescrition woot!), which is ever so important if we want to have babies. My business is something I can take with me where ever his work ends up being and I look forward to a day when I can be the major breadwinner and he can pursue a job that gets him excited to get up every morning.

How Life Changes...Part I

Well for those of you who don't know, I ended up getting laid off from my "traditional" day job working for the government, at Christmas. While getting laid off bruised my ego, I looked on the brightside of things which was that I didn't LOVE my job and I was just comfortable there. My analogy of it is, it's like when you have a boyfriend that you're just not that into, who you have considered breaking up with, but he dumps you first. It doesn't mean you want to date him again, it just bothers you that he ditched you first.

So, after many discussions with family & friends, I decided that I should take a much needed "break" from the workforce. I started my first official job at KFC when I was 15, I had been babysitting since I was 12 and hadn't had a break from school, work or both since! However very shortly after making this decision I decided to apply for a job with the City of Red Deer. The most attractive thing about this position was honestly the pay! I got myself an interview and was told I did a great job but they had an internal candidate with equal experience & education but she had the edge of being an internal candidate. Again I was okay with this decision as I would've just went straight from one blase job to the next.

I applied for several jobs that interest me and attempted to cross items off my "to do" list that I had been neglecting. Before I knew it the end of February was arriving, I didn't feel rested nor relaxed or even like I had accomplished anything. I had decided to embrace the business opportunity that BeautiControl had to offer and to do that 100% I wanted to attend their Leadership Conference in Dallas, Texas. About a week before I was scheduled to go I got a phone call from a chiropractor that had advertised a couple positions I had applied for about a month prior. He asked me to come in for an interview as the girl he had hired he "wasn't too sure was working out." At the interview there was only myself and one other girl. Chatting with her I discovered she was still in college. The interview was a group based one. First we were told about the position, then we were asked about 10 questions which we had to have written responses to, then we had a "test" that involved identifying transposed numbers, alphabetizing, and taking a personality test. We finished with a 30 second spiel in private on why we are the better candidate.

Most people know me well enough to know that at the mere mention of test & an indication that it was a "race" my competetive nature gets my adrenaline pumping and mixed with the iced caramel mochiatto i had, I got very very shaky. This served me well for the test (yep I got it done first & got a perfect score) but wasn't so great for the one-on-one part. I left thinking I had done my best but that I probably hadn't left the best impression. Needless to say I was quite surprised when the chiro doctor called me back to tell me I was his top choice and to schedule a time when I got back to meet and further discuss details...

More to come, stay tuned!

The Power of Editing

Okay so have you ever went to a movie or rented one thinking it was one type of movie and found out the trailers were completely misleading? Well there are some excellent editors out there that have made fun of this by creating & posting hilarious cuts of movies accompanied by movies to make them look like a completely different film. There are tons of ones on www.youtube.com but I've taken the liberaty of collecting some of my favorites that are of a higher caliber. Enjoy!

the shinning recut - a feel good movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmkVWuP_sO0&feature=related
mary poppins a.k.a. scary mary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic
the notebook - thriller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQXSbxWbHnk&feature=related
the incredibles - scary!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdW_GxefIU4&feature=related
silence of the lambs - love story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCxF6idjqnk&feature=related
the ring - feel good movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgxayErS5As&feature=related
dumb and dumber - psycho stalker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wykhY321nnw&feature=related
willie wonka - scary, which i always thought it was anyway ha ha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1lWF-_Lpic&feature=related
american pie - frightening
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2WSW2sYKx0&feature=related
wedding crashers - suspense thriller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRbw_J2Kzh4&feature=related
toy story - i had to stop watching half way through cuz i almost wet my pants in fear!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuNF7Z7sAt8&feature=related

Heath Ledger

I was in my car heading out on an errand and I turned on my Sirius to the Cosmo station ("Cocktails with Patrick" is often entertaining if not insightful). Patrick was talking about the 'passing of heath ledger' and I was like what? Is it April Fool's? Is this some sort of sick joke? Unfortunately when I kept listening & further listened to other stations (another entertainment channel as well as Headline News on TV) it was confirmed.

I think the news is so shocking because:

1. Mr. Ledger was not one of those typical celebrities of nowadays who takes part in binge drinker, hard drugs and a fast life.

2. Heath doesn't make the headlines much in celebrity magazines except when he was being photographed with his ex Michelle Williams during their dating & with their child Matilda.

3. He was a young person to leave so soon, only 28.

4. Heath has always struck me as a genuine talent in acting, rather than just a heart throb (though I do/did find him deeply attractive). Especially as he seemed to take great care in picking each role rather than just whichever one paid the best. He took a giant risk portraying the role in 'Brokeback Mountain' proving that he was anything but typecast.

5. He seems to be maintaining a consistant career with the recent Oscar win from Brokeback Mountain and the upcoming Batman flick.

6. The original details surrounding his death were indicating a potential suicide or drug overdose both of which seemed out of style with what was public about his life.

While I couldn't possibly begin to say that I am experiencing the pain in his passing that would accompany me knowing him personally, my heart aches knowing that his family & friends are suffering - especially his young, young daughter. I am also saddened by the fact that I believe we lost an important person from this world. He had begun doing great things with his celebrity and now we'll never know what his full potential could have been. With every great person that we lose, I fear the good are leaving and the bad remain. I think part of it is also that as each year passes the reality of our mortality sinks in more and more for me.

I do appreciate the information the media brings to me & that they do it in a timely manner. However I am irked by each and every time I hear the words "Heath Ledger is Dead." Is there not a nicer way to say this? Even a minor change to it into "Heath Ledger has died" seems softer and more caring. I was also frustrated to hear the public (& police) immediately jump to the conclusion that because he's a young actor it must have been suicide or a illegal drug overdose. I cannot claim to know Mr. Ledger personally but from what I feel I've seen of his character, he doesn't seem the type to take the so-called easy way out, especially since he now has a daughter. Plus in the descriptions I heard that he was a) naked, b) had a massage scheduled & c) had sleeping pills near him. With all my CSI and Law & Order watching + crime novel reading my first reaction was to say: people who are planning to commit suicide generally don't make plans for a relaxing massage the next day & don't get naked before doing the deed. How many want their last impact on this world to be naked? (P.S. I told my theories immediately to my friend Mel within hours of hearing the news).

If, as the latest information seems to be indicating, Heath's death was an accidental sleeping pill overdose, then this story is a sad and deeply tragic reminder to all people to respect all drugs, prescription and OTC (over the counter) as well as herbal remedies. It is also the second major loss that Australia has had in less than two years, the first being Steve Irwin who's presence on Earth I also really enjoyed.

One more thing that struck me, is that it's been said that Heath's latest character, the Joker from Batman, has been haunting him. Here's a few article exerts:

#1: It is a physically and mentally draining role — his Joker is a “psychopathic, mass-murdering, schizophrenic clown with zero empathy” he said cheerfully — and, as often happens when he throws himself into a part, he is not sleeping much. “Last week I probably slept an average of two hours a night,” he said. “I couldn’t stop thinking. My body was exhausted, and my mind was still going.”

#2: Even as filming continues on “The Dark Knight,” Heath Ledger is reflecting on the character he has finished portraying. “It’s the most fun I’ve had with a character and probably will ever have.”

The second one is creepily insightful as that may have been his last major role. The joker character may have been haunting him but now the whole idea is haunting me. The following is a quote from a posting on Heath's imdb profile...it conveys how I felt that day & how I still feel:

I can't get him out of my head, hearing his voice on screen and seeing
him smile and thinking "wow, he died today."

Selected Filmography (make it a heath ledger tribute weekend):

the Dark Knight, 2008*

Casanova, 2005*

Lords of Dogtown, 2005*

the Four Feathers, 2005

Monster's Ball, 2001*

A Knight's Tale, 2001

the Patriot, 2000

10 Things I Hate About You, 1999

*I've not yet watched.

LAST WORD:

Upon looking for some quotes for this blog I came across another piece of shocking information: the lesser known actor Brad Renfro (b. 1982) also died a few short days ago on January 15, 2008. Allegedly committing suicide. Brad is nearly 2 months older than I. Correction, was.

This led me to wonder if other famous or quazi-famous people had passed that I was unaware of. Here are the ones I don't remember hearing about:

Pavarotti - Sept 6, 2007

Ike Turner - Dec 12, 2007

Similarly I also didn't know that Nicole Ritchie had a baby boy (Max) and that Christina Aguelara (sp?) had a baby girl (Harlow).

Home Party Girl

So I think I am officially the home party girl. I just last night/today signed up to be a Partylite consultant. Here's my story of how I signed up for Partylite:

My friend Vanessa had an incredible party at her house with sales os over $1600 so she was able to get a free kit + $1400 in free product if she signed up. She is a very cautious person & didn't want to sign up with partylite as she feels there are too many consultants in her area (peace river) & she just signed up to do home & gift under me (woo hoo). Anyway I told her she was crazy not to take it as it was such an awesome deal. She was like "well do you want it" so I said "Sure! Why wouldn't I?" So the deal we made was that I got the free kit & we split free product & 1/2 price items & I would sign up as a consultant. So for very little committment or energy on my part I just got a free partylite kit, $700 in free stuff + three 1/2 priced items. Sweet deal eh? So if you every want a partylite party or want some products I will hook you up. However I think I will be my own best customer as I am a partylite freak!

Have you every heard the saying "Jack of all trades, master of none?" Well I'm beginning to worry that, that is where I am headed. So for all of you that are wondering, here is my master plan...

Partylite: Have people aware that I sell it so if they are interested in booking parties or purchasing product I can be their contact. Abuse my position to get wicked deals for myself and spend only about 5% of my time on this business line.

BeautiControl: Continue introducing people to the product as I love it & believe in it. The sign up is a minimal committment for others and a huge bargin so I will definitely be sharing that with everyone and also if they just want to purchase products, allowing that. Spend about 15 - 20% of my time pursing parties and leads as the rewards & perks with this company are A-MAZ-ING (more to come on what I've gotten so far!).

Home & Gift: Ultimately this will be my main focus. For me it is the easiest to book parties for and it is more in my comfort zone. Plus I have been successful with it so far so I believe that forecasts future success as well. I'll be allocating about 75% of my time to this.

Offspring Responsiblities

Okay so my brother-in-law Tyrone is staying at our house this weekend along with his 1 1/2 year old Kira. My mother-in-law Mary & her boyfriend Robert are here also. For those of you familiar with our house Tyrone is staying in our purple room, named appropriately so because of it's liliac purple walls. This room happens to be my baby cuz it is very feminine, has beautiful 'woman' colors and is decorated with the likes of Marilyn Monroe, Betty Boop and butterflies.

Well today Tyrone is off in a crib tournament with my husband and my mother-law-in was charged with babysitting (presumably I am incapable of babysitting but it is fine cuz I was able to sleep into the afternoon this way LOL). When I finally got up Kira was napping so she wasn't around. After tidying up the main floor I decided to go upstairs & work in my office as Mary & Robert were in the middle of a movie, Bourne Ultimatium, and I didn't want to see what happened as I haven't seen the first two! So while working there I heard Kira get up. I figured Mary would hear it too so I didn't respond right away. However the TV was cranked pretty loud so she must not have heard Kira banging around. Finally I got up to check on here & as I forced open the door the stench that hit me was overpowering. The smell of nasty, dirty diapers. I looked down & found Kira diaperless but all smiles. I took Kira to Mary who took care of her but I think the smell is coming from a pile of diapers in that room. So...

1. Why wouldn't Tyrone take the diapers & put them in our outside trash can?

2. Especially cuz he has been sleeping in that room all weekend.

3. I am freaked out cuz that room is carpeted & if it still stinks when they leave I will be very frustrated & upset.

4. What if there are poop or pee stains on my carpet? :-(

I am pouting. I am also flabbergasted. As a guest in someone's home, would you not make every effort to leave the house as you found it? Clean & in good order? I mean not only does the room smell but it also looks like a bomb hit it cuz there are clothes & stuff flung everywhere!

The "bomb" look extends to the rest of my house as well. Common also when Kim & Tyrone were together, they let there stuff lie where it falls, toys strewn everywhere, dirty dishes all over the house etc. And they wonder why they aways forget things. Comments?

Haircuts!

My boys (the male dogs I treat like babies) got haircuts recently. I wanted to document this on my blog because I think their cuts are quite dramatic. In fact I feel like I have different dogs until their fur growns back, I love them the most in their crazy furry stage. But for them it is easiest when they are trimmed short.

BEFORE:

Dominic! (He has grinch hair)

Charlie, looks like an Ewok

AFTER:

And no their eyes are those colors, they are a basic black/brown but they photgraph green & blue for some reason. But aren't they scrawny? Maybe I should fill their food bowl LOL