Things had been going relatively good for my brother with his kid Chase and the baby mama Crystal. Nothing surprising happened in court in June and my parents and sister had a good visit with him for most of the weekend after. Apparently though, last weekend when my brother went to pick up Chase, Crystal started reaming into him about being a deadbeat dad for some reason. My brother can be very sensitive and has a bad temper & unfortunately Crystal knows this and knows how to push his buttons. I guess there were other people around and Cody got very upset, started crying and wanted to hit her. So now he hasn’t seen Chase since then and is re-debating his involvement. It’s hard because although Cody is 21, he is still quite young emotionally. My parents were pretty hard on him discipline wise growing up and he didn’t finish school which hasn’t helped him develop the proper social skills like others might have. My mom’s pretty upset because they started developing a bond with Chase when they visited him for the weekend and she doesn’t want to miss out on continuing that relationship. However we don’t want to push Cody either has it has to be his decision and I know how hard a time I had when I tried to deal with her – I’ve had a lot more experience controlling my emotions and I wanted to hurt her! I wish there was a way to enforce a positive relationship between Crystal and Cody. I told Cody that we should look into trying to press charges for verbal abuse or something. For my brother, I think that it could be to his advantage to get some counseling to help him learn how to deal with her. I know it helped me when I used it regarding my in-laws. Its like a muscle though and if you don’t use it consistently you forget and get dragged into the crap again.
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Maybe Cody should petition the court for a strict visitation schedule that both parties have to stick to. I used to work with a lady who couldn't get along with her ex. Their visitation was outlined very specifically in their court order. She had to have the kids ready to go at a specific time. He would pick up the kids and go. He then had to return them at a specific time. She said they hardly ever talked, which was a bit awkward, but much better for the kids then their constant fighting. She said it actually works really well.
ReplyDeleteIt must be really really frustrating for Cody. Because anything I have heard, is that HE IS NOT a deadbeat dad...Seems like this "lady" (if you would want to call her that...) is still pretty immature herself...Her behaviour reminds me of guys who are nice and sweet when no ones around...However when people are around, Dr. Jekyl comes out to play, and more often then not, is not very nice.
ReplyDeleteI think your absolutely right, maybe looking into some help in dealing with her is a great idea! I have thought about it myself, and learning to deal with my inlaws as well...Just learning how to stop the bullshit, but in a loving and emotionally controlled way. Its hard, but I've found a couple books. Not specifically for Baby Momma's issues, but for In-laws. And most of the exercises that are in this book, you can apply to everyday life and situations. And I know Cody, and reading a book probably isn't his cup of tea, but I am sure getting some help would be good. :)
I hear you on the in-laws stuff. When I saw a therapist she really helped me with setting emotional boundries for myself so that their crap didn't bug me as much. It's difficult to change how other people act but with setting limits and then changing my perspective on it, it did wonders! However, when my therapist went on mat leave & I lost my benefits with my job...I went right back to my negative behavior :-(
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