In My Head...

I hate when something gets in my head and won't leave. Most of you have probably experienced this with a song or melody. But have you ever experienced it with a show or movie? The other morning I watched "the Other Boleyn Girl" and I can't stop thinking about it, or rather 'feeling' about it. I felt certain things when I was watching the movie and I can't get that feeling to go away.

My brief synopsis of the movie for those who haven't seen it (skip if you prefer not to know how the movie goes):

The 'true' story takes place around the 1500s and beings with the Boleyn family; a aristocratic type family who has a title but not a whole lot of money. There are two Boleyn sisters, Anne (played by Natalie Portman) and Mary (played by Scarlett Johannson) and the best way to establish yourself or get ahead in this time period is to marry up, using your daughters. The family sees a unique opportunity to become involved with King Henry the XIII (8th) as his wife hadn't given him a male heir.

The original plan was to get the King's attention through Anne, the unmarried and allegedly more devious of the two sisters. However the strong willed Anne upsets the king through a series of events and he ends up falling for the married Mary - a fact that doesn't seem to affect the King. The King invites/orders the family to "court" (I'm assuming this translates to mean his castle) where he proceeds to seduce Mary and impregnate her.

Then, Anne ends up seducing the King herself, convincing him to get an annulment from his current/first wife, seperate from the Roman church to start his own and to marry her. Part of the seduction is that she will give him a legitimate male heir (her sister managed to produce a male but his is a 'bastard' of course). While Anne was successful at getting the King to do this things, it causes him much stress so he ends up resenting her immensly. Anne first gives birth to a female (Queen Elizabeth the First it turns out) but manages only a stillborn/miscarried male before the King accuses her of crimes and has her beheaded....

So, although I believe you are suppose to like Mary's character in the movie, I wasn't much of a fan as I don't really like Scarlett Johansson. I consider her a good actress but for some reason I don't like her (I think I'm jealous of her blondeness and apparent sex appeal). Instead I really resonated with Natalie Portman's character Anne. So her character goes through quite a journey of feelings - the King choosing her sister over her, being exiled by her family to France, being beckoned back to keep the King interested in her sister despite being bed ridden, then wooing the King and bending him to her will so that she can become Queen but having to squash her personal feelings through this. Then what she be celebrated success is not joyful as the King ends up resenting her, having forceful sex, many affairs...then stress over trying to produce a male child with the fear of being burned at the stake or beheaded being the penalty of no heir.

Anne's desperation to produce a male heir reminded me of how I am feeling lately. Certainly not to the same extent! - but definitely some of the same feelings. Tyler & I decided to stop using any sort of birth control and allow a baby (or babies/twins if I have my way) to come about as nature allowed. However this was about a year ago and I am struggling between letting things happen naturally and getting totally crazy about it...I think a previous blog touched on this a bit but I don't think I've given it the blog it deserves. So I'm going to continue it in it's own entry...

What's Playing in My Ipod Right Now...

The music that's making me move right now. A fast way to preview the tunes is to type the artist than song into www.youtube.com Works more often than not :-D


Lollipop - Framing Hanley
Video is hot, hot, hot...
http://www.musicloversgroup.com/framing-hanley-lollipop-video-and-lyrics/

the rest in no particular order...
Poker Face - Lady GaGa
I Don't Care - FallOut Boy
Krazy - Pitbull & Lil Jon
Let's Go - Madison
Sex on Fire - Kings of Leon
I Love the Whole World - Clip from Discovery Channel
Disturbia - Rhianna
You're Gonna Go Far Kid - Offspring
Fun for Me - Portishead & Moloko
Fly on the Wall - Miley Cyrus
Let it Rock - Kevin Rudolf
Addicted - Saving Abel
Something in Your Mouth - Nickelback
Blue Christmas - Elvis Presley
Green Sleeves - Vanessa Carlton
Machine Gun - Portishead
So What - Pink
Shy - Ani DiFranco
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy
Black Tongue - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Paper Planes - MIA
Shake It - Metro Station

Halo - Pinup Saints
Short Download available @ http://www.pinupsaints.blogspot.com/

Front & Back

Hello My Loyal Readers,

So years ago Tyler and I stumbled upon an agruement about a coin. I said on particular side is the front & he was outraged to think that I thought that as he felt the other side was the front. Turns out there isn't really a "right" answer when it comes to the public's point of view. We got married anyway, despite our differing opinions, LOL but he started thinking about it again so I thought I'd blog it & get a poll from y'all. So look at the picture above and tell me, it terms of heads and tails, which is the front for you & what's the back?

I'll post as a comment which one I think is which...please do the same :-D

Caio for now,
Crystal

My note from the Universe...

Of course not everyone understands you, Crystal.
It takes crazy to know crazy.
It takes sexy to know sexy.
And most assuredly, it takes cool to know cool.
The Universe

A New President, A New USA?

I'm not sure why I was more interested in the US election than my own here in Canada. Perhaps because the US takes a full two years leading up to their election "advertising" it. Perhaps because the opportunity was there to create history - first through a so-called 'black' president vs a female president with Obama & Hilary fighting for the Democratic vote and then through either a 'black' president or a 'female' vice-president. Perhaps because I watch a lot more US television than Canadian LOL I'd like to think it's because with the American decision comes an opportunity for change, an option we didn't have when voting here in Canada!

Many people weren't afraid to weigh in with their opinion that the Americans weren't "ready for a Black President". Did race come into play? We'll never know for sure but in some voter's eyes I'm sure it came down to choosing between the devil they knew (McCain - a white old guy like every other president) and the devil they don't. With McCain they knew what they were going to get, the same ol' same ol' whereas with Obama, at least there is a chance for something fresh & new. I myself am very excited to see what Obama is going to do. I haven't really been following their platforms and what they stand for but I did listen to both McCain's concession speech and Obama's victory speech. Both seemed very well writtened and refreshingly intelligent compared to the drizzle I'm used to hearing from BUSH!

However, with Obama's speech, I really felt like I was witnessing the begining of a new world. Deep inside me something registered with my soul, that I was listening to a true world leader and not just a political candidate. I feel our world is changing for the better and that the US voting in Obama is yet another step towards this more harmonized and positive society. I am not giving Obama all the credit for this change, I simply think that by the voters turning out as they did and choosing Obama, they are demonstrating that they are ready to be a new America. It's already being reported that voter turnout is the highest it's been since women were given the right to vote in 1920. Hindsight will always be 20/20 but I hope that I am still rooting for Obama in the 2012 election!

P.S. I couldn't help but notice that Obama & his family were wearing black & red despite being the "blue" party!

If you missed it & want to read Obama's speech in it's entirety, check out:

(text version) http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/politics/6095699.html

or i'm sure youtube and many other sites will have the video ;-D

However, I'd like to highlight a few sections myself for your quick read...

"It's the answer told by lines that stretched around schools and churches in numbers this nation has never seen, by people who waited three hours and four hours, many for the first time in their lives, because they believed that this time must be different, that their voices could be that difference.

It's the answer spoken by young and old, rich and poor, Democrat and Republican, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, gay, straight, disabled and not disabled. Americans who sent a message to the world that we have never been just a collection of individuals or a collection of red states and blue states. We are, and always will be, the United States of America."

"Sasha and Malia [his young daughters] ... I love you both more than you can imagine. And you have earned the new puppy that's coming with us ...to the new White House."

"This is your victory. And I know you didn't do this just to win an election. And I know you didn't do it for me. You did it because you understand the enormity of the task that lies ahead. "

"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you, we as a people will get there."

"This victory alone is not the change we seek. It is only the chance for us to make that change. And that cannot happen if we go back to the way things were."

"In this country, we rise or fall as one nation, as one people. Let's resist the temptation to fall back on the same partisanship and pettiness and immaturity that has poisoned our politics for so long."

"And to those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help. And I will be your president, too."

"America, we have come so far. We have seen so much. But there is so much more to do. So tonight, let us ask ourselves — if our children should live to see the next century; if my daughters should be so lucky to live as long as Ann Nixon Cooper, what change will they see? What progress will we have made?

This is our chance to answer that call. This is our moment.

This is our time, to put our people back to work and open doors of opportunity for our kids; to restore prosperity and promote the cause of peace; to reclaim the American dream and reaffirm that fundamental truth, that, out of many, we are one; that while we breathe, we hope. And where we are met with cynicism and doubts and those who tell us that we can't, we will respond with that timeless creed that sums up the spirit of a people: Yes, we can."

Even re-reading it gave me a smile & butterflies around my neck!

My Brother's Baby Mama

Thought y'all might be interested in the endless drama. I've posted our email communications below & would love some feedback. It can get confusing as we are both "Crystal". Just remember that I am Johnson-Nelson & she is Major (as in Major pain in the butt). You're lucky enough to get dates & times too!

Crystal Johnson-Nelson
September 30 at 12:28am
Hey Crystal,I am thinking about making a trip to the Hat as I haven't seen Chaise in forever & I get major guilt pains whenever someone asks me how my nephew is...it's been ages and he is growing up way too fast! Is there a time that works better for you in the upcoming few weeks? And I was thinking it might be fun to take him to like a park or something so would that be possible? Chat with you soon,Crystal - the Absent Auntie


Crystal Major
September 30 at 6:47am
no pretty much anyytime works, next week Blake is with his dad for the week. If yoiu would like yes we can take him to the park. Listen Crystal I've been wanting to talk to your family about the whole situation and well I want all of you guys involved in Chaise's life including his dad but until his dad has cleaned up and proven that he wants to be in Chaises life, I just can't let Cody take Chaise alone. I know at this point most or all if your family hates me but I wanted you all to know my side of the story. I know down here Cody has been telling people I won't let him see Chaise and that he phones all the time to see him and I tell him no. For the record on my side, I have told Cody he can come and spend time with Chaise at my house and I could make myself invisible and sit in my room but I just do not feel safe with letting Chaise go with an addict. That and it has been so long since Chaise has seen his dad there is no way he would know who Cody is. I mean as it stands right now most days I can't leave the room without him crying. I just needed to get some of this off my chest and please tell your mom that I would love for his grandparents to be in his life.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
October 1 at 5:39am
Okay well I'll keep you posted as early as possible once I nail down some dates.From what I've been told & seen I don't think Cody has tried to do a visit since the child support was figured out? I'm not happy about that but it's his decision that he has to make on his own & live with any consequences from it. I'm hoping he'll sort out his stuff sooner than later and realize what he's missing out on. Don't worry about us "hating" you. We know there are two sides to every story but we also have to be supportive of Cody as long as it doesn't cause Chaise to suffer directly.I understand where you are coming from on the consistency matter and for now I'll leave that issue between the two of you. No matter Cody's involvement, I want to see Chaise as often as possible and keep up to date on his developments. It's a bit difficult as you live 4 hours away but I will keep trying to stay in touch and try to visit (even by myself) as often as I can!FYI - I know my Mom is still interested in being involved but her & my dad are what you could deem "workaholics" and don't travel all that much. I could probably count on one hand how often my mom has been to Medicine Hat since my Aunt & her family moved there so I really wouldn't take that personally if I were you.There definitely seems to be a lot of "he said, she said" happening which I think is the cause of most of the friction between you two. Not uncommon to have that happening in a small town like atmosphere! So...my "big sisterly advice" is to take what everyone says with a grain of salt. And I sometimes think you & Cody need to get some better friends! Ones that will be supportive and helpful and loyal to you guys no matter what, rather than cause drama, hurt feelings and stab you in the back. I've come to find that negatively only causes more negatively and that I need to surround myself with positive people that have my best interests at heart. A true friendship is an exchange of benefits and shouldn't be a one-sided deal :-D So if you find you are evaluating your friendships, make sure you ask, what benefit do I receive for having this person in my life?Ciao for now,Crystal


Crystal Major
October 1 at 8:47am
I have not at any point evaluated my friendships. I know when and why my friends have back stabbed me and in the end I have always known about everything that has been said against me. The friends I have now do have the best interest of Chaise at heart and if it wasn't for them Chaise would not have half the things he has now. But thank you for the advice. I just wish that even if you guys can not make it down here and i do understand the distance between us but I don't see why I have not even gotten a phone call to at least see how he is doing. A phone call or a message on here does not take that much time and I have not even gotten that from anyone. The other thing that bothers me is yes there is two sides to a story but no one has bothered to find out my side of the story.At this point Cody's decisions are not directly affecting Chaise but once he gets old enough to realize that his brother gets to see his dad he is going to start asking questions. And how am I supposed to explain it to him? I am not putting the blame just on Cody but I do feel that he has not shown any real interest in his child at all. I understand how hard it must be for him to have to be around me but he also needs to understand where I am coming from and I have tried to explain this to him but he just got mad and told me that I could explain to Chaise why hes not around when Chaise gets older. This really bothers me because I feel he is leaving all the blame on me and not taking responsibility for his actions whatsoever. Well let me know what dates you will be down and we can arrange something.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
October 2 at 7:08pm
I'm glad you have some good friends now. It's cruical in everyone's life!hmm, well i feel like i have written you messages from time to time to see how he's doing, granted not often enough. though i really have tried to keep the communication open between us. i can't really speak for everyone but i think you would admit that things are pretty messy between you and cody emotionally so it's difficult for us to know if we should call & all that stuff. or even feel comfortable doing it. and realistically, has your family called cody to hear his side? I'm guessing not as that usually doesn't happen. its an ackward situation all around.i don't think my family is disillusioned by Cody, we're pretty awake to his faults and weaknesses. nor do we really try to defend his decisions that much but even though we don't agree with them we can't force him either. i really want cody to be in chaise's life as i didn't have my biological contributer in mine and it really affected how i grew up and the type of person i am today. i've even tried to explain that to him. i know that it is completely not up to you to cater to cody but please know that he is young for his age and actually younger than you already and obviously you are more experience with children than he is so i think it's more natural for you. males have a harder time building that bond than females. i think he's got it in his mind that if he can't be a perfect father than he shouldn't be involved at all...plus i think he really wasn't comfortable going over to your house to see chaise. not just because of you but because of your roommates as well...i think there's some history there? if it were possible for you to put in more than your fair share of effort i think he would be more involved. i know its unfair to ask... but i only hope that you can try to put your emotions and the past aside and keep trying with cody. i know its not up to you but for the long term benefit i hope you can help us. he responds best to positive reinforcement rather than us trying to push him or threatening him or all that jazz. believe me, i know it bothers him that he hasn't seen chaise in a while..he just has a hard time showing it.and i think with the right guidance he could be a really great dad and a really great support system for you too.i know my aunt darlene loves chaise a lot and would probably want to see him every day if that were possible...just know that we are only human with flaws of our own and we are looking to you to know what the next steps we should take are. i'm also sure that if you ever need a sitter or anything like that, that darlene would be more than willing to help out.


Crystal Major
October 2 at 11:21pm
all I can tell you is that I do not know what to tell the next step is. so why don't you tell me what you want the next step to be? the only thing i know for sure is that as this point i am not going to push cody or even bother to try with cody because i feel i have tired everything i possibly can and i have gotten no where and i do not feel it is my responsibility to make sure that cody sees his son. if he were to decide to be in chaises life i would support that fully but at this point until he can prove that is what he wants i am happy with the way things are going in my life. i do want your family involved in chaises life but i can not justify telling you guys what the next step should be, i feel that is fully up to you.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
Today at 3:44am
really, this whole conversation started because i want to come spend time with chaise...i personally feel like i try really hard to see everything from your point of view and be fair and as unbiased as possible. even through the mediation process i just wanted to help everyone see all sides. do you feel as though i haven't or have i offended you? please let me know as this is not my intention. and if you think i have the wrong idea about something or don't know the whole picture (re: you & cody) please fill me in.one of my biggest weaknesses is trying to be a mediator or a "fixer" and maybe that's not suppose to be my role in this situation. my whole family is new at this (we don't have any young babies in our world) so we all feel like we are walking on eggshells and don't want to screw anything up. it's extra awkard as we didn't have much of a chance to get to know you before chaise came due to distance and now you & cody aren't together.i guess my question is: what is your comfort level with us? you said you were disappointed that we don't call but i'm not sure how often is appropriate to call & who should be calling? me, my mom, my dad, my aunt, my grandma...it's going to be difficult for us all to build a relationship with one another so if there are some boundries or expectations i'd like to know up front.i'm asking you what you want from us as we are obviously not meeting what you want with our current actions. this probably comes off as offensive but i don't know how else to ask it?


Crystal Major
Today at 7:54am
my comfort level with you guys is fine and really it doesnt matter who phones i mean from what im hearing all of you want to be in Chaises life but no one seems to be making an effort. the only way that you guys are screwing up at this time is by not phoning and not finding out how things are going. i really wouldnt care if someone or all of you from the family phoned everyday. all i want is for Chaise to know the other side of the family. and no you dont know the whole picture but at this time i feel this is mine and codys problem and he is the one that needs to step up the most and realize what hes missing out on. and the rest of you need to know that the only thing that i care about is my sons being happy. the only ohter boundry i have is that i do not under any circumstanceswant you guys to phone me and ask to take him anywhere without having me near by. i dont want to sound rude and ignorant about it but i know that cody will end up around at some point and i would much rather be able to ease chaise into meeting his dad with me there rather then with people he doesnt really know at all. i have no problems with cody coming with you guys to see him but chaise will not be leaving my house until i feel fully comfortable with it.


Crystal Johnson-Nelson
Today at 6:01pm
You know, honestly Crystal, I feel like me & my family are getting the crap end of the stick here. I feel like we have gone out of our way to make you happy & to feel comfortable & to make sure everything is taken care of and we are only getting negative feedback. i'm trying to be logical & unbiased but that doesn't seem to be getting anywhere so:in some ways i understand that you don't feel comfortable with us taking chaise for a couple hours but on the other hand, we are so not criminals so why are we getting treated like that? i don't think we have done anything to indicate that we are untrustworthy or incapable of taking care of a baby...or that we would let any harm come to Chaise. and when i initially wrote i was just asking for myself to visit which lead into this whole chain of emails....also, it's not like cody hasn't met chaise as he has and i don't see how it would be any different for chaise to be with us than with a babysitter or any of your friends. there's always a first time when you meet someone...I think it's a bit difficult for Cody to step up when he is getting threatening phone calls from Corey telling him if he goes near Chaise that he'll get the crap kicked out of him. And no I am not making this up, the moron had the gall to leave voice mail messages on my aunt & uncle's phone. so if corey isn't speaking on your behalf you'd better inform him of that so he backs off.cody isn't any different than he was when you were dating him so i don't know why you are suddenly worried about him being an "addict" or being the father of your child. of course cody isn't an angel but if you're honest you'll admit that neither were or are you. medicine hat is a small place and for every story you hear about cody we've heard one about you. we don't expect you to be perfect so it'd be nice if we were extended the same courtesy. i'm not a big fan of drama, i prefer things figured out and dealt with. i just want to be able to get to know my nephew and for my brother to be able to spend time with his son without worrying about a fight happening (verbal or physical). it really doesn't need to be that complicated. in the last four months i don't think we've seen any emails, pictures or notes from you regarding chaise so it's not as if you have opened the door for us into your lives. i'm really at a loss right now as i think we have taken responsiblity for our shortcomings and that doesn't seem to be enough...

Crystal Major
Today at 7:14pm
i have opened the dorr you may call, email whatever do what you wish i will not withhold contact with him.however at this point in time the only person i trust alone with Chaise is my mother. I'm not offering you anything different then i offer anyone else.

Help!

Okay, so I've been trying really hard to be more positive in life. The Secret, Law of Attraction and all that jazz have been really good to me so far so I want to continue on that path. It would be really easy for me to wallow in my self-pity party about the whole Tyrone-Kim-pregnant thing but I'm tired of ol' Crystal and want to be new & improved Crystal. But I need some help...

I am going to need to be happy for T & K when they officially tell me the news so please help me with some legitimate reasons on why it is a GOOD thing they are pregnant....

Heartbroken

Tonight I found out something expected but also unexpected. Kim, Tyler's brother's "sort of/sort of not girlfriend but they still live together & already have a kid together", is 4 months pregnant.

Apparently if I had gone to Tyler's mom's this weekend as we had planned then I would have found out on Saturday, but we decided to stay home and have some couple time so Tyler found out last night I believe - and then a series of kim's status' on facebook had me wondering. I didn't really think it was true until I point blank asked Tyler & he admitted it. So officially I still don't know as tyrone & kim want to share this "special news" with me directly...P.S. Don't forget that all of you & I don't know about this yet. However she isn't doing that great of job of hiding it (see the evidence of her two status' & one wall message below).

Status, Sep 30 @ 3:02pm - Kim is, yes, again, yes, same guy.
Wall Post by a friend of her's, Oct 1 @ 8:11am (i missed seeing this by 3 hours) - "How far along and when are you due? "
Status, Oct 1 @ 10:18pm - Kim is thinking everyone should know by now...

There are so many micro reasons why this upsets me. Tyler and I have been off any form of birth control since the beginning of November 2007 which is almost a whole year ago and I still am not pregnant. Granted he is only home on the weekends but you would still figure it would have happened by now? I guess I did technically get pregnant last December but I miscarried really early on and feel completely ripped off about that. All around me people have been having babies and getting pregnant and for the most part I have been really happy for them. Tyler & I are still not 100% ready for kids but we fell as though we are as ready as we can be and are waiting for nature to take it's course. The major thought that allowed me to be not upset about everyone else's fertility was that if just Kim doesn't get pregnant before I do, I'd be happy.

Some of the obvious reasons why I felt like this was 1) Kim & Tyrone barely like each other, let alone love each other or are even dating or married or anything like that. They just both want another kid and figure getting one through each other is a good idea as they already share a child. That's messed & don't feel like that's a good reason to have a child. 2) Tyrone isn't working or attempting to earn an income in any way that I respect as he just plays poker and tries to make money that way. That might be fine for some people but when you have no income, are 30, have a child to support and frankly - just aren't that good, than I don't respect that. 3) Both Kim & Tyrone can be stupid, annoying and selfish. And I find them both very immature for their age. I don't feel like they deserve Kira let alone another one!

But basically, one of the not so obvious reasons I just figured out, was that I didn't think this was much of a challenge. I thought it was a safe bet to say, at least if me & my husband can get pregnant before these non-contributing society members who hate each other do than i'm good, you know? And even they beat us to it. And not only that, but are freakin' 4 months along! That's almost half way, so there's like no way for me to catch up.

So that was about five hours ago and everyone is in bed and I can't complain to anyone so i am just stuck with these stupid thoughts in my head...thank God for my blog!

P.S. Don't forget that all of you & I don't know about this yet. However she isn't doing that great of job of hiding it (see the evidence of her two status' & one wall message below).

Status, Sep 30 @ 3:02pm - Kim is, yes, again, yes, same guy.

Wall Post by a friend of her's, Oct 1 @ 8:11am (i missed seeing this by 3 hours) - "How far along and when are you due? "

Status, Oct 1 @ 10:18pm - Kim is thinking everyone should know by now...

Messages from the Universe, An Update

So I signed up on a website to receive daily (weekdays) messages from the universe. They are so awesome & I love them. To give you an idea of how accurate they are for my life, here are my most recent messages on the appropriate dates:

19th - There are really only two conditions of the human mind: Very, very happy. Or about to become very, very happy. Which are you today, Crystal?

22nd - When in a hurry, Crystal, step #1 for changing the entire world, is falling in love with it as it already is. Same for changing yourself.

23rd - By design, Crystal, whenever you have a new dream, or re-commit to an old one, at that precise moment everything in your life is perfectly suited to bring it about even faster than if you had thought of it earlier. You are always where you most "need" to be. (P.S. This was on my birthday, great one for that day as I deal with my age crisis!)

24th - Crystal, it's as if the stars have aligned, the word has been spoken, and you've won the cosmic lottery. This is it! There's never, ever, been a better time for you to touch, teach, and heal millions of people.

25th - Like waves eternally lapping at the shore, Crystal, the Universe is eternally knocking at your door, with abundance and riches beyond imagine.

26th - Crystal, right now, all around you, outside your door, down the street, and in every corner of your world, there's evidence of a conspiracy. All the elements are secretly marching to the beat of your drummer, while casually pretending to be detached and indifferent.

29th - The cards of life are stacked in your favor, Crystal. Overall, you're far more likely to succeed than fail, and to thrive than dive. Don't let the inevitable setbacks get you down. After all, having a Monthly Income is not asking for much!

30th - Don't forget, Crystal, to put a picture of yourself in your scrapbook or on your visionboard! I'd hate to deliver your new Monthly Income to the wrong person.

And for those of you who expressed worry, I am better this 'morning'. I think hormones may have had a bit of involvement last night. Plus I've always been more suseptible to feelings in the night time hours...

In a Funk...

As the title may have tipped you off, I am in a funk. I'm so "funked" that I'm not even sure what my funk is. Sometimes I get in a mood where I feel like I just need a giant, big cry. Not for any particular reason but for all of them.

Getting really personal...

Another item that's in the back of my mind if my brother's life. He's twenty, but honestly a pretty young twenty. We're very different people in most ways: my academicness vs his athleticness, my leadership vs his following, my straight-laced vs his rebelness. I complained a lot about my upbringing but he suffered in an entirely different way than me. My parents were quite strict with me about my life and bedtimes and homework but I was a pretty quick learner and didn't rock the boat much. He was a brat from the moment I first remember him: peeing in plants as a toddler, chasing my friends and I around with golf clubs and knives, and I was stuck baby-sitting him all the time as I was six years older. He seemed to break the rules all the time and get into trouble at school. My mother did the classic "wait until your father gets home" (which I swear I never want to do) and my brother would get spanked when my dad got home. When I think back to those moments I feel completely sick. It really caused me to fear and almost hate my dad which was completely unfair for him. It wasn't until I was gone from home a few years until I was able to start really building a relationship with him. Now there are reasons when I would argue that spanking is good and there are many reasons why it isn't. I think it's important to re-evaluate each situation and each child to figure out how you can help them learn the lessons they need to learn. I guarantee you that my brother didn't learn a single thing from those spankings nor the groundings that they attempted to give. The only purposed\ they served was to drive him away and into the arms of the drug world.

When I left home for college he was a mere 12 years old. He went through the hard teenage years without the benefit of an older sister. As the kind of guy who likes to please and go with the crowd, he fell into the drug scene and moved out of my parents before he was even 16... and across the back alley into a house with a known drug dealer who was almost 30 and another guy who was my age. Eventually he moved to my Aunt & Uncle's down in Medicine Hat and has spent the last 5 years moving back and forth. With the benefit of hindsight and the relationships I have with my brother and sister now, I feel a tremendous amount of guilt for not being there for them during those years. I hated my life in Grimshaw and when I moved to Red Deer in August of 2000 I never looked back. I avoided even visiting Grimshaw for a long time (I called home at thanksgiving and announced i wasn't coming home & they could redecorate my room as I'd never be moving back). I've made some peace with my life there and have gone to Grimshaw more in the last year than I had probably combined for the first 5 years.

So when I look at my brother now I feel like I absolutely contributed to the things he missed out on and where he is now. If I were to grade myself on being a big sister i would definitely give myself a failing grade. I know that he's a chronic pot smoker and I know he's dabbled in other drugs but I have no way of confirming exactly how much he does (he has a tendancy to exaggerate). He got duped by a 24 year old woman and now has a 5 month old to look after...he doesn't have his high school education and he has an uncanny ability to attract losers into his life who take advantage of him. He has a great big heart but doesn't have the self worth built up to take control of his life. I know that he has the ability to choose his options in life but there's a reason that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer in this world. I know he feels stuck in his life and I'm not sure what his way out is...

How do we open the eyes of our loved ones to this great big world? In my family, it's the weirdest thing: we would fight to the death for each other but we have a really hard time saying "I love you" or even hugging each other. In Tyler & my relationship I was often the "guy" in the way that I felt uncomfortable saying how I felt. To this day I struggle with validating my emotions and feeling like they are as important as my intellectual opinions. Sometimes I can be very open, to a fault, but then i also have this invisible barrier that NO ONE gets across. Writing this blog is a struggle, and even now I am not sure it will ever see the light of day...as it is very personal. It's scary to be this personal. I tend to use humor to cover these things.

Like with my career right now. I find myself constantly saying "since i'm not working" or "since i don't have a real job" when really i think i am working just as hard on these things as I ever did. The first time I really started to embrace my self worth was when I got my first job at KFC. I grew a voice there and felt like I finally was finally someone. I guess it was at this point that i equated self worth with making money. I love being an Independent Consultant for BeautiControl and Home & Gift but it's also not completely fulfilling me, especially financially at this point. I've created this high maintenance lifestyle focused on stuff for myself and it's hard to break it. I hate having to ask tyler for money for MY bills and MY life. When people ask me how it is going (which is a common courtesy question) I feel like I need to say "oh i'm making X dollars" for it to be valid. Of course all of these things boil down to my own issues and my perspective. I treat people how to treat me, right? So how do I get my mind in order?

All the important people in my life are saying all the right things. My mom and surprisingly even my dad think its great that i'm doing this. My dad hates "sales people" and he completely respects what I am doing. To the point that he even paid for my flight to my convention in Dallas. Tyler has been supportive in every way imaginable. At the end of August I had a breakdown because I officially had no extra money coming in from being laid off. I felt like I was nowhere near when I thought I would be after working my BeautiControl business for 6 months and that Tyler would expect me to get "a real job" to continue paying the bills.

Tyler was the one who pointed out how much I had done in those 6 months (verus the "nothing" I was critizing myself with) and said he had no problem with me continuing to pursue my independant consulting versus looking for other work. Who could ask for a more supportive husband? However, now I feel a huge weight on my shoulders for how hard he works. It's not like he has an easy job. He lives at his mom's in edmonton for the work week and does ten hour days of physically labor so I can pursue this. And he doesn't even come home to a clean house!

I seem to be busy all the time but I am not sure what I am busy doing...I hate my sleep habits but also don't seem to be able to control them.

With my consultanting work I sometimes feel as though I don't make the cut in a lot of ways - like being consistant or having the drive to get up early on my own. But then in many ways I feel like it is for me and that I want to prove that I can do it so I can lead the way for others. I love my products and I feel passionately for them but sometimes I feel like there is a gap between how I feel about them and how I am getting that across to others. How do I get people passionate about their skin? One of the things that keeps me going is when I get feedback about people loving the products and when I hear about how the products have helped them. My mom has seen improvement in her skin discoloration (noticed by my aunt & grandma), my mother-in-law has less wrinkles, my skin looks healthier and one of my team members had her eczema clear up...

It's really hard for me to look at my successes over my failures...

To add more craziness to my mind is the whole baby issue. We've been off any form of birth control since November. I got pregnant right away in December but had a miscarriage. I haven't gotten pregnant since and in some ways I am thankful for the time to prepare and in others I am completely impatient. I know I will never be 100% ready for children and I know I want to have kids in my life so sometimes it's like "hurry up already universe!" But then I know I'd really have to get my ducks in a row if I had a baby coming...which is partly why I want one. Cuz I work better with deadlines and pressure! I am totally a person who doesn't deal well with not having control over things and I am trying really hard to be blaze about the baby thing and say that everything happens for a reason and that I'll get pregnant when we are suppose to. One of my friends happened to have the same due date I would have if I hadn't miscarried. She had her baby a few weeks ago (she lives in Grimshaw so I haven't met baby yet) and it is completely surreal to think that, that could easily be us. Tyler working out of town complicates matters even more and in more ways than one...getting pregnant and figuring out how to make life work when baby comes.

Ulg, it's late and I don't even know if this blog makes sense. My mind is all over the place, I kind of feel like my mind is swimming in the deep end. It'll be interesting to see what kind of comments I get on this one.

Business Blog Update

For those of you who may have clicked on my blog link, I typo'ed! The website is:
http://spa4yoursoul.wordpress.com

I accidently added a "d" after soul in the previous entry but that's been fixed now.

I am Addicted to Staying Up Late

So I have this stupid, annoying habit of being tired but not wanting to go to bed. Sometimes I just stay up ridiculously late (like 4, 5, 6am) and sometimes I just end up staying up the whole night and starting another day. It sucks. Well in some ways it sucks but as Dr Phil says I must be getting some sort of "payoff" to continue the behavior.

The ways that is sucks is that for one I am not really that product in my time awake. I'll maybe get some shows watched, or putz around on the internet, or read but nothing that is really income generating or happiness generating for myself. Also because then I am on the opposite schedule of the rest of humanity and I don't get personal errands accomplished and visiting times in with friends, etc.

The ways that I enjoy it is, in some sick sense, I get a sense of accomplishment by "beating the clock" so to speak and staying up all night. I feel like I am in on some big secret that other people aren't by being awake. And in some ways I don't want to go to bed cuz I feel like I am "giving up on the day". It's bizarre. It's also a very vicious cycle because if I stay up late like say 7am, then sleep until like 3pm then I don't feel tired at a normal hour such as 10pm...see what I'm saying?

My psychiatrist gave me sleeping pills and told me to take one or two at like 9pm every night so that it makes me sleepy and forces me to bed. So the first night I took two and viola, up at 5:30am and off to the swimming pool. But I wasn't consistent with my sleeping pills and habits and I am back to square zero again only a couple weeks later. I've even set my cell phone to ring at certain times of the day so that I'll have a reminder to take them, but I just resist.

I've gotten countless lectures on how I am damaging my body with my erratic (sp?) sleep behavior but I don't think I've ever done well with critcism. My therapist (who was amazing) is on mat leave right now so I'm just now sure how to work through this hurdle.

I read a great book recently and the author's advice was "just do it"...I'm sure there is boundless wisdom in that.

With that being said it is now 8:10am, I haven't been to sleep yet, but my bed is calling. Adios.

Business Blog

Ladies & Gents,

I know it seems a little silly to start another blog when I barely maintain this one, however I was reading on http://www.salesdivas.com/ (an excellent marketing source by the way) that you should offer a few "free" services to enhance your business and stay in the forefront of customers minds. So I started http://spa4yoursoul.wordpress.com/ (hmmm, maybe a website faux pas to mention other blogger sites on a blog site??). Add it to your bookmarks because it will be filled with tips, quotes, book recommendations, jokes, etc that nourish your soul. I will try not to be too repetitive between what I post on that one & this one but some crossover may happen.

However, for those of you who enjoy my rants, raves and drama/comedy (dramedy) stories on a personal level, those will remain on this site as I don't advertise this one to "clients".

Ciao for now,

Your Fun & Funny Spa Diva

Crystal

Tut's Universe

If you do only one thing today, go to http://www.tut.com/ and sign up for the daily "note from the universe". The notes are inspiration, profound and leave you feeling just a little bit more loved! Upon sign up you can take this oath that's is so positive. I am very tempted to retype the whole thing but I will only quote one sentence "thoughts become dreams, dreams come true and all things remain forever possible." Doesn't that just make your spine tingle & put a smile on your face? A reminder that anything you can dream can be yours. I love it & it totally fits in with the positive path I have been trying to walk down for the last year or so.

Question to Ponder...

What advice would you give your 5-years-younger self?

(check comments for my answer!)

Oh and for those of you who like "So You Think You Can Dance..." would any of you be interested in purchasing some US concert tickets when they go on tour? We could make a trip out of it!!

Smiles

I love, love, love that I posted my first blog in like 6 weeks last night and I had 2 comments on it already by lunch! You guys are great!!

Miscellaneous

It has been AGES since I've written a blog. I've had tons of ideas but haven't been disciplined enough to sit down and write. Here's a few tid bits to tie y'all over:

1) I was born Sept 23 which is considered on the "cusp" of the astrological signs Virgo & Libra. Thus I tend to display some characteristics of both signs, though since the moon was in Libra the date/time/year I was born I consider myself a Libra about 99%...here's a description of the signs from a not-so-recent email:

VIRGO - The Perfectionist (Aug 23 - Sept 22) - Dominant In relationships.
Conservative. Always wants the last word. Argumentative. Worries. Very
smart. Dislikes noise and chaos. Eager. Hardworking. Loyal. Beautiful. Easy to
talk to. Hard to please. Harsh. Practical and very fussy. Often shy.
Pessimistic.

LIBRA - The Harmonizer (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Nice to everyone they meet. Can't make up their mind. Have own unique appeal.
Creative, energetic, and very social. Hates to be alone. Peaceful, generous.
Very loving and beautiful. Flirtatious. Give in too easily.
Procrastinators. Very gullible.

So which one do you think I fit into more?

2) On one of my many car rides recently I came to the conclusion that commericals on TV are so powerful they can dominate associations. What I mean by this is that, when a commerical uses a song for instance, to advertise their product, it is forever burned in our brains to associate that song with that commerical. Some examples:

More than a Feeling - Boston for Boston Pizza

Choo Choo Boogie (a.k.a. Chew Chew) for Trident

3) I'm not sure why but I came up with the following scenerio...sort of a "what would you do" hypothetical.

Situation: man & woman are trying to have a baby. Along the way the woman unfortunately gets raped. She finds out she is pregnant some time after. It's possible that the baby is fathered either by her spouse or her rapist. Would you,

a) decide to keep the baby?

b) if keeping the baby, do a paternity test to determine the biological father?

So like I said, very bizarre thought process and I can't remember what triggered it but I thought it posed an interesting blog topic!

4) Hmm, well that's about it for now. Just wanted to let you know that I am alive & well and hope to begin contributing to my blog on a regular basis (at least weekly) soon...

P.S. I am still in love with "Dexter"...I am currently watching season two on tv and awaiting the dvd release in august or september. Season three begins in september but i don't know if i have the right channel for it :-(

P.P.S. The Dark Knight, Heath Ledger's famous movie project is released this Friday. I can't wait!

P.P.P.S. Step Up 2 was released on DVD today & I bought it along with Step Up 1...loves it...and totally loves "So You Think You Can Dance 4"

I'm in Love...

I've recently discovered a new show, Dexter [insert sigh here].

My attraction started right away with the opening credits. The music is quirky, off beat, catchy but not in that typical pop culture way. The imagery is graphic: mosquito caught in the act and then snapped out of it's existence, title coming into focus with blood oozing down, man cuts himself shaving and the dark red contrasting drops hit the white sink near the drain, followed by hot sauce dripping on eggs-over-easy, effortlessly being sliced through with a sharp sleek blade, a standard kitchen knife slices juicily through a orange, it's a blood orange and that soon becomes apparent as the life and it's juice is violently squeezed out of it. The final shots show his strength as he first flosses then tightens his shoe laces with a strength you just know could snuff the life out of someone. They had me with mosquito! Check out the opener for yourself on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x5WpxxJpL-g

Anyway "Dexter" came on after I had watched an episode of Cold Case. I was so intrigued I watched the entire episode all by myself in the darkness of my mother-in-law's living room. Of course there were many missing pieces of the series puzzle (aka back story) that I could not know but I still very much enjoyed the show & knew I wanted more. I've since rented the first season on DVD and have now enjoyed 7 episodes but am not yet at the one I caught on TV.

I must first warn you, before you decide to rent it for yourself, it is not for the faint of heart. Viewers discretion is advised as the show contains nudity, obscene language and violence. Or the trifecta as I call it. The base premise is that Dexter is your typical socio-path with no emotions or feelings. He moonlights as a serial killer who snuffs out the bad guys that got away while his day job is in forensic blood analysis. He is constantly on edge as he tries to fake his way to "human" but tends to identify more with the monsters he kills.

What draws me to such a show? I'm not positive. Possibly the same unidentified trait that got me reading true crime and vc andrews books in junior high. I am completely petrified of these monsters and the lives they destroy but at the same time fascinated with their stories. At one point I even considered a career as a Criminal Psychologist...however had a quick change of heart after watching the "Silence of the Lambs" in Grade 12.

I love "dexter" because it dares to be different. It dares to challenge us, the viewers, to like and cheer for a protaganist who might just be a bad guy as well. It gets additional brownie points for its well timed humour, potty mouthed sister character and for casting Julie Benz (one of my favorite actress finds that I love to watch). So I challenge you to watch it and let me know what your verdict is, have I become just another desensitized person in this warped world? Or is there a little evil in all of us that likes to be nurtured an hour a week?

If you want to watch the first episode for free here is parts 1 & 2:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhDxeCV-3u4&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YFxURdviag&feature=related

The "intelligence" of Fox TV

Have you ever gotten into a TV show in it's first few episodes, been left with a cliff hanger only to find out that the network in it's infinite wisdom, cancelled the show? This happens quite frequently as very high ratings are required for shows to maintain their timeslots and the general public seems to favor the ever stimulating reality television over quality writing these days. Don't let my snobbery fool you: I am a mega fan of Big Brother, America's Next Top Model and Hell's Kitchen. However I came across a message board discussing how Fox seems to ditch great, unique series' and I thought I'd dedicate a blog to some of my favorites from Fox that once got the cut...(and after doing some internet research added other network shows also.

For more info on any of these series' check out the amazing www.imdb.com

FOX:
Strange Luck 1995/96 - featuring the very delicious D.B. Sweeney
Get Real 1999/2000
John Doe 2002/03 - starring the very yummy Dominic Purcell
Kitchen Confidentail 2005
Family Guy, yep although it returned & is currently on the air, fox axed it from their schedule TWICE
The Mole (reality show but way cool)

Other Networks:
Men Behaving Badly 1996
Inside Schwartz 2001/02
Popular 1999-2001
Breaker High 1997/98, ah Ryan Gosling
Two Guys, A Girl and a Pizza Place 1998 - 2001, the adorable Ryan Reynolds
Family Plots 1994 (reality show again but way cool)
Life's Work 1996
Leap of Faith 2002
Committed 2005
the Naked Truth 1995-98, Tea Leoni
Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn - talk show, only a few episodes :-(

Best Game Show Ever: Supermarket Sweep!!

Recently Cancelled Potental Gems:
Miss Guided

Oh & apparently an Office spinoff is in the works. Woot!

Texas' Most Eligible Bachelor: Nate!

the Cutest Boy/Man in Texas:

When I went to Dallas for my BeautiControl Leadership conference I had the pleasure of meeting lots of fabulous people. One of which is Nate! While Diane & I were eating our breakfast at the airport & waiting for our flight, Nate was our server. He was completely adorable, funny, cute oh and gave great service as a waiter. I couldn't help myself, I had to ask if he was single & in the market for a girlfriend as I have a few single lady friends who would benefit from meeting him!

Well Nate proved himself to be a good sport & very friendly. He gave me his email that I can use to hook him up with some Canadian hotties. Though he did express some concern, asking us "Do y'all do this for a livin'?" The whole thing is a hilarious story from start to finish but writing it on here wouldn't do it justice so you have to ask for the in-person telling of it! In the meantime, check out these pics I could salvage of Nate from his myspace.com and drop me a line if you're interested in writing him. He has no age restrictions or "type" and his major priority is "no bad breath & good teeth". LOL But don't confuse this with desperation, he was just putting his trust in me that I'll find him a great lady!

Pictures

1. with some peeps

2. with his sister, & check out those pants, you know he has a sense of humor!

3. st. patty's day

Movie: August Rush

I knew, from the moment I saw the previews, that I would like this movie. Do you every have that feeling? That no matter what happened in the movie you were going to like it? I have had it a few times & this was one of them.

First off, I would just like to say that my opinion of Keri Russell, the lead actress, has really improved over the last two movies I've seen her in. I used to watch her in 'Felicity' back in my high school days and like her originally but as the series got lame my feelings transfered to her. So I avoided movies with her in them for a while. However, I watched 'Waitress' a few months back and she did an amazing job portraying a difficult character but keeping her likeable. It was a fresh movie concept compared to most of them out there. And left me feeling all warm & fuzzy. Well August Rush was the same so kudos to Keri for making great movie choices.

August Rush: the movie starts out in present day with an 11 year old orphan boy who hears music in everything around him. For some reason he knows that if he can capture that music and play it, his real parents will find him. I don't want to give much else away as it'll take away from the magic of the movie. I've heard the movie described as fairy tale like and I agree. Oh & yes I shed many tears during it.

Talent: the actors

Freddie Highmore - the boy. You might have seen him in Finding Neverland or Charlie & the Chocolate Factory. He's completely adorable & lovable in the latter & I have yet to see FN but I'm sure it's amazing too.

Keri Russell - his mom who comes from a classical background (cellist).

Jonathan Rhys Meyers - his dad who comes from a rock band & irish background.

Terrence Howard - a social worker who actually cares. I've seen this actor in 'the Brave One', 'Crash', and 'Awake' and I've liked his work in all of those.

Robin Williams - lets just say I liked him better when he played a happier character like Mrs. Doubtfire.

*Another movie with Keri Russell that I love is 'The Curve'. If you haven't seen it you MUST check this one out.

Public Breastfeeding Debate

I was driving home from Medicine Hat today and listening to one of my favorite programs on Sirius Cosmo Radio which is "Cocktails with Patrick". He wanted to discuss something that happened during his morning commute on the subway (New York City). He said he was on a very crowded train, when a very attractive woman started breastfeeding her baby.

Now his issue wasn't with her breastfeeding so much as he was questioning whether it was kosher to do this without bothering to use any discretion whatsoever. She didn't use a blanket, coat, shirt etc to cover her breast in anyway so her areola (the dark circle of the nipple) was visible to the entire crowded train including but not limited to the strange men sitting on either side of her. Patrick also said that he took in the reaction of the other people and every single person on the train seemed to have a look saying that what she was doing wasn't appropriate.

So how do you all weugh in? Let me share with you my view point and then some of the listeners that called in. In my opinion it is fine to breastfeed in public but it is common courtesy (and personal comfort) that a woman should make an effort to not expose her privates to the public (a.k.a. use a blanket to cover up the act). My reasoning being that we live in a very sexualized society where the breasts are a sexual organ. If it is censored on public television that you shouldn't be able to have a live showing of it right? I have spent 25 years of my life covering up my "bathing suit" area and not letting just anyone see it so I can't imagine converting to a public breastfeeder myself let alone doing it with visible nipples showing...my experience with my exhibionist breastfeeding sister-in-law has only strengthened this viewpoint! Why would I want to allow others to see my breasts without earning the privledge??? Ha ha

The majority of the listeners who called in supported this (saying that breastfeeding was fine but that she should have covered herself up somehow) with a rare few saying it wasn't a big deal and she should be allowed to do that and that people should just get over it. Here are some of the specific comments that I remember:

• 100% if the states say it is legal to breastfeed in public & it is not an indecent act.
• Yes breastfeeding is a natural act however we all do lots of natural acts that aren't appropriate for public viewing at different levels of extremity (a.k.a. passing gas to going to the bathroom to having sex to making out, etc).
• As a mother you should be prepared for circumstances such as these by carrying either a bottle for feeds or even just a blanket or bib to cover yourself.
• There is something called a "Hooter Hider" that is an apron like thing you can use to safely cover your baby for private breastfeeding (check it out at http://www.psychobabyonline.com/site/epage/28160_533.htm)
• The mom might not thing it's a perverted act however you can't control the minds of the perverts beside you!
• Some breastfeeding mom's said when your milk lets down you gotta breastfeed no matter what cuz it is so painful.
• Another listener pointed out that young men are taught from a very young age that breasts are a private thing for woman so having them on display would be very hard for them to understand public breastfeeding plus seem like a "naughty" and thus arousing thing when faced with it.

Patrick himself said that he felt both aroused and put off by this woman's apparent lack of concern for her boob hanging out on a crowded train. Where do you weigh in? Please post your comments!

How Life Changes...Part II

First I just want to give a shout out to my "loyal readers" who obviously keep checking for blogs even though I have been so neglectful... I love that you guys read this and are interested in what I have to say!

Okay, so where was I? Hmm, oh the good doctor wanted to offer me the position after he "worked out" the details, whatever that meant. Again, I was quite surprised as I really didn't have any faith that he was going to offer it to me. When I left, I got the impression that he didn't like me much. It was weird. In fact, when the phone first rang I saw that it was him and decided not to answer it yet but to call back a few hours later (as I assumed it was a 'thanks but no thanks' call). So I agreed to meet with him Tuesday morning, after I got back from Texas, so that he could show me in detail his exact expectations and what he was willing to offer me.

Our (my Director Diane & I) flight to Dallas was scheduled to leave Calgary at 7:00am, so with the latest international flying restrictions we were encouraged to arrive at the airport about 2 hours prior. Factoring in the drive to Calgary we should have left Red Deer at about 3:30am. I was carpooling with Diane there (her husband was kindly driving us there so we didn't have to park a vehicle) and she figured if we left her house by four that should be enough time. Me, ever so anal, was freaking out about not having enough time but just smiled and agreed. Since I am both a procrastinator & a night owl I stayed up all night getting packed and preparing for my trip. I got to Diane's about quarter to four hoping to get an earlier start then planned but she wasn't quite ready. I was disappointed to learn that we were going to be taking her Mustang to Calgary (P.S. She won that Mustang through BeautiControl!), not because I don't like Mustangs but because they are mainly a sports car and maybe not the best option to take all my humungous luggage on the newly snowed on highway. My assumptions were both correct: only my luggage squeezed into the trunk (diane's got moved to the backseat) and the roads got very crazy between Drumheller and Calgary. However I was pleasantly surprised to find that I had plenty of leg room in the backseat!

Long story short: although we got to the airport at about 5:30am we still arrive well in time to sit in the lounge for about 20 minutes before boarding. Not too rushed but not too long. Through the drive I only managed about a half hour's sleep and then I got about another hour on the plane one my seatmate felt sorry for me and refused to continue our conversation so I could nap...I really enjoyed my flight to Dallas as I scored an emergency row!

Dallas looks a lot like a combination of Lethbridge & Calgary...except with American flags all over! The weather was gorgeous (20s & sunny) if not a little humid. When we went to register for our rooms there were over 150 people waiting in line to do the same! Thinking on our feet we went to register for our conference first and scored with no lines! However when we went back to room registration the lines were just as long (though no longer). Diane had a Director's meeting she had to be at shortly so I offered to check into our room while she headed to her meeting. After waiting in line for over an hour and a half the attendant wouldn't let me check in as my name wasn't on the room, only Diane's (let this be a lesson to all of you!), even though I had cash to pay for the entire three nights for both of us (so nothing to be left on her credit card).

Um, well as you may have guessed if you picked up on the lack of sleep, I had a bit of a breakdown...with tears. I hate crying in public because I don't cry pretty - we're talking red blotchy face, snot, the works - and cuz I hate looking unprofessional especially in front of 150 of my new peers. I headed to a bathroom to have my breakdown in private and sought help when I thought I was prepared to talk without crying. Unfortunately I misjudged my ability and couldn't stop crying in front of guest services and then the manager. Fortunately it resulted in me not only getting checked into my room but also getting two double beds instead of the one king size we thought we'd be stuck with. Score!

That was the only negative of my trip and again it might not have been so bad if I had the appropriate amount of sleep to deal with it in a calm manner. From that point on my weekend was fabulous. I'm not sure how to quantify it with words but I'll try...

• 
  
  I met many other fabulous & fearless woman,


• 
  
  Everything was well organized, fun/exciting, geared for women, and inspiring,


• 
  
  Each woman who spoke on stage had a diva presence in a positive way. They knew they were fabulous, they love what they do for a living, they get pampered with all kinds of prizes and recognition, they are every day people and they each had a personal, emotionally driven story about why the material awards are only the icing on the cake.


• 
  
  I felt like I belonged to a company that truly wanted my success, for me to succeed to the best of my ability and wanted to give me the tools to get there,


• 
  
  I felt like BeautiControl was really excited to have me on board (along with the other 3000+ people in attendance),


• 
  
  I was really excited about our new product launches and was confident that the products we market are truly the best available. Our VP of Research & Development has sound great energy and spirit that you can't help but adore him!


• 
  
  I believe/believed that every man and woman could benefit from my products,


• 
  
  I felt that I could have any amount success I wanted: if I could dream it I could have it,


• 
  
  I felt like I didn't want to miss a second of anything - much different from other conferences I have been too!


• 
  
  I felt that I truly belonged in that place at that time and that it was my destiny to walk this path.

Why so sure of this last point? Let me tell you a quick story about one of my "signs". As I went to bed our first night in the hotel I decided to set my cell phone as a back up alarm as I wasn't all that used to getting up before noon lately. I scrolled through the default ringers and decided that I'd like to wake up to "the saints come marching in" ringtone. It had no particular meaning to me, it just sounded the least intrusive for the next morning but with enough zing to wake me up. So it worked and off we went to our Friday of fun. At the end of the Friday festivities, Tim (VP of Special Events and Promotions) announces that the Spring Recruiting trip will be to New Orleans. Okay, I say to myself, I wouldn't mind a free trip there. And at this point I was fully "sold" on pursuing BeautiControl as a full time career. But just in case I wasn't listening, a band emerged from behind Tim, playing trombones, trumpets, etc and what song are they belting out? Yep, The Saints Come Marching In. As I have started paying attention to the signs in my life recently I was like OMIGOSH! The universe was saying 'here's your wake up call Crystal!" Very cool.

I officially decided at that moment that I couldn't go back to Red Deer and take this boring ol' chiropractor job. I couldn't settle for another job when what I really want is a career. I don't need a boss determining what I am worth and my level of success. I don't need yet another authority figure telling me why I shouldn't worry my pretty little head about the business details as I couldn't possibly understand why things are done the way they are. I went to school for Business Marketing and what better way to apply that then to market my own personal business/services? I am happy to report that I had great encouragement from people around me: Tyler (my husband), my Mom, my Director Diane (she has been a great & genuine source of inspiration for me) and even my old co-worker/supervisor Cynthia.

Why not pursue my dreams right now? What better time to take a risk? I am young, intelligent, ambitious and don't have a lot of things holding me down. I have spent the last few years happy about what I do have in my life (great husband, adorable pets, quality friends, higher education, a lovely home) but have been jealous of my perception of other's freedom. Freedom to travel, to do something crazy like go back packing in the Amazon or uproot their lives and move to Fuiji. Freedom to take advantage of any opportunity that comes their way. I got a taste of this when I went to New York, one of my top three places to see. I thought, what the hell am I doing? I should just come live in NY for 6 months! Why not? I got a taste of how successful I could be with direct sales by doing Home & Gift Collection. The last tally had me at #3 in sales for New Consultants (all across Canada).

So here I am, taking the bull by the horns. Getting laid off from AFSC is a blessing. I am going to prove that, so that everyone who is unhappily in a job, there or elsewhere, can see that we don't have to be stuck in them. We can pursue our dreams AND make a living. I have about 2 years until my ten year class reunion and I am determined to not only be a Director of BeautiControl by then but to have earned my own Mustang*. That way I can arrive with my friends for life in style :-D My personal challenge to you is: join me. Success is so much more fun when you can share it with friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*By the way, you know those cosmetic companies that give away cars? Ask them if they really own them...by definition: could they sell them for cash? if they quit can they keep them? if they don't meet their targets do they get to keep them? The answers may surprise you! Let me tell you, without hesitation, with BeautiControl the car is yours to do with it what you may...and they don't stop at Mustangs, the next car is a Lexus and after that a Benz!

OH! One final comment: Tyler quit his local job on Friday and started working at a job in Edmonton as of Wednesday. I am sad that he won't be home every night but I am looking forward to him actually enjoying his job again. The great thing about pursing BeautiControl is that I now can have the flexiblity to drive to Edmonton to spend time with Tyler or even not working Fridays so I can have the whole day with him. Plus now he is making more money again and we get benefits again (hello dental & prescrition woot!), which is ever so important if we want to have babies. My business is something I can take with me where ever his work ends up being and I look forward to a day when I can be the major breadwinner and he can pursue a job that gets him excited to get up every morning.

How Life Changes...Part I

Well for those of you who don't know, I ended up getting laid off from my "traditional" day job working for the government, at Christmas. While getting laid off bruised my ego, I looked on the brightside of things which was that I didn't LOVE my job and I was just comfortable there. My analogy of it is, it's like when you have a boyfriend that you're just not that into, who you have considered breaking up with, but he dumps you first. It doesn't mean you want to date him again, it just bothers you that he ditched you first.

So, after many discussions with family & friends, I decided that I should take a much needed "break" from the workforce. I started my first official job at KFC when I was 15, I had been babysitting since I was 12 and hadn't had a break from school, work or both since! However very shortly after making this decision I decided to apply for a job with the City of Red Deer. The most attractive thing about this position was honestly the pay! I got myself an interview and was told I did a great job but they had an internal candidate with equal experience & education but she had the edge of being an internal candidate. Again I was okay with this decision as I would've just went straight from one blase job to the next.

I applied for several jobs that interest me and attempted to cross items off my "to do" list that I had been neglecting. Before I knew it the end of February was arriving, I didn't feel rested nor relaxed or even like I had accomplished anything. I had decided to embrace the business opportunity that BeautiControl had to offer and to do that 100% I wanted to attend their Leadership Conference in Dallas, Texas. About a week before I was scheduled to go I got a phone call from a chiropractor that had advertised a couple positions I had applied for about a month prior. He asked me to come in for an interview as the girl he had hired he "wasn't too sure was working out." At the interview there was only myself and one other girl. Chatting with her I discovered she was still in college. The interview was a group based one. First we were told about the position, then we were asked about 10 questions which we had to have written responses to, then we had a "test" that involved identifying transposed numbers, alphabetizing, and taking a personality test. We finished with a 30 second spiel in private on why we are the better candidate.

Most people know me well enough to know that at the mere mention of test & an indication that it was a "race" my competetive nature gets my adrenaline pumping and mixed with the iced caramel mochiatto i had, I got very very shaky. This served me well for the test (yep I got it done first & got a perfect score) but wasn't so great for the one-on-one part. I left thinking I had done my best but that I probably hadn't left the best impression. Needless to say I was quite surprised when the chiro doctor called me back to tell me I was his top choice and to schedule a time when I got back to meet and further discuss details...

More to come, stay tuned!

The Power of Editing

Okay so have you ever went to a movie or rented one thinking it was one type of movie and found out the trailers were completely misleading? Well there are some excellent editors out there that have made fun of this by creating & posting hilarious cuts of movies accompanied by movies to make them look like a completely different film. There are tons of ones on www.youtube.com but I've taken the liberaty of collecting some of my favorites that are of a higher caliber. Enjoy!

the shinning recut - a feel good movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmkVWuP_sO0&feature=related
mary poppins a.k.a. scary mary
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2T5_0AGdFic
the notebook - thriller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQXSbxWbHnk&feature=related
the incredibles - scary!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HdW_GxefIU4&feature=related
silence of the lambs - love story
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bCxF6idjqnk&feature=related
the ring - feel good movie
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgxayErS5As&feature=related
dumb and dumber - psycho stalker
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wykhY321nnw&feature=related
willie wonka - scary, which i always thought it was anyway ha ha
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1lWF-_Lpic&feature=related
american pie - frightening
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a2WSW2sYKx0&feature=related
wedding crashers - suspense thriller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KRbw_J2Kzh4&feature=related
toy story - i had to stop watching half way through cuz i almost wet my pants in fear!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BuNF7Z7sAt8&feature=related