Baby Daddies

I'm sure most of you are filled in on the situation but in case you've forgotten here's the details:

My brother Cody was dating a girl, Crystal who is about 4 years older and has a 5 year old son. First of all, having kids brings baggage to a relationship (sad but true) and my brother is very young for his years so I wasn't all that kosher with him dating a girl with a kid (let alone someone so much older than him). Secondly, I have rarely met another Crystal I have liked.

That being said I had met her with an open mind. So in August/September of 2007 I met the girl and her kid. The kid's name is Blake and is a pretty cute one. His mother (& my brother's girlfriend at the time) was something else. She is one of those people who acts more like a big sister than a mother. She would say things to her son Blake like "don't be stupid" and "don't be a butthead" and I really hate when people talk to their kids like that. I think it's SO important for a mother to be her kids' #1 fan & supporter. Anyhoo, I wasn't too impressed with her. Then while I was there my brother & his girlfriend got into a mega fight - not in front of me as they lived together already (yes after they had only been dating for at most 4 months) & I was at my Aunt's house - but he come over to my Aunt's so we knew it was going on. When I left after the weekend it seemed they would be breaking up shortly.

One week or so later I get a phone call from my dad saying 'guess what?' and I correctly guessed that she was pregnant. Seemed a little too convenient. After Christmas the two of them got into yet another fight where she got violent & starting throwing things at him. My brother called my mom & said he wanted to leave and she encourage him to as if the cops were ever called they'd hardly believe this pregnant lady was the one being violent. She was definitely pissed that he left her as i'm sure her frame of mind was that babies trap men into relationships.

Her dates never really made sense along the way so I doubted she was pregnant the whole time but she did end up popping out a baby on May 2, 2008. However she ensured my brother wasn't there when baby was born by calling my Uncle's cell phone @ 2am instead of their house phone (my brother lives with my Aunt & Uncle). So she took the liberty of naming the baby herself: Chaise Alexander Corey Major (note my brother's name is Cody David Johnson so there is no reference to him, but Corey does happen to be one of their male friend's name, oh & she wasn't welcome at their house for a while...hmmm). So anyway, my brother was pretty upset about that, but he's also not the sharpest dude so they convinced him that he had to sign the bab papers and so he basically accepted the name by doing that.

In the beginning, when my mom & I came down Crystal brought Chaise over to my Aunt's house to visit. Which was nice of her. But then she realized we weren't going to be showering her with gifts or anything so she stopped being nice. She started refusing visitations and insisting that my brother pay child support through the courts (which he was giving her money without the courts). We visited a lawyer who gave us no hope even after we described the conditions of her home. Spent a few times in court, my brother gave up for a few months, then finally he has gotten re-involved again. Now he has visits ordered by the court every Tuesday, Thursday & every other weekend for a few hours each time. They are scheduled to go back to court on the second Thursday in June to re-evaluate how things are going & see if Cody can get more visiting in. Chaise will also be over a year old by then. In the meantime, Crystal has tried every "trick" in the book to get more money out of my brother:

-Maternity Payments: child support for the last three months of pregnancy. Her reasoning was that she needed money to get all the baby stuff in order. Funny, my brother does too but he doesn't get to ask her for money. The judge asked if he was willing to pay it, he said no, judge asked if he'd go half & Cody said fine. Judge ruled that he would pay $450 over the next 6 months versus the $900 she wanted all at once. Crystal was pissed.

-tried to get more than the $300/month that was ruled for child support based on my brother's income (my brother has maybe a 10th grade education & does manual labor for my Uncle for a living). Judge looked at the tax papers and said what he was paying was fair. So...

-she filed papers to have my Aunt's payroll audited to make sure they were paying my brother properly. Pain in the butt for my Aunt, but no changes were made.

-Then she asked for "activity payments" to be set up 90% my brother and 10% her. First off, Chaise was like 6 months old so what kind of activities does he do? Secondly, the judge ruled that they both earn about the same amount of money so no they will split any activities 50/50. She didn't like that either.

-She also wanted my brother to pay for daycare so that she could spend time going back to school and she wanted my brother to pay for her to go back to school. The major flaw I see with this is that my 20 yr old brother with a 10th grade education is suppose to pay for a 25 yr old girl who has some college to go back to school? Maybe he should ask for her to pay for HIM to go back to school. Anyway, i'm not sure if she's filed any official paperwork but I know he isn't paying anything extra at this point.

That's about all the ones I can remember. When Chaise was newly born, my brother mentioned getting a paternity test and Crystal freaked out. As a guy who had only been with a girl a few months, I know I would have done a test just to feel 100% that the kid was mine. Especially when I had no say in naming the baby & then she was being so difficult about the whole thing. My dad & I feel that even if only 1% of you wonders if it's yours, you should do the test to be sure. If the results come back that it's yours, great now you have no surprises down the road and you can feel more confident about fighting for your kid & his rights. However, if you find out it's not yours, then you've saved yourself the pain of bonding with a child that isn't yours and the woman knowing and manipulating you about it. Plus you have taken away her power to hold that possiblity over your head.

One of my friends, Danielle, let me know that you can actually order paternity kits online. Basically a lab sends you some cotton swabs and you send back one with the kid's salvia & one with yours. Then in five business days you know the results. The results don't hold up in court as there isn't a proper chain of evidence, but the way my dad & I figure is that if you get the results and it's his kid then you know 100% and Crystal is never the wiser that you did it so she doesn't have a chance to be pissed off. Then if she ever tries to pull the whole "maybe it's not your kid" down the line, you can be confident that it is. If you get the results that it isn't his kid, then you can go the proper more lab based root (& more expensive) and who cares if you piss her off because you have nothing to lose at that point.

So I googled "paternity kits" and got LOTS of results. I went with the one called www.whozthedaddy.com because it was a little less costly ($189) and the lab is based out of Edmonton so a little more local for us. My dad was here last week so he slapped down his credit card and I ordered it for him. Now, the next time my dad goes down to visit (scheduled in June) they can do the swabs and we should know for sure. You can probably expect a blog either way with the results!

you know you're getting old when...

I wanted to get a new swimsuit because the one useable suit I have is a little low cut and the top doesn't fit the best which reemphasizes how low cut it is. First I went to Penningtons (plus size store) but they had a small selection. I didn't love any of them & they were about $90 each so I left and headed for Walmart. A lot of the tops at walmart were tie up around the neck (another issue with my old suit), which I wanted to a void as it gives me neck pain. The suit I liked & went with is the reason I know I'm getting old. It is one of those dress/skirt suits I swore I'd never wear AND I think it looks cute. How did old age sneak up on me like that.

A Few Topics

Bella Bands

I've been having low back pain & some occassional pelvic pains so I thought this product, Bella Band might help. Its marketed as a product you can use from the beginning of pregnancy to the post labor days. Essentially it is a spandex tube top that you wear over your waste. I got it on Monday - so it's still early days - but I'd say my biggest complaint is that since its got spandex in it, it tends to "roll" up. Maybe that means I should have gotten the bigger size but I figured since the size three fit (yep i got to buy something in a size three, ha ha) that that's the once I should go with. I'll include a picture for your reference & I'll keep you posted on it.

Jealousy

Alright, so this girl I went to high school with who isn't a close friend but is kind of friends with a friend is pregnant right now. She had a baby in May of 2008 so with her due date info her first will be about 16 months when the second is born. I found out yesterday that her due date as been bumped up to October 2 (it was much later in October before) and since she had a c-section the first time, they will schedule her about two weeks before that for her c-section which puts it right around Sept 18th. Um, not only is my personal birthday on the 23rd but my due date is September 20th. I don't really appreciate sharing that time period with anyone else. Especially someone who just had a baby and doesn't need to hog my baby & birthday month LOL Thankfully she is not super close or anything but it's still annoying. My friend Shelley's boy was born on the 21st of 2007 so I wonder if she feels the same way about her boy's birthday. Hopefully the baby will be a week or two early so he/she doesn't have to share with anyone.

Husbands Who Work Away

Tyler has been working in other towns for a good chunk of our relationship. When your spouse works away for most of the week, it presents a few challenges: you have to do all the work around home by yourself, you get into your own schedule and then when they come home it messes it up, you just simply build your own private life and then have to fit them in when they're home on the weekends. I was willing to deal with these ramifications when it was just the two of us but I have said for a very long time that I wouldn't put up with that when we have kids. When Tyler used to work in Fort McMurray he caught the bus every Sunday in the Tim Horton's parking lot. While we waited for the right bus and the right amount of 'fullness' on the bus, I would watch the other families saying goodbye to their dad or husbands. There would even be van-ful's of kids saying goodbye. I decided then & there that it would be unfair to father & kids to have that kind of relationship.

Right now Tyler is working in Fort Saskatchewan. The plant there is booming despite the recession and there is at least a year's worth of work there, they are told. In my 8 1/2 years of experience with the Electrical Union I would say that about 90% of the jobs that are available have been in the Edmonton area or in Fort Mac. There have only been a handful of jobs in the Red Deer area and even in the Calgary area. So I basically told Tyler, that come September (when baby will be here) he needs to decide if he's going to quit the union and find an non-union job in Red Deer or stay with the union and we'll move to a community closer to Edmonton.

Even though I said come September, its really a decision that needs to be made closer to now...after all it might require selling our house here and looking for a house elsewhere and that doesn't happen overnight. And realistically, I don't want to be 9 months pregnant and moving or even non-pregnant with a very young baby. I don't think I wrote about this yet but if I did, I apologize for repeating myself!

Another Nightmare

I woke up Saturday morning from the following nightmare/dream:

I had had the baby (it was a girl who looked a lot like baby Tehya) but for some strange reason I was unable to breastfeed for one month. So for some even stranger reason, Kim was breastfeeding my baby for me. So I was getting really upset because she was doing all the so called "bonding" with MY baby but everyone else seemed okay with it because it's oh so important for baby's to have breastmilk over formula. Finally I got upset enough that I got really mad at her and said it was my baby & I'd do what I wanted to do with her.

Now let's analyze that dream LOL Well I definitely have been feeling a lot of pressure from the world to breastfeed and I've definitely been struggling with the concept. The best way I can think to explain it, is that for as long as I've had boobs they have been a sexual object. I was never really the kind of kid who "dreamt" of being a mom so I never really thought of them in their real purpose of feeding babes. So it's a little weird to think of a baby sucking on my breast but to put it in a non-sexual context. Make sense?

Anyway, I've decided to try not to really stress or think about it right now. I'm hoping that once the baby arrives it'll feel more natural to me and it won't be an issue. I don't really buy into the whole "breast is best" propaganda that is put out into society and the anti-conformist in me wants to not do it simply to rebel. However I did find out that formula costs like $300/month and that is a lot of money to spend if I don't have to. I am also inherently lazy and popping a baby onto a boob sounds like less work in the long run than making bottles!

Info Tidbit & Ultrasound Update

What is the difference between an ultrasound and a sonogram? (I get asked this a lot & I didn't know the answer but I came across it today)

An ultrasound is the machine that allows you to see your baby during your pregnancy. A sonogram is the picture taken of your baby during the ultrasound. A sonogram is a "still-shot" of your baby.

UPDATE:

-I can't get into my Doctor until May 1st (next Friday), so I have to wait until that day to see if she'll even consider giving me another ultrasound rec form.

-I called Janeen, the Tech Supervisor, at CAMIS to follow up with my complaint and she basically informed me that they are there for medical purposes and it is not their job to entertain me and that if they see gender it is a bonus. She was super bitchy and defensive and not at all sympathetic. So either she's never been pregnant before, or she has benefited from working there as a pregnant person, or they didn't have the technology in her day so she doesn't care if I have access to it. Needless to say, she didn't care if my appointment was less than positive for me as long as they got the pictures they needed. Glad to see that Customer Service is still a priority for companies today!!!! Oh, and I'm pretty sure my tax dollars pay her salary...maybe I should write a snarky letter. A little sympathy would have went a long way with me rather than the cold, attacking defense she put out.

Logical vs Emotional

So logically I know that the following experience isn't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things...but emotional it is!

My Ultrasound Appointment Today:

So I have been counting down the sleeps to my ultrasound like a kid does for their birthday or Christmas morning. In fact, when I went to bed last night & awoke this morning it felt like Christmas! I couldn't wait until appointment when at last the mystery of boy or girl could be determined and I could finally do the things I've been waiting to do. I've been putting off looking at baby names until we could focus on one gender. I've been putting off any room decorating plans until I know which colors & schemes would be more suitable. I even thought I would be able to bond better with a little being once I knew if it was a baby boy or a baby girl. It would be one more piece of the puzzle to what kind of baby we were going to have.

The beauty of finding out this info was/is that there is no wrong answer! Yes I am leaning more towards boy but girl is still good too. I just want to know so that I can move forward with my plans and everything.

So I made sure that I drank my water this morning. And I even drank a OJ juice box because I heard it helped increase baby's activity so that you were more likely to see the appropriate parts. Then I went to CAMIS (the place that looks like a ski chalet) where my appointment was at for my 12:45pm appointment. The lady at the desk asked me if it was my first ultrasound there and I said basically yes so she gave me a laminiated card to look over. The card had a couple blurbs on it that basically said that they understand that you're excited but that they need to do their medical stuff first and then hopefully they can tell you the sex if you so wish to know. Then a woman called out my name and I got up to follow her and handed her the card (so she should know that it was my first time). She pointed me to a curtained change room & told me to put on the gown and leave on my undergarments. I didn't understand the need to be naked, so I asked if I was suppose to take off my top only or pants too? And she responded with a frosty "Undergarments on ONLY". So that was a great start.

So I got on my nice hospital gown opening to the back, and noted to self to consider not wearing a thong next time and to possibly shave my legs. She came back to get me and again in her abrupt tone told me to grab my purse (so I assumed to leave my clothes there), then to put my purse on the chair in the room and to lay back on the bed. She asked if this was my first pregnancy & I said "well i had a miscarriage before..." she asked "how far along" i said "early, less than 4 weeks". Then she said "so your first ulrasound told you your due date?" and I said "well that & my period dates". Then without anymore talking she squirted the (thankfully warmed) gel onto my pelvis area and went to town with the monitor, making sure to move it so I couldn't see a thing. About 10 minutes went by without her speaking to me when I asked "so what are you looking for at this ultrasound" to which she responded "anatomy". Okay, cranky one for sure I thought. Then after a minute or two she elborated to say something which i don't remember about the different parts all of which fall under anatomy within about 30 seconds. Then silence again.

Then some more time went by, and then she asked me to move onto my right side so she could get a different look. I asked if baby was being difficult and she said "yes" and I said that wasn't anything new. More silence. Then she asked me to move back to my back. Then she asked my husband's name to which I said Tyler and wondered why she had asked me that. She asked me if I needed to pee and I said it depended on how much longer we were going to be. She said she was all done and was just going to grab my husband to tell us stuff. I said he's not here he's working in Fort Saskatchewan. She was like "oh then I can just show you now then you can go pee". So she spun the monitor over and pointed out baby's head, arms, feet. Okay that wasn't anything new. She referred to baby as a "he" so I asked if she was able to tell the gender then and she responded with "oh, we just call all babies "he". you'll have to tell us at the beginning so if the tech has time they can look for that. so if you come in again you can ask then." and that was it.

she told me to go pee and come back. so i did, and i was trying not to cry with disappoint about not finding anything out - gender...or weigh or length or anything other than my baby has a head & four limbs. when i got back she said 'oh you can just go change cuz we need this room and then i'll come meet you at the changing room. and there are your pictures.' so i put my clothes on & looked at the pictures and they weren't clear or pronounced or really any better than the ones we got from Calgary at 13 weeks. she was taking a while so i went to the front desk to make sure that i was suppose to wait and the front desk lady told me to go back to the change room. i was there for another minute or two when the tech came back and said "yep everything's fine. and IF you come back tell them at the beginning."

so i managed to make it to my car and then i started crying because i had built up this moment so much and here i knew absolutely nothing and it seemed like that was because she was too busy to find out. i had booked this appointment 6 weeks in advance and they were too busy to tell me the one thing i wanted to know. everything i had every read about ultrasounds at this stage basically said that if you DIDN'T want to know to make sure that was clear at the beginning. i wasn't prepared at all for telling her i wanted to know in advance.

I've spent a good long time being upset, and whenever I try to talk about it or think about it I start crying again. It doesn't help that I am a hormonal pregnant lady. At first I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be upset or what but my friend Megan assures me that this was suppose to be my experience as much as it is a medical necessity and that I shouldn't have to leave feeling the way I did. She called the CAMIS on my behalf to put in a complaint about the way it was handled and see if I could re-book an appointment ASAP. Megan was very diplomat about the whole thing for me repeating that we didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings and that we understood they weren't there for our "entertainment" (as they put it) but that it's still a service and that I should have come away at least with a better explanation and a little more info about baby. The lady didn't sound very forthcoming on the phone so I am suppose to call her myself, which I'll do when I am a little less teary eyed about it. I did put in a phone call to my Dr.Phil as she seems like a much more sympathetic individual, hoping that I can get a new ultrasound rec asap and then go to the other place in town that is easier/faster to get into and has a little better bedside manor. I think i will try to do all future business with them as much as possible!

I'll add my new lame ass photos for your judgement...the first one will be my 13 weeks so you can compare.

It seemed like a good idea at the time...

When I was talking to Tyler on the phone tonight he was telling me about the burger & onion rings he had for supper and I was like "that sounds so good, I'm going to go get that". So I drove threw snow flurries & got a teen burger and onion rings, then I ate about 3/4 of it...and now I feel nasty, gross & disgusting. It tasted good going down but now it feels like it is going to come back up. I almost always feel this way after A&W so I don't know what I have this amnesia about it shortly before purchasing...blah!

Pregnancy Dreams

One of the most common experiences pregnant women have is "weird" dreams. I personally, have always had weird dreams! But now I feel a little more normal for it ha ha Here is a recount of my dream last night that left me very weirded out this morning...

THE DREAM:

I awake in a ficticious bathtub, having the knowledge that I've been in there for a while (anywhere from a few hours to a few days, I can't remember which one or if it was both, you know how dreams are). I feel kind of weird 'down there' so I reach down and feel that I am crowning! The nice thing is that I don't feel any pain, the not cool thing is that I am about to give birth. So Tyler calls an ambulance & I'm excited until I remember that I'm not even 5 months pregnant yet and that giving birth is a bad thing.

Dreams are so bizarre in how they cross real life with fiction. I watched an episode of "Cold Case" last night in which a woman who was sick, passed out on her bathroom floor, and no one found her for two days. So that could be part of the dream origin. As for the crowning, I'm not sure. It was creepy, and I've been creeped out all day remembering it!

Coming out of the closet...

Well I’ve been out-ed.

No, not the lesbian kind.

And no not even the pregnant kind (cuz I’m still kind of in the closet about that with some people).

It’s the financial failure closet that I was in. And now I am out.

See although Tyler & I have been together more than 8 years, and married for 3 ½ of those, we started our relationship with very separate views about money and thus kept our money separate. In the beginning we had our own accounts and chose how we spent our own money and split most of the bills 50/50. As our relationship got more committed and he started earning more money we sort’ve combined our accounts but it’s still very separate. We definitely still have very different views on how money should be spent: me on frivolous things and Tyler on nothing at all!

Anyway, long story short...I've technically been unemployed for the last 15 months but I've continued to spend like I have a full time job. I've basically racked up all my credit (credit cards & a line of credit) to the point of "maxed" by the end of December and I've just been paying the minimums for the last few months. I didn't go out of my way to hide it from Tyler, but I also didn't advertise it either. On Easter Monday when he was home, he was digging through the paper pile looking for something and came across one of my statements. Surprisingly, he didn't even bring it up until Wednesday night, and he was much more calm about it then I would have expected. I guess for me, I'm seeing HUGE amounts of money with little to no income coming in on my end as I'm the one who racked them up, I should be the one who needs to work hard to pay them off. Tyler, very nicely, suggested that I should limit my extra-ciricular activities until I've paid off some of my bills which I completely agree with.

I think for me, money spending is as much as addiction as my junk food habit is for me and the drugs and alcohol can be for others. As far as I'm concerned, an addiciton is when you look outside yourself to fulfil something inside yourself. So I need to start doing more fulfilling things and less "empty" things. Easier said then done I think!

Fatness or Baby Belly?

You decide...here's one pic of me sort've sucking it in & one letting it hang out.

We took these today, officially 18 weeks.

Only 5 more days until our Ultrasound :-D

Updates

Nothing major going on but many minor things so just a general "updates" title :-D

First, I bought a Magic Bullet. For though of you who've been to certain parties, NO i don't mean one of those bullets. I mean the food processor that you've probably seen the infomercial for.

So far, you know, I am not really that happy with it. I really believed the infommerical when is subliminally suggested it would change my life! My main goal when I was considering purchasing it (which has been since before I went to Greece by the way, cuz I remember that the infomercial was on the plane ride and I was watching it for the second time) was for it to help me eat healthier by eating something like smoothies. Well, texture has always been a major category for me when it came to how I like food and I don't think I like the texture of smoothies. However there are a "wide" variety of things my Magic Bullet can make for me so I am going to google some recipes and see if I can't fall in love with it. That being said, this morning I tried to make a Mocha and it was...messy. I had just taken the blender part out of the dishwasher (which its allowed to do) but forgot to make sure the seal was still in place and apparently didn't seal it properly so I dripped coffee mocha all over my counter and the machine...more than once. So the machine does not get any points for making me grumpy and feel stupid, first thing in the morning!

Tomorrow I start my six day temping job. Pretty excited to make some money, meeting some people and hopefully feel good for being amazing LOL It's going to be quite a change for me (8:00am-4:30pm) compared to my schedule now but I have been practising getting up earlier all week. I still haven't been up and ready for the day before 8am but I'm hoping it'll go good. I decided that I need a new pair or two of dress pants, as the ones I have fit, but feel tight. Well, I was not in the right mood for shopping and after hitting both Reitman's (including the one I worked for, for one week) and then Walmart, I was only successful finding one pair that weren't what I was thinking but I liked the price ($14). I don't really want to go blow a bunch of money before I even make some (cuz that defeats the purpose and I'm trying to be better behaved) so I'm hoping the pants I have now will hold out for a least one more week. There's a lot of "hope" happening in this paragraph it feels like?

Hmmm, pregnancy wise I am feeling about the same. A little more tired they the "books" are saying I should feel but then I just read that could be related to low iron (which I've not been doing anything to improve my iron eating) so maybe I'll try taking the iron supplements again (they gave me uber nausea before). I have been having a lot of lower back pain which started travelling to my glutes (butt) & hips. I went to my massage therapist on Monday & then to the chiropractor today and felt much better just moments after the adjustment. Any action that required back muscles was really painful before (like turning in bed, or getting up from the couch or chair) so here's hoping that'll hold out!

My chiropractor also practises hypnosis so I've made an appointment for a session regarding "Pain Free Labor". I am all about any & all tools I can put in my belt to have a more enjoyable pregnancy experience and I really believe in the power of the mind so it only makes sense for me to do the hypnosis. For those who don't know much about hypnosis, or shy away from it, for me it's mostly just a guided version of meditation. It's getting yourself to a point where you can work in the background of your mind to help focus your thoughts. Today, during the chiro adjustment, Baker (that's the chiro's name) said that it's about switching your focus to labor being something you can't wait for, versus something you fear. I've always been very aware of my hypno sessions (I've done a few of them before) so stay tuned for posts about that sometime after the 25th which is when my appointment is.

As for exercise, I went through March with little to no effort down that avenue. With Tyler gone to work in Fort Sask as of last week, I feel like I have more hours in the day (for some bizarre reason) so I went swimming yesterday and today I took my dogs for a walk. I was taking anti-depressents before I got pregnant and planned to take them throughout the pregnancy but found they made me really nauseated so I haven't been on them. I really need to find other ways to keep my moods in check throughout at least the next 6 months and I've read and been told more than a few times that exercise releases endorphins. I haven't really benefited from any endorphin-happy moods yet but here's hoping! I've definitely noticed that I've been more likely to cry over nothing, grumpy & irritable (which is how I felt before I started taking my anti-depressents) so with the added factor of pregnancy I really have to be aware and watch myself. It also means I am more likely to get post partum depression so I need to be prepared for that as well. Good times! LOL

Today is the 8th and it is only 2 weeks and 1 day until my next ultrasound. I am putting a lot of pressure on that ultrasound as I really want to find out our baby gender. At this point I am leaning more towards wanting a boy for a few (probably unhealthy) reasons:

1) It'll help me avoid some of the hand me downs from Kim & Tyrone that I don't want (due only to the negative energy I associate with it).

2) I'm a retardedly competitive person and I feel like having a boy is a little bit more of a triumph for a few other reasons:

a) I'm reading the "Other Boleyn Girl" which takes place during the Henry VIII's time and I think some of it's seeped into my subconscious,

b) Kim & Tyrone want to have another baby which I'm sure they wouldn't be saying if baby number two was a boy so i'm hoping if I beat them to the punch maybe they'll stop their nonsense,

c) I think it would bug Tyrone if we (a.k.a. Tyler) had a boy before he did and since Tyrone always bugs Tyler about being a little sister I think it would challenge his manhood if Tyler produced a boy.

3) Right now we have two male dogs that I am VERY bonded with and it feels more natural to have another boy enter the house. Our cat is a girl and she drives me insane and I'm worried that our kids will follow the same pattern LOL

4) We already have a very cute, feminine purple room upstairs that we use as the guest room. I feel that the "office" room which is now going to be baby's room, needs to be masculine to balance out that end of the house.

5) It's the first legitimate baby on either side of our families (i.e. from a couple who is committed to each other, stable in their life & a planned pregnancy).

That being said I am just so excited to have any baby that I of course will love & cherish (that sounds gay) whichever baby gender we are having and I firmly believe that there are no mistakes and we will be given the right baby for what we need in our lives and for what that baby needs to do in life. So here are some reasons why having a girl wouldn't be so bad:

1) There are more female names that I like (and to choose from) than male names.

2) There seems to be a whole lot more girly stuff out there and a lot cuter things for girls (i.e. clothes, decorations, scrapbooking stuff).

3) Tyler isn't one of those male chauvenists who thinks boys are better (unlike HIS father).

4) I don't care for the "Nelson" last name so I don't really care if it lives on...

5) It would probably bug Willie (Tyler's dad) as he doesn't have any grandson's yet (though Kira is such a boy that she might as well be).

6) My family is hoping for a girl so they can buy girly things as my brother has a boy already.

Either way, it'll be a piece of the puzzle as we have only girls on Tyler's side, and so far only boys (my cousin is also having a boy) on my side. I just totally hate this in limbo part and I can't imagine feeling this for 6 more months! I'm glad technology has come far enough that I don't have to suffer through this much longer LOL Once we find out, I feel like I'll be more confident in designing the baby room, picking out names and even bonding with baby as I know one more piece of his/her identity. And I hate using "it" so that'll be a nice change.

Overweight & Pregnant

I really, truly desired to be in shape before I got pregnant. Now I didn't desire it enough to actually do the things required to get in shape, but you know, mentally I wanted it. One of the reasons is of course, health. But another reason of mine, is much more vain.

You know that adorable belly bump that some mom's are lucky enough to get? Well as of right now, if I have one, it's covered in a layer of fat. As the days and weeks and months progress I would much rather have a firm, obvious bump to show off then some extra belly rolls that could easily be misinterpreted as the results of my latest binge. So far, I have actually managed to lose a few pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight (somewhere around 10lbs as of today) so I am happy about that, and I can still where my normal jeans so far. So be happy about that right? Oh & for the record I am not dieting or anything. I am simply trying to make better decisions most of the time. And I'm having a lot of aversions to foods so I'll cook them and then not want to eat them. Or eat a bit and not want to see or smell that food again for at least a year! The only thing that has been safe for the most part is fruit and some sweets. Hopefuly baby takes what it needs, right?

The thing is, I've been admiring everyone's baby belly pictures for a while and I desperately want my own to show off. Some of you who are on facebook, may have noticed that I haven't put anything on there yet regarding the pregnancy. If I had something adorable to show off, it would probably be on there. But for the most part I think I look the same so I am waiting...most likely the first thing that'll make it on there, is our ultrasound pics for April 23rd.

Now of course, everyone's experience varies and not everyone has the body type that lends itself to the crazy bump that I visualize but damn it, I want it. It's still early days, I'm on the tail end of 14 weeks right now, so I'll be careful for what I wish for, but right now, I'm putting it out there that I want that belly LOL A lot of things are called "beautiful" during pregnancy that in my opinion, are not beautiful (they're kind of gross). I just want to look my most beautiful, pregnant - except for maybe my wedding day!

Now I am off to do something somewhat fun: shop for two different baby showers, both of which I am attending this weekend. The last time I went baby shower shopping I was attending two showers in the same weekend again...weird. Anyhoo, my friend Twylia is having twins due in May (one boy & one girl - yep I'm jealous) and she has one boy already. My cousin's girlfriend Megan is having a baby boy due in April. I kind of have a male mentality when it comes to baby showers, so I hope they are not too "fruity" or gay so to speak!

P.S. I am going shopping with less guilt because Tyler got a job again. Starts Monday! And I have an interview on Friday for a temping agency. Woo hoo!

A Good Debate: Share your baby names before baby is born?

For names I have always believed in keeping them to ourselves. I thought I had maybe blogged on this topic before but I couldn't find it in my fast search so I'll have to do it from memory. Reasons why I don't want to share my possible baby names (once I figure them out):

1) People are much more likely to give you their (unsoliciated) opinion of the name, when it hasn't been officially attached to a baby yet. All the things it rhymes with, who they don't like who has that name, etc. If you announce the name & then hand them a baby they are much more likely to just say "awww, he/she is adorable" (even if they aren't LOL).

2) It's near impossible for most people to keep information to themselves. If you have worked really hard to come up with a combo of names that reflects your family, you guys as a couple and an impending baby, how would you feel if someone shortly before you gave birth, named their baby that? Even if your mother told some random stranger in the post office just so she could get it off her chest, that person could end up in the same hospital as you, or same class or something like that. Some people might not care about this, but as a "Crystal" from 1982 who shared my name with at least 2 others at any given time, a unique-ish name is important.

That being said, I am not directly opposed to "bouncing" names off of people to get a reaction...to do that I might use the internet or one or two trusted people...just once we have officially decided I think I'll be MUM on it. However, I have considered having a baby naming contest so we can get some help on getting some good names to think on.

A couple girls that are friends/aquaintances of mine had an issue regarding names. Since I'm not super close with them, I'm going to rename them. Couple A, lets call them the Smiths, got pregnant and shared the news. They had a family association to the name "Blair" so if they had a boy that was the name they were going to use. Unfortunately, 'the Smiths' had a miscarriage and lost the baby. They then decided maybe it wasn't the best time to have a baby so focused on their careers for a while. Good friends of theirs, "the Jones" (real creative I know LOL), got pregnant right after they got married. They were struggling to decide what to name their baby when they suddenly thought of the name "Blair" and decided it was great for them! It caused a lot of hurt feelings for the Smiths as they had their baby taken away from them and the Jones definitely knew how important the name Blair was for them (the Smiths would use it regardless when they did have a child one day). The Jones were very stubborn at first, insisting they didn't realize that the Smiths had picked that name but eventually did name their baby boy something different but it caused some hurt feelings in the meantime.

Yesterday I had lunch with a former co-worker Cynthia, who had her daughter's name picked out until 33 days before she gave birth. On this day, 33 days before her own child was born, her sister used the name Cynthia had wanted since she herself was a child. I just think that is selfish on the sister's part. Why not pick out a name that has meaning for you??

Some other comments I dug up from the internet.

"Most parents, however, admit that they don't want to share the name of their baby-to-be because they don't want to hear any criticism of their choice. I think that's a pretty valid reason since people seem to have no problems sharing their opinions, particularly when it comes to anything parenting related."

"Another friend of mine chose a name and someone else pointed out that the initials would be PIG. She hadn't considered that and decided to keep the name but change the order. Maybe not a big deal, but maybe it was. By putting her name out there, she was alerted to the situation. What we name our children DOES matter. There are plenty of studies to prove it."

"When I was pregnant, my husband and I had picked out a boy name and girl name. We shared those names with close family. We had a boy and named him Elijah Blue. The close family we shared our baby names with is now having a girl and is planning to name their daughter the name we shared with them!!! I am very upset because that girl name was chosen by my husband and I because what the meaning of the name symbolizes. The close family says they don't remember us telling them.... I don't believe that. "

http://www.parentdish.com/2009/01/16/should-you-share-your-unborn-babys-name/

The Great Debate: To find out or not to find out

I feel like I've been getting a lot of flack for my/our decision to go ahead and find out our baby's gender at our ultrasound rather than waiting for the traditional delivery annoucement. It seems for everyone one person who agrees with me, there are 3 that are venomously against it). For my entire baby making life, I have never really considered NOT finding out. It just seemed natural to me that you would find out if you could, after all I am an information junkie. So the fact that I seem to only associate with non-finder-outers surprised me and I decided to see what the world of the internet seemed to say. The very first debate board I found had one women's write up that I really enjoyed. Here's an excert...

Danielle Friedl "Here's the thing: it doesn't matter if you find out at 20 weeks or 40 weeks - it's still going to be a surprise! The element of surprise has never ranked very high in my world because in essence - I like to be in control. And in pregnancy and childbirth there is very little, if anything, you can be truly in control over. Obviously this is a decision that every couple needs to make on their own and there is no right or wrong answer. The beauty of making this decision is that you aren't causing any harm to your unborn baby whether you find out their gender or not. That being said, the only reason not to find out earlier seems to be the act of surprise following the actual birth, whereas knowing the gender halfway through the pregnancy has many benefits. And back to that silly old element of surprise. Having found out I was carrying girls in each of my three pregnancies I was very excited and, yes, surprised at about 17 weeks when I found out. I also have to say that upon delivery I was still highly excited to meet my daughters but i felt that I had already formed a bond because I knew what I was having. I can also report that friends and relatives who decided against finding out were not more or less thrilled. Perhaps a few were a little less prepared, and maybe one or two were unfortunately not so pleasantly surprised, but the thrill level seems to be the same. You still count fingers and toes, you still ask if it's healthy. I suppose the difference in each of my cases was not asking 'What is it' but asking 'It's a girl, right?' Hey - those sonogram technicians have been known to make a mistake or two!"

I personally don't equate gender as the biggest jackpot of having a baby. It's one of many things that make my child who he or she is going to be so I feel like I still have PLENTY to look forward at the delivery. When someone says to me that there is no light at the end of the tunnel if you know the gender I wonder "Is meeting your child not the most exciting part?" Even with a gender your visualization of what they will look like is only a guess so you have no idea what your baby will look like, feel like...who they are going to be.

One of my friends, who just had a baby boy in November thought she was having a girl until the u/s tech told her differently. My friend, Megan, said she was shocked and a little disappointed to find out it was a boy. All her life, when she visualized herself with a baby she had seen a girl and it had, for some reason, never occured to her that it could be a boy. Since she found out, she had time to come to terms with the fact that he was a boy, and bond with her baby as a boy. Now she of course loves him like that is what she was always expecting! However, if she had not found out and continued to feel as though it was a girl the whole time, and bond with a the baby as a girl, it would have been quite the shocker to get the "It's a Boy!" announcement after being in labor for 40 hours...mix in the exhaustion, hormones and post postum and that could be quite the experience.

Danielle B "I think that finding out the sex is a great thing though, it just made me even more excited to meet my little girl. Also, with all the chaos that is happening in the hospital when you are delivering and the endless nights that follow, it kind of makes it easier because everything is mapped out! We had her room done and everything picked out for her and even had her name going into the hospital. I think that was the best thing for us, but to each their own and everyone is entitled to how they want to do things, but no matter what, it is always special once they enter this world and then you know that there is no turning back!"

Clair Kernaghan "Sure, finding out the sex of your baby before birth may make planning for the baby easier, you can paint the room the right colour instead of yellow, and you can pick out all the right clothes and have absolutely everything ready for your baby's arrival. But the bottom line is you are going to get all that done anyway so why do it all before the baby comes and work your pregnant butt off, sit down, relax and enjoy being pregnant. Even though a new baby is stressful and a busy time, trust me, you will still find time to paint the nursery, and go shopping for even more pink/blue clothes. "

Okay, this Clair lady is trying to make a case for "no" but she just convinced me yes. It's the whole "why put off for tomorrow what you can do today". I figure if I am exhausted now, pregnanct, I don't expect to be bouyant & full of energy when I have a new born that sleeps sporadically and cries and is desperately in need of my attention. But yeah I'll just stop & go paint a baby room in the middle of it LOL

Some of the major "no"s come from people who didn't have the option in their time. I can't help but feel that they think its unnatural because they couldn't do it. Despite their opinion if you should find out or not, everyone seems to feel they should tell you what they THINK you're having. I'd love for some know-it-all to say "oh you're carrying this way so you're having a girl" and for me to say "hmm, an ultrasound machine begs to differ" LOL

One of my friends who had a baby in May, knew she was having a boy despite not finding out. So started buying boy things and didn't even consider that she might be having a girl. Luckily she did have a boy, but is a mother's instinct always right? I think what you "want" usually influences your "instincts".

The biggest reason everyone totes is the "thrill of anticipation". For us that thrill and build up is happening for the ultrasound on April 23rd. I can't imagine it would be any more or any less whenever you find out. There is a still a "magical" moment where you can start picturing your life with a baby girl or a baby boy rather than just this imaginary baby that seems to exist in you.

It all boils down to personality I think. My friends that agree with me, and have found out, have the same personality as I and they have not for one second regretted their decisions. So I think I'm safe...I'll let you know in 6 months or so LOL

Nicole Lepke "My husband and I tried desperately to conceive for two years, before getting the miraculous news of our impending little arrival. Waiting that long for the conception alone to happen, we certainly didn't want to wait another 9 months to find out what God was blessing us with. I was nervous on the day of the ultrasound only because I thought the baby would be uncooperative and in a position where the ultrasound tech wouldn't be able tell. We didn't have a preference as to having a boy or a girl, but just that the baby in there was growing and developing and looked like he or she had all of his or her parts. (I could even live with an extra toe!) Finding out the sex of our baby was by far the most exciting event my husband and I have ever witnessed. The tech put the cold gel on my ever expanding stomach, rubbed the wand in the goop, and there on the screen our miracle came to life. It made the long-awaited pregnancy all the more real to us. We identified with our little child inside of me - our little boy. He was no longer just our unborn baby, but our son, whom we could name. Our son, whom we could sit for hours and fantasize about who he would look like, what kind of little boy he would be and what kinds of mischief he would one day get into. We decided to keep his name secret, so there would still be a little surprise at the end for all of our family and friends."

There does seem to be some give and take on the gender & then name sharing. Those who find out then might choose to keep the name a secret for the element of surprise for the announcement. Those who don't know the gender might have more fun sharing at least their name possiblities with others.

http://www.helium.com/debates/130647-should-you-find-out-the-sex-of-your-baby-before-birth

musings from my mobile

I'm waiting for my oil change and decided to try to blog post via my blackberry.

Hmm, what's going on? Well I am on my way home from Grimshaw. I was trying to strum up some business by holding an open house for each 'Everyday Style' and 'BeautiControl'. Blame it on the economy, bad weather or lack of advertising: they sucked.

Car's done!

What Activities are Best for Pregnancy?

I really need some of the endorphins you get from Exercise so I'm trying to find activities I enjoy. According to BabyCenter.Com here are some of the greats:

-Swimming: Healthcare providers and fitness experts hail swimming as the best and safest exercise for pregnant women. Swimming is ideal because it exercises both large muscle groups (arms and legs), provides cardiovascular benefits, and allows expectant women to feel weightless despite the extra pounds of pregnancy.

-Walking, Low-Impact Aerobics, Dancing, Yoga & Stretching.

I wonder if walking while shopping counts?

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Quotes from Buddha

"Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense."

"Every human being is the author of his own health or disease. "

"However many holy words you read, however many you speak, what good will they do you if you do not act on upon them?"

"It is a man's own mind, not his enemy or foe, that lures him to evil ways."

"No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path. "

"The mind is everything. What you think you become. "

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection."

"You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. "

"Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it. "

A Funny Quote...supplied to me by Catharina

"No woman will ever be truly satisfied, because no man will ever have a chocolate penis,that ejaculates money."

Quote by Ernest Hemingway.

Pregnancy & Well Meaning Advice

Today I am 8 weeks pregnant! Woo hoo! It's still very unreal for me. Luckily, I requested an early ultrasound and my doctor didn't mind. So on Feb 18th, Tyler & I will hopefully be hearing the beating of one or two babies' hearts (still pushing for twins!). I think that'll help bring a little more realism to the situation for us.

I can't remember what I've already written about, so forgive me if this is review, but my regular doctor is retired from obstricians so I "had" to get a new doctor for the baby process. I was quite okay with this as, although I love that my doctor is female, she leaves a lot to be desired regarding her bedside mannor. Tyler & I got to meet with my new doctor, Dr. Phillpot, on Thursday. She normally doesn't accept new patients, though luckily for us, her husband says they need a new house so she's taking on a few more.

A little history I learned about Dr. Phillpot: SHE is 38 and just returned from mat leave with her fourth child. Her husband is a stay at home daddy and Dr.Phillpot seems to generally love what she does. She told us that she's excited to have a "new" family again that is going through the pregnancy for the first time as a lot of her patients are on there third and fourth kids and aren't really into the appointments etc. She's probably considered 'overweight' but she isn't super large and she just looks normal. Not super hot & not super ugly. She was really high energy with us during our appointment and very very nice.

Some of the information/guidelines she game me:

-she gave me a prescription for some prenatals. The have more folic acid in them and are geared for women with larger BMI's. I get to take a pink one in the morning & a blue one at night. Since they are prescription I'm hoping that means that our insurance will reimburse us for the cost! That would be a nice bonus as they are $45/month.

-ideally she wants me to keep my entire pregnancy weight gain to 10-15 lbs as I am already overweight. She would even be okay with me not gaining any weight or losing weight if I was still healthy. I completely get where she is coming from with these numbers as I've been doing some of my own research online and it coorelates with that.

-I am to avoid deli meats & unpasturized cheeses. The recent 'maple leaf' blunder brought to the public's attention that there is a chance of bacteria living on deli meats. This has always been true and is normally not a big deal but when you are pregnant you do have a lower risk tolerance.

-She gave me a name "Par X" to look up for a quiz to assess my physical ability and what kinds of exercise I should do. I was also told not to do waterslides, horse back riding...some of the more classic things to avoid.

-In terms of resources she said "Today's Parent" is a great magazine. This is awesome as I have a year's subscription sitting in my basement LOL

-She also suggested we check out http://www.earlyriskassessment.com/ to decide is we are going to do any pre-screening.

-We also found out there is an early education class for what it means to give birth in Red Deer (every city/town can have their own idiosyncrasies).

My first prenatal appointment is booked for Friday, March 13th but I have some routine bloodwork to do on this upcoming Tuesday. Having the bloodwork & ultrasound beforehand will be nice as she'll have data to draw from at our next appointment.

Now...the moment you tell people you are pregnant, you are opening the floodgates for advice. Some of it is greatly appreciated & comes from love but some of it is just downright annoying!

For instance, yesterday my sort've sister in law Kim was here and we mentioned we had gone for Dim Sum. She goes "you have to be careful what you eat you know". Thanks?! I, of all people, am pretty good at researching information. And for MOST pregnancy stuff, it boils down to your own personal risk/benefit scale. Her particular issue was over the potential for MSG and Mecury from any fish I might eat. I looked this up (as I love shrimp) and babycenter (a reliable resource I think) says that the Mercury scares come mostly from the larger fish that would be living in the ocean for longer periods of time and thus more suspectible to mercury. It says that most pregnant women can enjoy fish (tuna packed in water, shrimp) as most anyone does, up to three times a week. And that it's even good as there is so much Omega 3 in fish. The main things to avoid are things like shark & raw 0ysters. Really we should all avoid "raw" animals regardling of whether or not we are pregnant!

I guess I find this especially annoying because it's coming from the woman who drank coffee routinely, often indulged in a can of beer when I saw her & also has no fear of hot tubs during her pregnancy! Again, back to the personal risk/benefit scale. There are MILLIONS of things we can be concerned about when we are pregnant. Each woman has to do her only personal analysis of the risks and the benefits of the items in question and where it is worth it to her to take that chance.

For instance, I am currently taking anti-depressants. While it is usually best to be on zero medications when you are pregnant, my psychiatrist put it to me this way:

-you can be on a (more) even keel emotionally & pregnant or you can be like you were before and pregnant. Would you rather enjoy this pregnancy or possibly suffer through it? Also for the particular anti-depressent I'm on, Effexor, it is considered a very safe drug and shown no harm to fetus'. Since I suffer from depression I am also much more likely to suffer from post partum depression so I have to watch for sign of that (& have my loved ones watch for signs also).

So for me & my circumstances it is probably best to be on it. However, that being said, I do think it is effecting my nausea!!

Another item of arguement is Caffeine. For me, I am not planning on cutting it out entirely. I have curbed my coffee drinking for a while now so I don't really crave it but I still have some tea sometime and definitely chocolate! A lot of the info out there says that <300>

So I just totally threw up. Despite my bouts of nausea it was my first time actually throwing up. It was disgusting LOL I ran from the computer desk and barely had time to make it to our kitchen sink. I had a stomach full (tuna wrap & some pineapple I had been eating) and it ALL came up. The good news is that I felt better afterwards. I had read that the nausea can be hormonal so throwing up doesn't actually relieve the nausea. I'm happy to state in this instance, it did relieve it!